White Wave Silk Nog

Appearance: Really pale, like winter buttermilk. Also, this stuff foams. I mean, the others have some bubbles, but I shook this one and there was an inch of foam on top. No flecks.

Taste: It does not taste like egg nog. It tastes a lot like cow milk, with the lurking mildew aftertaste of soy milk, then the weird nutty flavor of the Southern Comfort Egg Nog multiplied by a hundred. Overall, it tastes like an Xmas tree. Not overtly pine, but the smell of the bark and the wet branches with a little of the needles thrown in.

I’m not mad, I tell you!

It’s really bizarre.

Texture: It’s as thick as 1% milk. Disturbingly thin.

Comments: I was worried about this one, but it’s not that bad. As long as you’re not expecting anything that tastes at all like egg nog, or if you’re used to soy milk, it’s pleasant and drinkable. It’s closely akin to the Southern Comfort variety, so hippies can mix holiday drinks as well.

That said, I’m still going to look for some vegetarians to unload this carton on. I have enough egg nog, of various shades of “real,” to last me a week.

Spider drank some of this out of curiosity and enjoyed it immensely. Then her mouth and chin went numb. Science cannot explain this.

Although! Once I put a pine needle in my mouth and chewed, for no real reason other than being bored and in the wilderness. My mouth became as fresh as the mountains, but my mouth became numb and tingly. Perhaps the vegetarians have harnessed this phenomenon.