The Complete Petey, Part Five

I had just about decided that Petey's feet had been bound, as the Chinese were wont to do. They used to be oddly truncated and pointed, as if he were wearing those teeny Chinese slippers.

A case could be built that Petey's feet were cause for concern at Pel-Freez as well. Note that they were obscured in the July and October installments, then reappear new and redesigned in November. Now Petey has stuffed-animal feet! Another subtle message from Pel-Freez, perhaps? Has Petey pawned his shoes for rabbit meat?

Patty keeps her shoes, and wisely keeps her own counsel in her two panels above. Somehow the way she's looking at him makes me think that what's on her mind isn't rabbit meat, but how to change Petey once they're married. The rabbit will be the first to go.

prolonged eating of rabbit meat makes your legs grow to insane lengths, apparently. I had the meat guy at Super G order a box, but it's not Pel-Freez. the guy's name, though, is Pete.

I'm expecting blue electrical zappage to start arcing up Petey's rabbit-ear antenna like some escaped Igor from the castle laBORatory. I think that we may come to find out that Petey has become the cyborg zombie thrall of Dr. Lupinstein from the Planet Lettucia.

Petey is like totally immersed in the edumacational milieu, and the extra junk like the exams sign might be for to lend crebidility although at first it seemed that Patty was carrying a briefcase, it is probably a brown bag and she's packing a salami, although it's more likely it's something to do with rabbits or multiplying but there aren't any maths on the blackboard because math is hard, so let's go shopping for rabbit!

rabbit meat salami, which both advertises the meat of choice, and suggests the various wicked thoughts this poor kid is beginning to symbolize. I wonder if Petey came to a degenerate end as a result of his rabbit fixation... passed out in Central Park, his belly swollen from the constipation resulting from years of an all-meat diet, his legs grown to freakish length. he wakes occasionally to check his rabbit trap, but alas, it contains only a sewer-rat.

Petey couldn't sleep, so he was out in the driveway shooting a few baskets at the hoop hanging on the garage, wearing nothing but his jockey shorts.

who would play Petey in the film version? I nominate Philip Seymour Hoffman.

John Malkovich & Annie Potts
or
Woody Harrelson & Juliette Lewis

Don't you people ever sleep?

We may doze but we never close

no sleep for us Eastern Seaboard types.
Bruce McCullough and Reese Witherspoon.

Not when I have a cat who is used to getting a spoonful of Julienne-cut rabbit meat once or twice a night. Why he insists on his snacks when I'm asleep as opposed to when I'm awake, I'll never understand.

When viewed in reverse sequence, these three panels tell quite a different story. First there is excess, abundance, and joy. Then come exams -- and notice how careful they are to use the word "exams" repeatedly, with no other significant clue as to what these "exams" are about. Finally, Petey is out to stockpile rabbit meat.

My best guess: the New World Order has taken over in Petey's world, giving people forced medical examinations for as-yet undetermined reasons, and Petey has turned into a food-hoarding survivalist. Alas, Petey is making the assumption that the FDIC is somehow "on our side" through it all.

Please don't show the ads where the government attacks Petey at Rabbit Ridge ...

I say we cast David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson. The cigarette-smoking man would make a fine "dad" by the barbecue.

Show of hands here: who expects David Duchovny's career to skyrocket after leaving the X-Files once and for all? Maybe he ought to star in a sitcom with Shelley Long ...

How 'bout a recipe for "Rabbit in Winking Lizard Sauce?"

I've already written to Pel-Freez, asking them where I can get rabbit meat in the Cleveland area. And once I have some, I expect I'll test it out with WL sauce. But my guess as to a recipe would be:

Bunny Burgers
Ingredients: Pel-Freez rabbit meat, Winking Lizard sauce, mayo, bun

Grill the bunny meat, and toast the bun. Put WL sauce and mayo on the bun, and then insert rabbit. Eat. Enjoy. Evacuate bowels.

Those legs looks suspiciously like the anonymous lumps of Pel-Freez he's constantly gorging himself on! A disturbing case of 'you are what you eat'? Maybe prolonged consumption of rabbit growth hormones...?

Well, I guess! A hundred rabbit pituitaries would make your legs grow really long, or make you grow lots of legs!

If you compare the length of Patty's knee-socks in the second panel to the length in the third panel, you'll notice a disturbing trend. Definitely not salami in that briefcase.

You darned kids with your backpacks and lunchboxes and sech! When I was your age *I* didn't have any darnfool newfangled lunchbox to carry; I carried my lunch in a paper bag, with the top rolled down for freshness--just like Patty's in the October installment above.

I too used a lunch bag in grade school. I had a small sandwich-sized bag, though, and Patty seems to have an entire shopping bag. I suppose that in her case, though, she either has to bring a large lunch to school with her, or stop being friends with Petey.

I remember when they came out with designer lunch bags. Regular old brown paper bags for lunch transportation, but they'd have Looney Toons characters on them or something. Didn't seem right then and it don't seem right now.

still, I'd rather see that than another 9 year old with a cellphone.