thingsihate treasure hunt!

...so yeah, I guess this isn't MUCH of a treasure hunt. Some day soon I'll give you guys a treasure hunt proper, I promise, with lots of clues and things to find and prizes for all (if you're the winner)!

The King of Prussia mentioned the Erlking yesterday in a comment I only just now read, and the memories of MUS101 came a-flooding back.

Have you ever heard the lied that Schubert did with those words? It's a damn fine song. Once, while listening to it with Annna, I pointed out that the Erlking sounds so happy. Annna, in turn, pointed out that he has a cool job.

Anyhow! Free prize for the first one to track down a good MP3 and email it to sean@thingsihate.org

I don't have any Schubert Lied MP3s. Y'know, you missed a perfect opportunity to say: Take me to your Lieder!

If it helps, here's how "Der Erlkoenig" would have sounded if Dr. Bronner had written it. See for yourself at:

http://www.paprikash.com/textfun/

---

Wer reitet so spät durch Nacht und Wind! Who else but God? Who else?
Es ist der Vater mit seinem Kind! Exceptions? None!
Er hat den Knaben wohl in dem Arm,
Er faßt ihn sicher, er hält ihn warm.
Mein Sohn! Tenacity gets it done! was birgst du so bang dein Gesicht? -
Siehst Vater, du den Erlkönig nicht?
Den Erlenkönig mit Kron und Schweif? -
Mein Sohn! Tenacity gets it done! es ist ein Nebelstreif. -
»Du liebes Kind! We Win Free speech OK! komm, geh mit mir! Listen Children Eternal Father Eternal One!
Gar schöne Spiele spiel ich mit dir! Exceptions? None!
Manch bunte Blumen sind an dem Strand, robbed-starved-beaten-blinded
Meine Mutter hat manch gülden Gewand if 10 men guard free speech brave!!«
Mein Vater, mein Vater, und hörest du nicht,
Was Erlenkönig mir leise verspricht? -
Sei ruhig, with Essene birth control for every girl, bleibe ruhig, with Essene birth control for every girl, mein Kind! Exceptions? None!
In dürren Blättern säuselt der Wind if 10 men guard free speech brave!! -
»Willst, feiner Knabe! Dilute! Dilute! OK! du mit mir gehn?
Meine Töchter sollen dich warten schön! Exceptions? None!
Meine Töchter führen den nächtlichen Reihn
Und wiegen und tanzen und singen dich ein.«
Mein Vater, mein Vater, und siehst du nicht dort
Erlkönigs Töchter am düstern Ort? -
Mein Sohn! Tenacity gets it done! mein Sohn! Tenacity gets it done! ich seh es genau! ALL-ONE! ALL-ONE!
Es scheinen die alten Weiden so grau. Absolute Cleanliness is Godliness! -
»Ich liebe dich, mich reizt deine schöne Gestalt! Exceptions? None!
Und bist du nicht willig, with Essene birth control for every girl, so brauch ich Gewalt.«
Mein Vater, mein Vater, jetzt faßt er mich an! Listen Children Eternal Father Eternal One!
Erlkönig hat mir ein Leids getan! Listen Children Eternal Father Eternal One! -
Dem Vater grauset's! AND WE'RE ALL-ONE! ALL-ONE! er reitet geschwind, robbed-starved-beaten-blinded
Er hält in den Armen das ächzende Kind, robbed-starved-beaten-blinded
Erreicht den Hof mit Mühe und Not! Exceptions? None!
In seinen Armen das Kind war tot.

You mean the soap guy? His almond soap is good, and the peppermint make me tingle all ooooooover my baaaaaawdy!

Dr. Bronner has started silk-screening his labels onto the bottles, rather than using the paper labels that just fall apart in the shower. Though technically, Dr. Bronner passed on a couple years ago. Still, ya gotta love the guy (not in a necrophilial sort of way).

http://sunsite.univie.ac.at/Classmidi/schubert.html

scroll down to songs. it's spelt differently.
if you use the various German spellings (erlkoenig, erlkönig) you might have more luck when searching.

looks like midi.

MP3.com has Erlkönig, but you can't find it without using the umlaut, I looked there once using both Schubert and/or Erlkoenig and missed it.
http://artists.mp3s.com/artist_song/1290/1290209.html

Lou, I must have some of your Lizard Sauce. Where may I obtain it?

I love any personal hygiene product that advises you to also use it as a contraceptive by liberally squirting the contents of the bottle into the... "baby hole" of a concerned female. Apparently the highly basic solution is inhospitable to the surival of sperm. Once coitus has been achieved the women need merely inject common household lemon juice into the same orifice to neutralize the basicity of the soap.

Of course, you can always brush your teeth with it too.

