YOU WANT HATE?
I SAID YOU WANT HATE?
You wanna know what I hate?
The goddam Bay Area.
I hate when you get strep throat, and you know it's strep throat because you've had it twice before, once in third grade and once last August, and you know it's strep throat because you don't have any other signs of a common cold and strep throat is the only thing that's ever felt like you're being stung by a bee every time you swallow.
And I hate how there are no doctors' offices open on Sunday.
Also I hate how when you call the Alameda Hospital, the woman who answers the phone won't tell you which insurance companies they're contracted with, because she's "not allowed to give out that information on the weekends," so you go to the hospital in Oakland which is mentioned on the web page of your physician's group, with whom you've never had any contact at all and you chose completely at random when you filled out the insurance forms and had no idea where you'd be living...
...so you go to the hospital in Oakland, where you have to check in with SECURITY, and you tell them your throat hurts and you're concerned it's strep, and they spell it "Stript throat"...
...and while you're standing there, some woman comes up behind you and asks the man at the counter, "Is there another bathroom around here? 'Cause that one over there is NASTY," and you can SMELL the bathroom about which she's speaking from where you stand...
...and then you have a seat amongst scary ghetto folk in the waiting room who look like they've been beating each other up, and an orderly brings in an old woman who is unable to walk, except instead of putting her in a wheelchair, they've got her in a REGULAR CHAIR and they are DRAGGING IT...
...and then you leave, because you decide you would rather suffer with strep throat than be treated here...
...so you get home and find an old insurance form that says office visits to an institution that isn't contracted by your physician group will cost $30, while hospitalization isn't covered at all, and you're not sure if a trip to the Alameda Hospital on Sunday would be considered an office visit or hospitilization, but you wager it's an office visit because you're not actually going to be STAYING on the hospital...
...nor, as it turns out, will you even be taking more than 10 minutes of anyone's time at the Alameda Hospital, because you check in, sit in the waiting room, then sit in a room in the pediatrics ward because it's the only one vacant, and then the doctor comes in, has a look in your throat, and says "There's no way to tell if it's strep or not, but our policy is to treat it like it's strep because that's much faster than lab tests," and he writes you a prescription for anti-biotics which is exactly what you want because, like you said above, you know it's strep throat...
...and then you call those bastards at your Health Insurance company and ask them if it was an office visit or hospitalization and they say it's hospitalization that they won't cover and your only course of action is to fill out an appeal form and hope that whoever reads it agrees with you that the scariness and obvious incompetence at the hospital in Oakland is sufficient reason to have gone to the one in Alameda and also that you're not a big sissy for not waiting until Monday and making an appointment at a doctor's office for something like strep throat and you should make your first order of business to switch to a physicians group that contracts the Alameda Hospital now that you know where you're living and Jesus I don't want your whole freakin' life story over the phone Bub...
...and also that urge to kill just won't go away and you think it might be a side-effect of the Z-PAK you're taking until Thursday but at least you're feeling better and thank God it seems like you'll be feeling well enough to see Mudhoney on Friday (also Imperial Teen on Saturday and Guttermouth on Sunday) even though you had to miss Nerf Herder last Saturday because of that damned strep throat...
That, my friends, is why you just might be filled with hate on this fine Tuesday evening.
The goddam Bay Area.
I hate when you get strep throat, and you know it's strep throat because you've had it twice before, once in third grade and once last August, and you know it's strep throat because you don't have any other signs of a common cold and strep throat is the only thing that's ever felt like you're being stung by a bee every time you swallow.
And I hate how there are no doctors' offices open on Sunday.
Also I hate how when you call the Alameda Hospital, the woman who answers the phone won't tell you which insurance companies they're contracted with, because she's "not allowed to give out that information on the weekends," so you go to the hospital in Oakland which is mentioned on the web page of your physician's group, with whom you've never had any contact at all and you chose completely at random when you filled out the insurance forms and had no idea where you'd be living...
...so you go to the hospital in Oakland, where you have to check in with SECURITY, and you tell them your throat hurts and you're concerned it's strep, and they spell it "Stript throat"...
...and while you're standing there, some woman comes up behind you and asks the man at the counter, "Is there another bathroom around here? 'Cause that one over there is NASTY," and you can SMELL the bathroom about which she's speaking from where you stand...
...and then you have a seat amongst scary ghetto folk in the waiting room who look like they've been beating each other up, and an orderly brings in an old woman who is unable to walk, except instead of putting her in a wheelchair, they've got her in a REGULAR CHAIR and they are DRAGGING IT...
...and then you leave, because you decide you would rather suffer with strep throat than be treated here...
...so you get home and find an old insurance form that says office visits to an institution that isn't contracted by your physician group will cost $30, while hospitalization isn't covered at all, and you're not sure if a trip to the Alameda Hospital on Sunday would be considered an office visit or hospitilization, but you wager it's an office visit because you're not actually going to be STAYING on the hospital...
...nor, as it turns out, will you even be taking more than 10 minutes of anyone's time at the Alameda Hospital, because you check in, sit in the waiting room, then sit in a room in the pediatrics ward because it's the only one vacant, and then the doctor comes in, has a look in your throat, and says "There's no way to tell if it's strep or not, but our policy is to treat it like it's strep because that's much faster than lab tests," and he writes you a prescription for anti-biotics which is exactly what you want because, like you said above, you know it's strep throat...
...and then you call those bastards at your Health Insurance company and ask them if it was an office visit or hospitalization and they say it's hospitalization that they won't cover and your only course of action is to fill out an appeal form and hope that whoever reads it agrees with you that the scariness and obvious incompetence at the hospital in Oakland is sufficient reason to have gone to the one in Alameda and also that you're not a big sissy for not waiting until Monday and making an appointment at a doctor's office for something like strep throat and you should make your first order of business to switch to a physicians group that contracts the Alameda Hospital now that you know where you're living and Jesus I don't want your whole freakin' life story over the phone Bub...
...and also that urge to kill just won't go away and you think it might be a side-effect of the Z-PAK you're taking until Thursday but at least you're feeling better and thank God it seems like you'll be feeling well enough to see Mudhoney on Friday (also Imperial Teen on Saturday and Guttermouth on Sunday) even though you had to miss Nerf Herder last Saturday because of that damned strep throat...
That, my friends, is why you just might be filled with hate on this fine Tuesday evening.