Stinky's Peep Show
It's not about the toplessness, I swear.
OK, I done told you fellers about the first peep show I done saw at Stinky's. Here's some more.
In San Francisco, there is a place called the Covered Wagon Saloon. It's a small place located on 5th and Folsom in a building with barred windows with apartments upstairs. It's a corner in the South of Market (SOMA) district at which shady characters who've just been released from Eight-Fifteen (the nearby holding cell for the drunk and disorderly) stand around and ask for change. Outside a dingy sign says "C.W. Saloon" above the painted black door, at which stands a greaser-looking fellow who'll check your ID and, if it looks real or you're a cute girl, let you in.
The saloon is divided into two sections: the bar and the stage area. Above the bar is a sign that says "BEWARE: Pickpockets and loose women." At either end there is one of those bar video games, where you deposit a quarter and can play word, trivia, card or "adult" games.
The stage is not much of a stage at all, being no more than a foot higher than the floor. The area is lit only by the web of tiny pink Christmas lights that tangle through a web of metal piping across the ceiling. At the back of the room is the sound booth -- a small room constructed out of plywood and chicken wire, with a four-foot door in one side for the sound dude to duck and squeeze in to operate the controls.
The Covered Wagon puts on rock and punk shows most nights of the week. There is, however, one night of the week that stands out from the rest. You see, every Thursday night at the Covered Wagon is the event known as "Stinky's Peep Show." Every Thursday, they cover the pool table with a large piece of plywood, and one of the two "Large and Lovely" go-go dancers turns it into her stage, while the other dances on the bar near the door. Rock records are spun on the turntables before and between bands as the go-go dancers do their thing, and between bands, that's when the peep show happens.
The peep show takes place in... the back room. I know, I said that the saloon was divided into two rooms, but there's a third, and that third room is possibly the classiest in the whole joint. Covered in fuzzy red wallpaper with a few tables set in the middle, there's a small stage at one end of the room upon which the magic takes place.
"Drink and smoke as much as you like!" the announcer calls between bands. "Just one dollar is all it takes to see Stinky's Peep Show!"
They crowd the people in there. The seats at the tables are quickly taken, people line up along the walls, and then people sit on the floor in front of the stage. Men and women pay a dollar to get in. You see, most of the time, it's really not so much a peep show as it is a freak show. In the handful of times I've watched the peep show, I have seen fire eating, knife throwing, lightbulb eating, and Hitler-based stripping. It's that last one that I will tell you about tonight.
The theme of the evening's peep show was "Hitler's New Clothes." I wasn't quite sure what to expect, but when a young man dressed as the Fuhrer himself walked out and took the stage, followed by a young lady with sewing needles and measuring tape, I had an idea of what was coming.
Hitler was instructed in fake German accent by the seamstress to disrobe and try on her stylish new creations. Adolph gave the crowd a puzzled look as she held up the invisible new jacket, but slipped into it anyway, brushed off the sleeves and looked admiringly at his arms and chest. He then turned around to try on his new pants, giving the crowd a look at the red swastika across the back of his boxer shorts. The seamstress held out her arms to present the new Adolph Hitler in the way the models display a new toaster oven on The Price is Right, and the crowd applauded.
"Now," the announcer said, "who wants to see Eva Braun's new clothes?"
The crowd indicated that they believed they would like to see Eva Braun's new clothes by hooting and hollering. Even the females in the crowd were shouting out for more flesh, proving that nobody can watch the peep show without getting swept away.
Out came Eva, dressed in a teddy with a tasteful swastika on her garter. The seamstress held up some more invisible clothes, but was interrupted by the announcer.
"But first..." he said, "first... we need to see a little more green. We're going to pass around the hat, and if you want to see Eva's new clothes, just drop a dollar in when it comes by. Do you guys want to see Eva's new clothes?"
"Ja! Ja!" called out an enthusiastic Hitler from the stage. Eva carried the hat around the room, though some of the contributors were not content to simply drop their dollar into the hat, and tucked it beneath any strap they could find on her attire. "That's it," the announcer said, "just tuck that dollar under the swastika."
When Eva returned to the stage with the hat, the go-ahead was given to proceed. Apparently what the seamstress had for Eva was a new top. Getting ready to try it on Eva, careful undid and removed her top, displaying to the entire room her überbreasts.
Stinky's Peep Show, you see, always ends with a few seconds of breasts, which I guess is where the "peep show" part comes in. It's really not about the breasts, though. I swear I'm not a pervert. Well, I swear I'm not a pervert as indicated by this. As soon as the breasts are exposed, the announcer informs the crowd that for a mere three dollars, any member of the audience can a polaroid of him or herself taken with the talent. Looking back, though there are many times I wish I would have had my picture taken with a topless Eva Braun and Hitler, I have never taken advantage of the opportunity. See, completely sober, three dollars seems like a small price to pay to have a picture to put on your next batch of Christmas cards, but after having consumed more than a few drinks my thoughts always run along the lines of "Three dollars? SCREW THAT." And at the behest of the announcer to either "Pay up or get the fuck out," I exit the back room and head out to the stage to hear the next band.
