What I've Been Doing
Sean asked me to join some high school alumnus site. They asked for a bio.
Remember that movie Dog Day Afternoon? Fine film. Pacino's a great actor. Anyway, that's pretty much how it all went down for me. Except I wasn't pulling the job for my homosexual lover's dodgy sex-change operation, no, none of that romantic crap for your humble narrator. I needed the dough as a down payment on my black market cyberarmor. Gotta spend money to make money, they say, and I figured that "gotta actually have money" should enter into the equation somewhere.
Believe you me, before the evening was out I was wishing I was bulletproof already. Ended up having to draw the circle, bleed half the hostages dry and summon a couple-three Formless Spawn, which was when things got really messy. Oozing, bubbling, knocking down the odd wall. Standard manifestation byproducts.
Well, my dumbass accomplices chose that moment to take leave of their senses and start gibbering, so I chose that moment to feed 'em to the Spawn. The weird vapors and eldritch wailing (not to mention the screams of the human fodder) got the cops on edge, and before you could say iä the S.W.A.T. guys came in through the windows.
I did the only thing I could, under the circumstances. I shot myself a couple of times, once from the front and once from the back, then dove in a puddle of some guy's blood and lay still, hoping they'd zip me into a nice opaque body bag before sunrise.
It was hard to keep a straight face as they broke down doors, weapons at the ready and sweat on their palms but only finding the broken wrecks of humanity who'd had the misfortune to be doing their banking when I walked in. I was actually sorry I didn't get to see the rest of the show when they loaded me into the ambulance.
Anyway, long story short: next night I drained a couple of pathologists, healed my wounds and busted out of the morgue. I changed into something less bloody and bullet-riddled, then went to see Magnolia, which turned out to be a pretty good movie.
I'm still lusting after that Slaughterfly Samurai model #5650, though, so as soon as things settle down I'll get back on my mission to scrape together some serious scratch. Thinking of setting up an MLM scheme this time.