By: Annna [2001-01-22]

Wolfenstein 3-D

uh-oh, filk!

I likes me the computer games. Four computer games, to be exact. I likes me the Nelda Nockbladder, I likes me the Defense of the Squid Man, I likes me the NetHack and I likes me the Wolfenstein 3-D.

I don't recall exactly what led me to write this song, but I don't have a tune for it. Apparently you can make it work to Greensleeves or The Wind Cries Mary, or you can just sing it in a generic sort of country voice. Not Hollywood, synth-pop country, though. Old creepy moonshiner country. I guess folk, really. Those folk songs that are about whiskey and coon dogs and walkin' shoes. Anyway, here it is:

Baby, watch me whup my weight in pixels
I been gamin' seems like 'most my life
But not with lasers, nukes or blaster cannons
I start out with a pistol and a knife

I never liked to cast no magic missiles
Don't care what combat's like in zero-G
So if there are computer geeks in Heaven
I'll be the one with Wolfenstein 3-D

Don't wanna talk with any other players
Nazis, zombies, they're all NPCs
Sure, there's multi-user dungeon chat rooms
But I'll play solo Wolfenstein 3-D

Some folks like games where you control an army
With elves and humans and an orc or three
Just settle back and plot their next maneuver
I'm fighting hand-to-hand in Wolf 3-D

Just set me down in Castle Hollehammer
One gun, no armor; that's all right with me
I don't have to heal none of my wounds up
God mode ON in Wolfenstein 3-D

I got my knife, my pistol and machine gun
The chain gun's in the next room, wait and see
Yeah, you go play your "stoopid fresh" street fighter
Hitler's in my sights in Wolf 3-D

People laugh and tell me I'm a throwback
"Why not play Doom? You've got a fast PC!"
They show off BFGs and custom WAD files
But 'neath the glitz, it's good old Wolf 3-D

Tunes [2001-01-22 03:40:51] König Prüß, GfbAEV

Yeah, it kinda works to
the tune of, "The Wreck
of the Old 97," too.
"She was comin' 'round
the Mt. doin' 90mph..."
Any case, some time at the
change of the millennium,
there was a funny musical
show involving many people
playing brass-band instruments
and dancing in a gymnastic
kind of way. One scene had
me falling out of my chair:
a guy rides around the stage
on a unicycle while playing
the "Simpson's Theme Song"
on a trombone.
http://morningglory.freeservers.com/Old97s.htm

Wow [2001-01-22 09:59:57] Sean

It works perfectly to the tune of Weird Al's "Good Enough For Now."

The fact that people are recommending Doom to you sort of dates this song.

Dated [2001-01-22 10:39:28] Annna

Arguably, the whole "I Like Wolfenstein" thing is pretty damn dated as well.

Songs [2001-01-22 11:42:50] König Prüß, GfbAEV

I love Wolfenstein-
Put another slug
in the zombie, baby!
I haven't played Nelda
Nockbladder, but I like
the name, good name for
a chick band.

[2001-01-23 16:30:03] Halcyon

John romero was timed at 5:45 for the first episode of wolf3d. My best ever was a 5:43, of course... it's much less satisfying that way, you dont really kill any nazis... and when you do, you better do it in one shot. I'm more proud of my mike tyson title in doom... thus stating you can place me in any level on nightmare difficulty and I will beat it with only a pistol and my fist.
Did I mention I have no life?

zombies? [2001-10-16 16:20:14] casey

with regards to a previous comment-- I don't think there were zombies in wolfenstein. just nazis. and dogs.

Oh, yes, there were zombies. [2001-11-08 02:58:35] Annna

In Operation: Eisenfaust there were tons of them. They had a gun in the center of their chests and made no noise until they started firing (by waving their arms around). They took a lot of bullets before they died again.

They scared the heck out of me.

did someone say chicken? [2002-02-28 20:07:00] Jackson

Oh sorry. Wolfenstein is actually a really cool game, but I am a bit offended by the constant showing of swaztikas.

whsgh [2003-10-11 04:58:00] Denis

eshrshuertrtdthette

games [2004-02-02 22:07:00] baden

fuck off now!

seng hell [2008-03-18 03:03:29] dukenstien

yo does anybody know the cheats for the wad castle assult

by the way [2008-03-18 03:11:36] dukenstien

dont forget the cheats ill tell ya in case you forgot for the original i repeat the ORIGINAL wolf 3d on your paramiter settings type the standerd line but _ and put goobers then ta da in the game press cnt+sft+bsp at the same time the there should be a message saing debug is on or something like that any way god mode is tab=g have fun oh and play duke to he kicks mega ass and was the first shooter game i played

for the fans [2008-03-18 03:40:41] dukenstien

hey and go to mr lows wolfinstien 3d page trust me just do it

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