Dear Seller of Women's Breasts
cast your breasts upon the waters
From the inbox of an alert reader who was selling hollow foam novelty breasts on eBay at the time.
We're reasonably sure this was a put-on. - Eds.
Subject: Life-Like Breasts for Sale
Date: Wed, 23 Feb 2000 06:45:56 -0800 (PST)
From: Steve
To:
Dear Seller of Women's Breasts-
How are you today? You have very nice breasts.
Well, not your breasts, but the ones you are selling.
They are nice. I'm not saying that you don't have nice breasts. Don't get so huffy. I just don't know you. Heck, you might not even be a woman. Are you? I am. Now that we've finished with the formalities, let's get down to business.
I am not a rich girl. I earn about $27K a year selling internet services over the phone. I work hard. Every once in a while I like to treat myself to something nice. This time around, I thought I would get some new breasts. Don't get me wrong, mine are pretty nice, but they're not big enough. I feel as though I could get a lot more attention with C's or D's. Unfortunately, I can't afford to get real implants. They are upwards of $5000. But I want bigger boobs. That is where you and your boobs come in. They are a cheap alternative to the breast augmentation surgery. Why are they only $1? I think I would be willing to pay about half the cost of the real surgery for these boobs. But, if you want to sell them to me for cheaper, that's okay. You are nice.
Before I bid, I would like to learn more about your breasts. First of all, how big are they? If they are not bigger than a B, then I'm not interested. Also, how do they stay on when I'm wearing them? Do I need tape, glue, staples? Would these be comfortable to sleep in, or would I have to take them off at the end of the day? I would like to wear them as often as possible. If people see me wearing them one minute, and not wearing them the next, they're going to know I'm a fake. I mean, my breast size fluctuates depending on whether or not I'm on my period, but they don't go from a B cup to a D cup. More like a B to a B+ (That was a joke. Did you laugh? Let me know in your response.).
How life-like are your boobs? Do they feel like they're real? If you're not a woman, have you ever felt real boobs (women's)? I'd sort of like an educated opinion. You understand, I hope. Do you think a guy would notice that I was wearing fake boobs if we started to make love? And would they stay on during foreplay? If not, that would not be a good scene. I can picture it: A well-built man I met at a bar slowly begins to seduce me. He takes me back to his place and we begin to cuddle and fondle one another. He fondles my chest and I fondle his general groin area. I grab some ass too. Pretty soon he takes off my top. Everything is going great (except for the fact that I can't feel a thing since I'm wearing huge mounds of rubber on my chest). But suddenly he starts to get rough. He jostles me back and forth. As we get sweaty, the adhesive on the underside of my fake boobs begins to pull away. Then in one awful moment, my boobs hit the floor. My lover stands there in awe. That's not something we could easily laugh off. I mean, men like fake boobs and all, but they like them attached to the girl. And I would totally understand if he wanted to end our passionate love making session and just "spoon" for the rest of the awkward evening. I mean, I would be upset if his penis fell off when I began to tug at it. So, I would not be offended.
Let me know how functional these breasts are. Any extra info that you could provide would be greatly appreciated. I'd like to thank you in advance for taking the time to read and respond to my letter. So here goes: Thanks.
Take Care,
Stephanie "Rubber Parts"
P.S. Does self-tanner work on these? I have olive skin.
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