By: Matie
[2001-02-16]
My Capsule Autobiography
does it have to be factual?
I have to write a 100-word autobiography for Oceanography Bowl. "Does it have to be factual?" I asked. Mr. Jensen said "Be creative."
The beautiful youngest daughter of an ambitious Russian viscount, Matie Rose Truwe II was raised in relative luxury until shortly after her sixth birthday when she was kidnapped by traitorous revolutionary peasants and imprisoned in Siberia.
After killing her captors and escaping she was adopted by a pack of arctic wolves that she taught to destroy all threats to capitalism. Immigrating to America, she posed as a high school student in order to weed out socialists and moral deviants from our educational system.
Her future plans include attending the University of Washington and assassinating Fidel Castro.
He didn't like it. Apparently some people don't understand that actual and creative are polar opposites when in reference to my life.
I like it!
I dunno if it was too political
or what, that makes some teachers
nervous, I guess. I'm reading,
"Fierce Invalids Home from
Hot Climates," it has some very
original similes and metaphors,
as well as an improbable plot.
I have no clue what's an
Oceanography Bowl, but it
sounds salty.
Shouldn't it be written in the first person if it's an autobiography? This "Mr. Jensen" sounds like a bad man.
I'd like to see a 100-word biography written in the second person -- one that tells the reader about his own life.
"You were born in 1976, Jared K. Fenmeister. Son of Frank and Marissa Clairemore, you showed early signs of adeptness with numbers, communication skills and water skiing. At age 4, you swallowed a penny."
Actually Mr. Jensen is a fine man, a brilliant educator and a wonderful role model. At least, that's what I told the guy who called to interview me about the "Salmon Bowl." On the four hour ride home from the competition all he talked about was how we should praise him in our interviews.
He really is a fun guy, he's just really overly worried that the powers that be will won't aprove. The day after I sent this to Annna he said he'd accept my essay. The day after that he changed his mind again. He just needs to quit being such a NANCY BOY!
There are many mushrooms
in the rain forests of
the Pacific Northwest.
that was kinda like a 6-6-6 haiku
I don't like mushrooms
Sorry, it was a cheap shot
about Mr. Jensen being a
fun guy.
Of course, you realize that fidel will probably have you killed just for suggesting that. Cubans dont fuck around, that's why their cigars are so durned tasty.
