My former college roommate always says things like…
thingsihate.org
the occasional vehement tirade against everything and everyone who dare to stand in the way of a pleasant afternoon.
My former college roommate always says things like…
Former college roommate
Me likee you long time, soldier.
Former college roommate
“Ching Chan CHO! ghix du fak”, etc. I swear to god I am going to kill my disgusting, pee-bottle, smoker, Han Chinese roommate. I will fucking bash his skull repeatedly and feel SOOO good as I feel it deform more and more with each might heave into the door frame.
Former college roommate
Vodka Tampon
Former college roommate
I think I slept with someone who looks JUST like your boyfriend! (My roommate was a guy, co-ed dorm.)
Former college roommate
Isure do like it when you wear only your panties & bra after your shower!
Former college roommate
Hey what are you looking at on the computer or when I leave he asks me where am I going, he smacks his food, sucks his teeth, and runs his homo tongue ring on his teeth all the time. And he constantly looks in the mirror like he is gods gift to girls.
Former college roommate
What about in the beginning? Was that all a lie?
Former college roommate
Are you ready to get some heady?
Former college roommate
I dont tolerate jacking off, even if im not in the room….I can smell it!! [smiles, rolls eyes, sctraches crotch, slaps you]
Former college roommate
hey! lets get drunk on vodka and see how meny times you get a close up of david bowies crotch in labyrinth
( and we did )
Former college roommate
“That’s so ridic!” And she’d always leave her leftover food from when she went out on dates at restaurants in the refrigerator for weeks and weeks failing to ever throw them out and causing strange mold sculptures to grow in there….I’d scream at the discoveries which was the signal to her that I was truly upset.
Former college roommate
“I’m going to clean this place up, please try to keep it clean” as she cleans up the trash bags she’s left in the kitchen for 2 weeks, her dog’s pee and poop, and her dirty dishes left everywhere.
Former college roommate
Does the penis go in the same hole as the tampon?
Former college roommate
I wake up to see him kneeling by my bed his face inches away from mine staring at me insanely.
“Good morning starshine.”
Former college roommate
(locks the door, unbuckles his belt) alright man, we’re going it. back to back!
Former college roommate
Will you teach me how to be with a man?
Former college roommate
i love that “film”
Former college roommate
My hair is hairy
Former college roommate
“Like ‘totaly’”
Former college roommate
So uh…I let my friend have sex in your bed last night…you were’nt using it
Former college roommate
I have a penis!
Former college roommate
Counterstrieke is god
Former college roommate
Well I thought it was hilarious when you walked through the door making out with your girlfriend and I flashed you.
Former college roommate
can you drive me to my abortion?
Former college roommate
My name is Rob but you can call me Bob for short.
Former college roommate
oooooooh herro prease
Former college roommate
She corrects my grammar, she argues politics with me when I don’t give a shit and says things that try to make me think that she is way smarter than me when in reality I’m making better grades than her. And she won’t stop talking ever.
Former college roommate
“you white, prettyboy bitch” (I get way more girls then him)
Former college roommate
[Just after waking up] What day of the week is it?
Former college roommate
It’s 4 AM….can I have my lesbian friends over for movie night?
Former college roommate
Do you want to come to Bible Study with me?
Former college roommate
How could you ever think I would prefer pink flowers to white ones?