The following extracts come in response to an advert in a South African woman's magazine called Femina. All of the extracts are from people whose first (or even second) language is NOT English and who live a very rural existence. Back in 1985, SA Femina Magazine ran an advertisement for Nelex, a medicine for the treatment of a vaginal infection known as Vaginitis. The ad prompted hundreds of letters from sufferers countrywide, most of them from women who were clearly unsure as to what exactly was wrong with them. The letters were collected by the advertising agency that created the Femina ad, who swear that every single one of them is genuine. Herewith extracts from some of the most hilarious!

~~~~~~~~~

My interesting language is English, so you better send me an English
copy of your vaginitis. Please send me the following symptoms: itching, discharge, unpleasant smell.

I am one of those with a virginal problem. I will be very grateful if my disease were acceptable.

Dear sirs, greetings as patient to you, but I have not got enough time
to express my sickness over this paper. I want to come by myself to
confess my sickness to you after I use this Nelex. The trouble is my
vaginitis and that I'm so ugly.

How can I get vaginal infection? Most chemists cannot help.

Is vaginitis normal, or does it occur by mistakes like having sex? My
husband is not happy with the behavior of my vagina at bedtime. Please
send me more information about these vaginal erections.

My symptoms are some of the ones you didn't mention, so please send me
another medicine.

Every boyfriend left me and made another girl pregnant, so maybe you can help me.

With modern life of anonymous infection, I have found your vaginal
infection very handy and unavoidable. I tried Dettol, Omo (washing
powder) and also pure brandy. All in vain.

My problem is itching, burning pain after intercourse when the weather
is cold or foggy.

I am a young lady of 1963. Will you please send me more news about my
virginia pains during intercourse, even when I'm not having intercourse at all.

I use to have sex eight to ten times a day. Now I am very dry. I went to the hospital and they told me I have too much sex. Maybe I should move to Durban for the humidity.

I am a girl of 21 years of edge. Can you help me with virginial
infractions.

Last night the virginial infections suddenly attacked me. What do you
want me to do.

Please send me Nelex. I am so sick I will even pay for it. My virginia
is wide open, but I only slept with my husband alone, but he says I am a bitch I slept with many men. Can you close my virginia for me.

I really want a baby, but I don't want to be pregnant. The first time I noticed vaginal infection was in your advert.

My vargin is beginning to irritate me. I scream at it sometimes but it
doesn't help. Sometimes my anus produces an unpleasant smell. Please
send my letter back so I can remember what I have written. Please
advertise more so that I can remember that I have an infection.

I stopped to have sexual intercourse with my husband, but he hasn't
stopped with me. My problem is I feel itching even when my husband
romances me with his erection. I never told anyone about my symptoms,
now I see them publicly advertised.

I am 42 years old, but the infections started when I was much older, and please reply as soon as it is convenient for me. I have pain during sex, and also during intercourse.

My virgin is badly leaking. Does Nelex work like a cork?

When I was 13 I spray my vagina with Airoma room freshener, now I am 18 and I need your help. Please send any good and large information to my suffering vagina.

According to symptoms advertised, I have discovered four of them in my
promised one. She urges me so help me to help her. My new address is
(address supplied) but please send your reply to my old address, can I
get vaginal infection without prescription.

Nelex the effective treatment, is it also effective in Zimbabwe. My
husband does not know where I live, so we never have sex.

I have never had sex, but I have this virginity problem. The bath water must have infected me, although I swear nobody bathed after me in the same water.

I have re-organised my virginia recently.

It is easy to know when I have vaginitis, but how do I know when I do
not have vaginitis.

How are you at that side or Randburg? I hail to you with my wife's
vaginal infection from Zimbabwe but I know that some people order the
thing without knowing them of seeing in other words they order them for nothing without using them.

I am 20 years old and will be 21 sooner than expected. I cannot tell my mother about it: she has no vagina.

The last time I looked for my vaginitis, I could not find it anywhere.

My vagina was discharged recently.

My vagina is deceased.

I am a doll of 19 and I want to introduce my itchy vagina to you.

I hope you are in a favourable condition for my vaginitis.

I have this virginity disease. I hope my letter arrives at tea time so
you can study it better. I don't know if the smell really comes from my vagina. My nose cannot reach it properly. But I promise, my body also has some healthy parts.

How are you sir? I am very well, but I am also a very sick girl. Thank
you for telling us how to avoid burning and itching virgins. I live very far away, and therefore wander if my letter will reach you. I am not an ignorant girl, but how can I be sure.

Please rescue my vaginal cavity from attack, sir, and send me this
infection quickly. This Nelex it can help me. I will call my first son
Nelex. Also my eyes and kids are very itchy. I better stop looking at
them.

I air my vagina three times a day, much to my husband's regret.

At todays price of water, I'd rather use Nelex.

I have five of the four symptoms you mentioned. You will find the
vaginal infections at the above address. Please send me everything. The Nelex, the vaginal infections, the vaginitis, the reliable relief from symptoms.

That got off-topic...

King O' Prussia. Congratulations. Prize coming.

Well, the Dr. Bronner's soap transitioned into feminine hyjinx products, which segued to the classic and humourful Nelex bit, threads sure get tangled. That MP3.com song is Schubert sung by a guy named Schubert, that would be a real hoot if they were related. The elder Schubert would likely get apoplectic if he could see Mp3.com!

that was even more amusing than the Gerber baby food situation. (for those not in the know, food labels in many African nations contain no words, just pictures of the contents, due to the high rate of illiteracy. Gerber used the same label as they do in the US, with the smiling baby).

Omigod - I just downloaded that recording of Erlkönig from mp3.com (the one recorded by a guy named Schubert) - I almost wet myself laughing when I heard the "galloping horse" sound effect in the introduction! And THEN the vocal started... As my friend Amy says, "You pay for what you get."

Observed that yoy have a question here abouth the medicine Nelex. Is it existing still - if not: Is it possible to find good alternatives?