By: Ben [2001-03-12]

Little Ken, Lost and Found

annna's parents talk about genitals, part II

Pity poor Ken. Barbie's beau has always been the butt of ridicule. He's not even a doll in his own right, my daughter tells me; he's a "Barbie accessory."

Unkindest cut of all, Ken has no genitalia. Of course, that problem is ameliorated by the fact that Barbie doesn't either, and the fact that both Ken and Barbie are plastic dolls, whose sexual options would be limited in any case.

There are two reasons I bring this up. One is that in one of my lives I've recently been spending a lot of time writing toy repair manuals, and a few weeks ago I opened up my first Talking Ken, made in 1969 by Mattel.

The second reason is what I found inside. It turns out that it just isn't true that Ken has no penis:

ooh, deeper, deeper

There it is!


Poor Ken is suffering from what urologists call "buried penis":

"A penile shaft that is buried below the surface of the prepubic skin because of an abnormally prominent suprapubic fat pad and dense fascial bands retracting and tethering the penis.

"Infants with buried penis are often told that they will outgrow the abnormality as they age or during adolescence. Many of these boys will improve with growth, but some will never achieve the visual or functional length possible. The patient with severe buried penis may be ridiculed by other boys, causing feelings of inadequacy. These boys may have no visible penis while standing and may have to sit to urinate."

So stand up for Ken! If any thingsihate readers happen to know any celebrities who are casting about for a disease to champion, here's one that's ready made.

Ken is suffering.

Ken is equipped; he just needs your help.
Barbie's Natal Day [2001-03-12 03:09:23] König Prüß, GfbAEV
March 5th was Barbie's Birthday,
more than 800 million have been
sold since 1959. There is a local
woman who makes funny erotic
charicature soft-sculpture
for pillows. But I'm not too
surprised about Ken, I always
thought that there was more
going on there than meets
the eye. There is getting
to be a brisk trade in
antique carnival Kewpies, too.
Whoda thunk Barbies would be
a billion-dollar industrial...
[2001-03-13 00:41:52] König Prüß, GfbAEV
I read a book called "Mambo Kings
Sing Songs of Love," by Oscar Hijuelos
the movie had good music, but left
out a lot. In the book, one Cuban
lady talks about making love to
"El Gato," which measured 22".
Turns out that she measures
from the start, and makes
love to the whole package.
So, my point of view is that
if women aren't getting enough,
it's not due to a lack of adequate
equipment. I think that it has a lot
more to do with whether one is passive
or active. Ken is prolly too passive.
It's like the story, "She said give
her 10" and make it hurt! So, I screwed
her twice amd punched her in the head!"
Question [2001-03-13 20:30:17] Sean
Why does Ken have a plastic bag over his head in the first picture?

Maybe his problem is just that he needs a little... extra stimulation.
asphyxiation fetish [2001-03-13 20:41:06] König Prüß, GfbAEV
I'd thought that the bag
was just to preserve the
doll's features, but maybe
Ken's got an asphyxiation
fetish. I've never tried
that, but amyl nitrate
is pretty good.
[2001-03-14 00:11:04] Halcyon
I was under the impression that poppers were primarily used in homosexual circles because they relaxed the anal muscles..... Where exactly have you tried them?
Amies [2001-03-14 01:47:31] König Prüß, GfbAEV
I use amies for hetero
sex, sniff just as you're
getting to Nirvana. Also,
I wiff amies just for
the rush.
...yikes. [2001-03-18 00:03:03] Clockwork
You know, I just can't picture what someone with "buried penis" would look like. How's that for morbid curiosity. I dunno... the concept is just so alien that my brain can't picture it. The only thing I can picture is like... this amorphous mass of flesh between the legs, sort of like the angel in "Dogma" when he drops his pants. Now THAT was disturbing.
Perhaps I shall add this ailment to my list of curious human misfunctions to research. There's certainly a lot of those. Panzaism is my favourite, and its counterpart, quixotism. I like abnormal psychology.
good design [2008-03-22 11:12:42] wedding
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