My Former College Roommate Always Says Things Like...
[Upon first meeting him:] Are you a democrat or a republican? [Without waiting for answer:] I'm a communist.
@ 2006-05-29 20:09:17
I truly believe anime is a higher form of animation.
@ 2006-05-29 20:13:16
Nothing, as he sleeps through the blaring alarm clock he set for 6 a.m. despite his first class being at 9.
@ 2006-05-29 20:15:00
Wow! Your girlfriend sure is hot!
@ 2006-05-30 00:03:33
You're going to the mall, right? Mind if I tag along? And can we swing by the specialty sports store to pick up some ammo beforehand? Not that those are related in any way.
@ 2006-05-30 04:41:33
I'm going to practice kendo. Don't look behind that curtain.
@ 2006-05-30 10:17:55
My meal card's almost empty, I'm gonna need to use yours...
@ 2006-05-30 19:30:22
[Drunkenly, upon being chided by my other roommate's girlfriend for being noisy after returning from a night of birthday revelry] Sorry. So are you naked under that blanket?
@ 2006-05-30 20:31:56
Remember that time you asked me to hold your hair back and I accidently let go? Yeah, it was funny...
@ 2006-05-31 00:06:26
(he acts like an idiot all the time) "Dude are you always this immature.
@ 2006-05-31 03:02:15
the kinetics of mimetics
@ 2006-05-31 17:33:08
So I have a date with a 50 year old transvestite that I met on craigslist...
@ 2006-06-24 00:16:28
You really ought to get into lacrosse, dude. It opens the pores.
@ 2006-07-05 00:25:10
Hare Krishna Hare Krishna
Krishna Krishna Hare Hare
Hare Rama Hare Rama
Rama Rama Hare Hare
@ 2006-07-25 23:04:21
dude... get ur dick outta my ass... im tired
@ 2006-08-05 22:22:03
Do you have my money?
@ 2006-09-08 02:41:34
"Why are you mad at me? My boyfriend had to eat something...and you have the most food!"
@ 2006-09-16 15:43:06
So I thought this tatoo was my name in chinese but it this chinese guy in my frat tells me it just means jiju so I'm borowing money from my parents to get it removed.
@ 2006-09-16 19:01:07
I threw up on the floor....that what that smell is
@ 2006-09-16 19:01:55
@ 2006-10-07 18:11:26
"I passed out between the stalls again last night, but this time I woke up with a pube stuck to my chin."
@ 2006-10-11 20:28:09
Can you plese not use my spices
@ 2006-10-15 03:14:11
"Yeah, you know how you told me the garbage I have under my desk smells? It's not my garbage, its my dirty clothes."
@ 2006-10-18 02:06:02
You know i have sth amazing to tell you about what has happened to me... He has asked if i'm gonna be his girl-friend... He-he! Don't know what i should do. What will you advise me, i wonder?.. And he kissed me...
@ 2006-12-01 21:38:00
[i]After you say something he may wait for a brief pause before saying the exact same thing back to you, and after you tell him that you just said that he will say[/i]
"Oh, I thought that was just me thinking it."
[i]Oh, and also this happens rather consistently[/i]
@ 2006-12-03 06:24:40
[During completely unrelated conversation w/ someone else] "Did you know Chex Mix has a new flavor, its cheese; uhhh and I have a new waffle maker"
@ 2006-12-05 06:58:37
by the way i had to hide a dead rat in your bed last night
@ 2007-01-07 12:10:08
I'd be much too lazy working from home, because I'm a very social person who needs people around me to function at my highest level. I even like the ride into work, where I wake up and adjust to the world. Perhaps you know the feeling???
@ 2007-01-10 20:47:02
i`m gonna rape you.
@ 2007-02-19 07:24:40
"uhhh. i got wrestlers herpes. herpes gladiatoricus or some shit like that... so i'd wear flip flops in the shower if i were you."
@ 2007-02-25 00:40:20
I have a tongue ring, want to see? I love savage garden, they are the best band in the world! Don't worry I will clean my half of the room today, including the oatmeal dishes from last week,.... and it never happens!!!
@ 2007-02-26 09:49:39
..hey im not ur fucking former roommate onaccounta u never had a college roommate , ya never even went to college! hhhhhmmmmmppphhhh what a stick in the mud!
@ 2007-03-04 10:08:19
I hate this school, I hate the people at this school, and im joining the military...Amen brother, goodbye!!!!!!!!!!!
@ 2007-03-06 16:21:02
That ain't sweat!
@ 2007-03-31 12:37:04
I'm going to kill you, then kill myself
@ 2007-04-29 05:27:10
Is my french horn practice bothering you?
@ 2007-04-29 17:23:45
::roomate was watching stargate atlantas::
the show- whats your name?
roomate- HAHA HE SAID DANNY
@ 2007-06-13 05:54:04
As I calmly sat down at 8 am to eat my breakfast of toast, half awake...
"So yeah, I guess I'm getting an enema today. I don't know why but I haven't been able to use the bathroom all week."
...I was gone in a month.
@ 2007-07-13 17:27:26
Sure I'm a lesbian, but I like having sex with guys for the variety.
@ 2007-07-20 13:41:22
I jsut love Rockstar Energy Drinks!
@ 2007-11-02 19:07:15
I have a cat, a bat, a rat, a dog and a knife-and I'll kill you.
@ 2007-11-08 18:01:27
By the way Im having a hooker over so I need 20 minutes. Then Come back to a herpes filled condom on my bed....
