Protected by AudioVox
step away from the car
I am a tad over-paranoid when it comes to my car. I'm always
compulsively hitting the button that automatically locks all the doors
whenever I get out, usually trapping my passenger inside. A friend of
mine once told me, "You shouldn't lock your car, nobody would want to
steal it." But I know better. Besides that, the inside of the car is
usually littered with various compact discs strewn about, a CD player,
and a wealth of road maps that I know anybody with a severe lack of
morals would just love to get their grubby little hands on.
But the part that worries me the most is the CD player. Here in my strange little back-woods Oregon college town, there's been a recent problem with car stereos being stolen from parked cars on campus during the night. The local police department suspects it's related to the high numbers of drug addicts in town that are badly in need of money to support their habit. This is why I take the most precaution when parking my car, making sure to pop the face plate off of my CD player and taking it with me, to discourage burglars from bashing out my window and stealing it. It is a common fact that crooks are rendered powerless when peering into a car window, and seeing a shiny new AudioVox (tm) CD player. I mean, who wouldn't want that seventy-five dollars worth of top-name quality?
Seriously, no self respecting need-crack-so-bad-I'm-stealin' crook would take an AudioVox CD player. A burglar who took AudioVox CD players wouldn't even make enough money to buy the dope that'd been prepared with a chunk of carpet disolved in it (the good kind). He might just barely get enough money from it to go down to the hobby shop and buy a tube of airplane glue for sniffin', or convince a gas station attendant to let him suck gas out of the nozzle for a few seconds, but that's about it. You know, the type of crook that if he did actually get enough money for that airplane glue, would somehow manage to glue his nostrils shut while trying to sniff it. This is the type of person I feel the need to protect my CD player from. I guess I really may not have much to worry about. I doubt this sort of crook would have the IQ required to activate muscles in their arm required to smash out a window, much less pop a CD player out of the dashboard.
The only thing that concerns me is that, through a car window in a dark parking lot, theives may not be able to make out the lettering on the CD player to see what brand it is (I've scratched off the "AudioVox" label out of pure shame). The only thing that could be more insulting than going out to your car and finding the stereo ripped from your dashboard, is going out and finding the stereo ripped from your dashboard, and then dropped on the ground a few feet from your car where the bastards discarded it. I am currently considering making some sort of sign to put on my car proclaiming that the CD player inside is a mere AudioVox, and encourage them to keep looking for a Sony. This, however, would bring about a level of shame equal to if not greater than finding the almost-stolen CD player laying on the ground near the car.
I'm not sure where I was going with this little saga. Oh yeah, if you're a car theif, and you're prowling the college parking lot looking for some booty, just remember that you may as well skip over my car. That is, unless you want to become the laughing stock of the burglar community. Don't think you can hide it. There are no secrets at the pawn shop, buddy. So when you're out perusing the college kids' vehicular wares, just remember, leave that fine hunk o' blue Ford Taurus alone.
But the part that worries me the most is the CD player. Here in my strange little back-woods Oregon college town, there's been a recent problem with car stereos being stolen from parked cars on campus during the night. The local police department suspects it's related to the high numbers of drug addicts in town that are badly in need of money to support their habit. This is why I take the most precaution when parking my car, making sure to pop the face plate off of my CD player and taking it with me, to discourage burglars from bashing out my window and stealing it. It is a common fact that crooks are rendered powerless when peering into a car window, and seeing a shiny new AudioVox (tm) CD player. I mean, who wouldn't want that seventy-five dollars worth of top-name quality?
Seriously, no self respecting need-crack-so-bad-I'm-stealin' crook would take an AudioVox CD player. A burglar who took AudioVox CD players wouldn't even make enough money to buy the dope that'd been prepared with a chunk of carpet disolved in it (the good kind). He might just barely get enough money from it to go down to the hobby shop and buy a tube of airplane glue for sniffin', or convince a gas station attendant to let him suck gas out of the nozzle for a few seconds, but that's about it. You know, the type of crook that if he did actually get enough money for that airplane glue, would somehow manage to glue his nostrils shut while trying to sniff it. This is the type of person I feel the need to protect my CD player from. I guess I really may not have much to worry about. I doubt this sort of crook would have the IQ required to activate muscles in their arm required to smash out a window, much less pop a CD player out of the dashboard.
The only thing that concerns me is that, through a car window in a dark parking lot, theives may not be able to make out the lettering on the CD player to see what brand it is (I've scratched off the "AudioVox" label out of pure shame). The only thing that could be more insulting than going out to your car and finding the stereo ripped from your dashboard, is going out and finding the stereo ripped from your dashboard, and then dropped on the ground a few feet from your car where the bastards discarded it. I am currently considering making some sort of sign to put on my car proclaiming that the CD player inside is a mere AudioVox, and encourage them to keep looking for a Sony. This, however, would bring about a level of shame equal to if not greater than finding the almost-stolen CD player laying on the ground near the car.
I'm not sure where I was going with this little saga. Oh yeah, if you're a car theif, and you're prowling the college parking lot looking for some booty, just remember that you may as well skip over my car. That is, unless you want to become the laughing stock of the burglar community. Don't think you can hide it. There are no secrets at the pawn shop, buddy. So when you're out perusing the college kids' vehicular wares, just remember, leave that fine hunk o' blue Ford Taurus alone.