Do the Borg Dance

There were a lot of people in my high school's auditorium and they were all Trekkies to some degree.

The Trekkies were putting on a talent show, and it was urgent that I participate in it. Actually, it was a quiz show more than a talent show. Someone would get on the stage and then they'd be asked to play out a scene from a certain episode.

I was in line for the stage and getting more and more nervous as I approached the front. Finally, it was my turn.

The stage was bare and starkly lit. Five judges sat in the front row, all wearing bad alien makeup and frowns. The one with a bad Klingon forehead spoke:

"Dance to us your impression of the Borg!"

I was baffled. I stood still and sweated heavily.

Then some repetitious techno music started playing over the PA system. I decided I might as well give it a go, so I walked about like a robot. I walked in squares, stiff-kneed, then stared straight forward and gestured woodenly. At one point I walked into the wall, then kept moving my legs like a failed bump-n-go toy.

The audience seemed to like my dance. I went down into the audience, grabbed the closest person, and informed him mechanically that resistance was futile. He got the hint and started dancing in an equally robotic fashion. I went a few rows down and did that to someone else.

Pretty soon most of the audience was doing a bad breakdancing routine along with me. Suddenly, the music stopped. Everyone laughed, then applauded as they made their way back to their seats.

The judges looked awestruck as I went over to their desk. They frantically shook my hand and blurted out that I was a genius of nonverbal expression. They gave me a big silver Enterprise model. Boy, was it heavy! The audience started a standing ovation that turned into a mob scene as they kissed and hugged me. Makeup rubbed off on me from all directions.

After it calmed down, I took my seat again. Sitting next to me, I realized, was Weird Al, with moustache and glasses as he was wont to wear in the 1980s. He was in full Frank N. Furter costume and makeup, except that it involved more silver lamé than I remember from the movie.

He gave me an enthusiastic thumbs up.