Was I A Weird Kid?

children are bizarre. lack of inhibition, curiousity, etc. I'm wondering if this explains an incident from when I was about four years old, which I've always remembered (which is odd, as I have a hard time remembering anything from that era, and can recall nothing from before, even though there are stories about me dating back further). I didn't have a lot of friends, but I wasn't totally sheltered. I did play my little childhood games with my mom as much as with kids, though, and one was a cat-and-mouse themed version of hide and go seek, which I guess worked out well for a busy mother - kid hides for a few hours, during which time he'll amuse himself endlessly by changing hiding places or getting distracted, but he won't leave the house to get run over by trains or anything, and thus, time is freed up for the various obsessive-compulsive urges to clean, that need to be repeatedly satisfied. (um, everyone's mom is like that, right? vacuuming the same spot of rug for 20 minutes straight? er. love her, I do, but I have an aversion to the noise of vacuuming, especially repetitious vacuuming, to this day).

this is one of the first instances of my thinking way too far ahead of a conversation. I still do it from time to time; mistakenly assuming I know the direction of the other person's thought patterns, and saying something intended as a response to what I expect them to say. I actually get it right sometimes, but very rarely.

it is also my first blasphemy. insert cute "baby's first blasphemy" card here.

I think, this day, I had been rambunctious enough that my mom needed imaginary cats to assist her in keeping me subdued. it's sketchy. anyway, being a good little boy exposed to violence aplenty (by other children, of course - there's no death in cartoons, and I had no video games at that point), I had killed them all. everyone! nobody was left to pursue me, after such thorough killing. I now think it odd that I was the mouse; I identify more with cats now than with any other animal. but I was an all-powerful mouse, and only in a child's mind would anybody have even attempted to "catch" (with no other objective in mind) such an omnipotent rodent. if mice such as my former alter-ego existed, they would have to be nuked from orbit. go figure. but, the meat of the story awaits.

I had rendered my mom and her imaginary army powerless. who was left to save her? only God, and I anticipated this, shrieking, "and I killed God!" you need to picture this from my mom's perspective, where this came completely out of the blue. she's quite Christian now, and even though she wasn't anywhere near as religious then, this was still not the sort of thing she would have expected.

as for me, I'm quite agnostic in my adultivity, and I'm even fond of some blasphemous humor, but I still think this is really weird. I got a long lecture for it, too, the particulars of which I don't recall, though the point of it is obvious. this is also my first recollected incident of blurting something to embarass myself, and being heavily ashamed when told how wrong I was. I still feel more miserable when embarassed than under any other negative circumstance.

I must remember to make an ass of myself less frequently.

ah, screw it. I wrote the following blasphemous drinking song almost a year ago, and my apartment was almost immediately infested with hornets:

the Christian God is a dirty old sod
with a very sharp turn at the end of his rod
"my symbol of office," he says with a nod
a nasty old rotter, that Christian God

and Jesus Christ is afear'd of mice
he hates the Chinese, says they smell like rice
and everyone knows he has genital lice
I steer well clear of that Jesus Christ

now, Old Man Satan is full of hatin'
he leads you to lyin' and masturbatin'
he really likes his potatoes au gratin*
a rather odd fellow, is Old Man Satan

the Judeo-Christian pantheon
is a trio of gods that are soon to be gone
so get on the altar without your pants on
for the Judeo-Christian pantheon!

* poetic license