@ 2007-11-22 03:08:36
yea, i think we had fun last night. i'm pretty sure i wet the bed and piper just called to say she's missing her two front teeth.
@ 2007-12-08 20:13:36
I just like to be a bitch for the fun of it. Dont mind my constant nagging, food stealing and money borrowing that i'll never pay back. Oh yea can you drop me off at the airport tomorrow. It's only a 45 minute drive out of your way. THANKS!
@ 2008-02-08 05:42:23
Dude, are these warts on your dick?
@ 2008-02-25 20:56:07
"Does this cock ring make me look fat?"
@ 2008-03-05 21:52:37
SHIN SHO WHA- NEGAAAA HYDO SHUMAN CHA WOO DONG SHE SHIIIII NEGAAAAA (Yes he IS from china)
@ 2008-03-12 17:46:24
[We share a small fridge. He tries to fit a milk container in it by putting it sideways at the top, and it leaks a little all the time. His as-if-he-didn't-know-I-always-have-to-clean-up-everything reply:] "Oh, sorry. I'll clean it up in minute." [If I leave for a few days the bottom of the fridge is flooded, and the milk gets more solid and stinky.]
@ 2008-04-11 22:18:09
I was at the country club the other day...
@ 2008-04-19 04:03:16
*After the alarm clock rang for 40 minutes. And I woke her up. And she set it again and it rang for another hour.* I don't know why I didn't wake up this morning think it's because I took a benedryl last night. That stuff really knocks me out.
*Three days later*
I don't know why I haven't been waking up lately... huh.
@ 2008-05-30 12:45:29
Me likee you long time, soldier.
@ 2008-06-14 10:22:01
"Ching Chan CHO! ghix du fak", etc. I swear to god I am going to kill my disgusting, pee-bottle, smoker, Han Chinese roommate. I will fucking bash his skull repeatedly and feel SOOO good as I feel it deform more and more with each might heave into the door frame.
@ 2008-06-28 09:19:11
@ 2008-08-20 18:29:41
I think I slept with someone who looks JUST like your boyfriend! (My roommate was a guy, co-ed dorm.)
@ 2008-09-28 06:12:07
Isure do like it when you wear only your panties & bra after your shower!
@ 2008-10-20 18:30:22
Hey what are you looking at on the computer or when I leave he asks me where am I going, he smacks his food, sucks his teeth, and runs his homo tongue ring on his teeth all the time. And he constantly looks in the mirror like he is gods gift to girls.
@ 2008-11-10 03:33:06
What about in the beginning? Was that all a lie?
@ 2008-11-17 22:46:28
Are you ready to get some heady?
@ 2009-01-22 02:23:08
I dont tolerate jacking off, even if im not in the room....I can smell it!! [smiles, rolls eyes, sctraches crotch, slaps you]
@ 2009-02-25 02:06:30
hey! lets get drunk on vodka and see how meny times you get a close up of david bowies crotch in labyrinth
( and we did )
@ 2009-04-14 14:11:28
"That's so ridic!" And she'd always leave her leftover food from when she went out on dates at restaurants in the refrigerator for weeks and weeks failing to ever throw them out and causing strange mold sculptures to grow in there....I'd scream at the discoveries which was the signal to her that I was truly upset.
@ 2009-04-15 01:48:27
"I'm going to clean this place up, please try to keep it clean" as she cleans up the trash bags she's left in the kitchen for 2 weeks, her dog's pee and poop, and her dirty dishes left everywhere.
@ 2009-04-19 03:05:23
Does the penis go in the same hole as the tampon?
@ 2009-05-08 19:22:44
I wake up to see him kneeling by my bed his face inches away from mine staring at me insanely.
"Good morning starshine."
@ 2009-05-15 00:16:58
(locks the door, unbuckles his belt) alright man, we're going it. back to back!
@ 2009-05-17 03:01:30
Will you teach me how to be with a man?
@ 2009-06-02 22:56:52
i love that "film"
@ 2009-08-04 06:46:46
My hair is hairy
@ 2009-09-03 21:50:54
@ 2009-09-03 21:52:16
So uh...I let my friend have sex in your bed last night...you were'nt using it
@ 2009-09-05 16:13:48
So uh...I let my friend have sex in your bed last night...you weren't using it
@ 2009-09-05 16:14:48
I have a penis!
@ 2009-10-23 09:53:20
Counterstrieke is god
@ 2010-01-14 19:43:01
Well I thought it was hilarious when you walked through the door making out with your girlfriend and I flashed you.
@ 2010-01-25 20:57:11
can you drive me to my abortion?
@ 2010-05-26 06:26:15
My name is Rob but you can call me Bob for short.
@ 2010-07-02 06:14:30
oooooooh herro prease
@ 2010-09-16 01:55:48
She corrects my grammar, she argues politics with me when I don’t give a shit and says things that try to make me think that she is way smarter than me when in reality I’m making better grades than her. And she won’t stop talking ever.
@ 2010-10-19 05:32:12
"you white, prettyboy bitch" (I get way more girls then him)
@ 2010-10-26 20:23:29
[Just after waking up] What day of the week is it?
@ 2010-10-28 12:55:52
It's 4 AM....can I have my lesbian friends over for movie night?
@ 2010-12-05 04:20:15
It's 4 AM....can I have my lesbian friends over for movie night?
@ 2010-12-05 04:20:20