By: Chip Revolver
[2001-02-07]
umm Bellini day? maybe i don't know
I must hang out in my local airport more often.
I'm a big fan of Canada. One day I'd really like to live there. I'm a
fan of all things Canadian -- Coffee bars, Yop (delicious drinkable
yogurt!) and hockey. So being a fan of all things Canadian I'm a big
fan of the television show The Kids in the Hall. Last winter Annna,
Sean and I braved the treacherous I5 highway to drive to Canada to see
The Kids in the Hall live in concert. If you follow Kids in the Hall
you're probably familiar with writer, actor, comedian Paul Bellini. I
guess he didn't act so much as show up wearing a towel in a few
sketches. Anywhoo they have this one sketch about Bellini Day, a made
up holiday where you celebrate celebrity Paul Bellini. I decided this,
like many of the other holidays I watch on TV, had to be celebrated.
The plan hit a bit of a snag when I remembered that I'm a pretty
fucking lazy man, and not willing to organize a party or anything. So I
decided to simply reenact the "Meet Paul Bellini" contest. If you
didn't see the episode, basically the prize of the "Meet Paul Bellini"
contest was that you got to eat breakfast with Mr. Bellini at your
local airport. The winner got an all Canadian breakfast and Mr. Bellini
ate fish, 'cause that's all he ever eats. So on a crisp fall morning me
and Scott set out for the Medford airport to eat fish. Scott is
probably the one of the most amazing people on the planet (if, like me,
your definition of "amazing" is the ability to eat a shitload of meat.
If you thought six patties was a lot, well I've seen Scotty take down a
summer sausage and he's the only person I know personally to have taken
down the "awesome awesome burger," a local truck stop's claim to fame.
It's enough meat to constipate a trucker, and believe me that is not
easy). The Medford airport's a small little crap hole of an airport; In
fact people scoff at the fact that its called an international airport;
as far as I know it only flies to California and Portland. The airport
has one restaurant, the Red Baron. It, like the rest of the airport, is
a depressing shithole. We made a direct line for the bar, or as it's
know the "Baron's Lounge," and ordered fish and chips. It took them
about half an hour to throw us out (we're underage!) But on the way out
I noticed that they had some signed pictures of rock stars that had
eaten at the lounge, and there staring me right in the face was '80s
rock duo NELSON. It made the trip all worth it to see that glossy 8x10
of rock legends Nelson, emblazoned with a brilliant sharpy signature
reading "Thanks Nancy for the Yummy Yummy Yummy in our Tummy tummy
tummy NELSON." FUCKING GENIUS. I must hang out in my local airport more
often.
There was a BBQ joint
in Oregon that I liked
because of the name:
Love's Open Pit
Just the name makes
me grin...one time
in Portland, I got a
job with Paramount/
Northwest and got to
do sound for Pink Floyd
at the Coliseum.
The national weather map
here usually has Portland
and Eugene for the Oregon
cities, but has started having
Medford instead of Eugene for
some reason.
Were you a good sound guy? It seems like, and bear in mind that I've never heard your sound work, sound guys are always such morons. Last concerts I went to, the singer/guitar player played a solo, then went back to the mic and nobody could hear him. The sound guys had turned his mic off during the solo and, for some reason, didn't turn it back on for him. It's been true ever since grade school, when the students the A/V teacher would take under his wing were in charge of the sound for the school plays and what not, mics would always be turned off half way through someone's dialogue, then shoot up in volume to create shrieking feedback. I think there is something about the sound-control job that attracts the most incompetent people in the world.
Like I said, Mr. Prussia, I'm sure that you were the exception.
I hate Pink Floyd though.
Last time I saw Les Claypool, him and his Fearless Flying Frog Brigade performed the entire Pink Floyd "Animals" album, which I shamefully recognized as being so, having been exposed to too damn much Pink Floyd in my high school years. ("Oh no man, listen to THIS song, I know you don't like the others but you'll like this one!")
I have a "Pink Floyd Sucks" shirt. I made it, before I ever knew that Johnny Rotten had an "I don't like Pink Floyd" shirt. I once wore it to a Foo Fighters concert in Portland, and someone came up and wanted to shake my hand and complement me on the shirt. I haven't worn it in a long time though.
At Coliseum jobs, there wasn't
any chance to be good or bad,
it was all preset stuff. Also,
it was soooo long ago that
Floyd didn't fill the Coliseum,
whereas Neil Diamond did. It's
fine with me if you hate some
kinds of music, I hated Hootie,
Eminem, Disco, Rap, HipHop, GoGo,
J-Lo, I think that most popular
music sucks, it's prole feed.
Setting-up mikes, duct-taping
the wires down and sitting at the
mixing board is easier than
setting up sound towers, so that's
a matter of laziness rather than
skill. Oh, I hated Led Zep, too.
I laffed at the BeeGees!!!
Floyd was a qudraphonic setup,
so, that was fun. Also, the
smoke machines and flash powder
were fun. Besides getting paid,
I got two tickets and backstage
passes which were highly negotiable.
I bet I hate Led Zep MORE than
you hate Pink Floyd!
Oh yeah! The Onion had a kinda
funny bit about Marilyn Manson
going door-to-door trying to
shock people.
www.theonion.com/onion3703/marilyn_mason.html
What the heck does that have to do with anything...whats going on here I don't dick around my crappy apartment writing stuff so you guys can talk about crappy 70's rock band and the onion. damit
Well, tell us how much puke
is on your apt. floor, and
show us some actual pants damage!
I eat lots of raw fish, but I'm
no Bellini, dammit!
Puke pants damage what the heck? it wasn't about me being bellini its just I like to celibrate fake holidays like belini day festivise pinkster day and Mr belviders birthday
I ate at the red baron a few times, it wasn't terrible. Then again.. given enough money or free time I'll eat just about anything. Did I ever tell you bout the time I chewed up my pen and stained my mouth blue for a week?
I lived in Vancouver, BC
for a couple of years, it
was great. One time my uncle
had trench mouth, and he had
a big blue smile, I think it
was Gentian Blue. I skate and
play hockey some. Local amateur
ice hockey is rough, I seen three
guys skate into the goalie and stick
him good, the ref doesn't say nothin'.
It gets rilly hot here, it's great
to ice skate in July. Small airports
are fun! Cessna 172's and 180's are
pretty easy to fly. If I wasn't damaged,
I could prolly stay on topic better.
My grandmother has a friend who bakes cakes!
My granny ate cake
last Bulemia Day!
It was a Vinegaroon Cake
that her friend made
with orthopedic shoes.
It was a Shake and Bake
Cake from Thailand.
That's "Coffee Shop", not "Coffee Bar" ;) At least around this part of Canada it is (Northern Ontario.) Tim Horton's being probably the most popular of them all. None of that Starbucks bull shit.
YOU GUYS ARE ALWAYS SHITING ON OTHER PEOPLES MUSIC
"THIS SONG'S TO SLOW"
"THIS GUITAR SOLO DOESN'T COMPARE, SPEED IT UP A LITTLE AND IT MIGHT"
SO, THE FASTER A GUITAR PLAYER CAN JACK OFF HIS GUITAR IS "MUSIC"
AND HOW CAN YOU EVEN COMPREHEND WHAT YOU LISTENING TO WITH YOUR HEAD BANGING UP AND DOWN LIKE THAT
TRY LISTENING TO SOMTHING WITH SUBSTANCE, SOME MEANING? MAYBE?
BUT I FORGOT YOU DON'T LIKE TO THINK
Bands that I absolutely cannot tolerate include Pink Floyd, Yes, Emerson Lake and Palmer, Uriah Heep, Journey, REO Speedwagon, Loverboy, The Cars, Fleetwood Mac, Wings, Styx, all of these "new metal" bands with goatees, nose rings and tattoos that all have that growling singer and look and sound the same, shit-phony MTV punk bands like Blink 182 and Sum 41, Danzig (who bitches about corporate rock and then goes on to produce music and videos that look and sound just like all the other corporate crap out there), Metallica, Nirvana, rap music, new country, "alternative" college wasto music for liberal tree hugging yogurt slurpers and almost the entire commercial music business that continues to promote morons like Madonna and Micheal Jackson.