In San Francisco, there is a place called the Covered Wagon Saloon. It's a small place located on 5th and Folsom in a building with barred windows with apartments upstairs. It's a corner in the South of Market (SOMA) district at which shady characters who've just been released from Eight-Fifteen (the nearby holding cell for the drunk and disorderly) stand around and ask for change. Outside a dingy sign says "C.W. Saloon" above the painted black door, at which stands a greaser-looking fellow who'll check your ID and, if it looks real or you're a cute girl, let you in.
The saloon is divided into two sections: the bar and the stage area. Above the bar is a sign that says "BEWARE: Pickpockets and loose women." At either end there is one of those bar video games, where you deposit a quarter and can play word, trivia, card or "adult" games.
The stage is not much of a stage at all, being no more than a foot higher than the floor. The area is lit only by the web of tiny pink Christmas lights that tangle through a web of metal piping across the ceiling. At the back of the room is the sound booth -- a small room constructed out of plywood and chicken wire, with a four-foot door in one side for the sound dude to duck and squeeze in to operate the controls.
The Covered Wagon puts on rock and punk shows most nights of the week. There is, however, one night of the week that stands out from the rest. You see, every Thursday night at the Covered Wagon is the event known as "Stinky's Peep Show." Every Thursday, they cover the pool table with a large piece of plywood, and one of the two "Large and Lovely" go-go dancers turns it into her stage, while the other dances on the bar near the door. Rock records are spun on the turntables before and between bands as the go-go dancers do their thing, and between bands, that's when the peep show happens.
The peep show takes place in... the back room. I know, I said that the saloon was divided into two rooms, but there's a third, and that third room is possibly the classiest in the whole joint. Covered in fuzzy red wallpaper with a few tables set in the middle, there's a small stage at one end of the room upon which the magic takes place.
"Drink and smoke as much as you like!" the announcer calls between bands. "Just one dollar is all it takes to see Stinky's Peep Show!"
They crowd the people in there. The seats at the tables are quickly taken, people line up along the walls, and then people sit on the floor in front of the stage. Men and women pay a dollar to get in. You see, most of the time, it's really not so much a peep show as it is a freak show. In the handful of times I've watched the peep show, I have seen fire eating, knife throwing, lightbulb eating, and Hitler-based stripping. It's that last one that I will tell you about tonight.
The theme of the evening's peep show was "Hitler's New Clothes." I wasn't quite sure what to expect, but when a young man dressed as the Fuhrer himself walked out and took the stage, followed by a young lady with sewing needles and measuring tape, I had an idea of what was coming.
Hitler was instructed in fake German accent by the seamstress to disrobe and try on her stylish new creations. Adolph gave the crowd a puzzled look as she held up the invisible new jacket, but slipped into it anyway, brushed off the sleeves and looked admiringly at his arms and chest. He then turned around to try on his new pants, giving the crowd a look at the red swastika across the back of his boxer shorts. The seamstress held out her arms to present the new Adolph Hitler in the way the models display a new toaster oven on The Price is Right, and the crowd applauded.
"Now," the announcer said, "who wants to see Eva Braun's new clothes?"
The crowd indicated that they believed they would like to see Eva Braun's new clothes by hooting and hollering. Even the females in the crowd were shouting out for more flesh, proving that nobody can watch the peep show without getting swept away.
Out came Eva, dressed in a teddy with a tasteful swastika on her garter. The seamstress held up some more invisible clothes, but was interrupted by the announcer.
"But first..." he said, "first... we need to see a little more green. We're going to pass around the hat, and if you want to see Eva's new clothes, just drop a dollar in when it comes by. Do you guys want to see Eva's new clothes?"
"Ja! Ja!" called out an enthusiastic Hitler from the stage. Eva carried the hat around the room, though some of the contributors were not content to simply drop their dollar into the hat, and tucked it beneath any strap they could find on her attire. "That's it," the announcer said, "just tuck that dollar under the swastika."
When Eva returned to the stage with the hat, the go-ahead was given to proceed. Apparently what the seamstress had for Eva was a new top. Getting ready to try it on Eva, careful undid and removed her top, displaying to the entire room her überbreasts.
Stinky's Peep Show, you see, always ends with a few seconds of breasts, which I guess is where the "peep show" part comes in. It's really not about the breasts, though. I swear I'm not a pervert. Well, I swear I'm not a pervert as indicated by this. As soon as the breasts are exposed, the announcer informs the crowd that for a mere three dollars, any member of the audience can a polaroid of him or herself taken with the talent. Looking back, though there are many times I wish I would have had my picture taken with a topless Eva Braun and Hitler, I have never taken advantage of the opportunity. See, completely sober, three dollars seems like a small price to pay to have a picture to put on your next batch of Christmas cards, but after having consumed more than a few drinks my thoughts always run along the lines of "Three dollars? SCREW THAT." And at the behest of the announcer to either "Pay up or get the fuck out," I exit the back room and head out to the stage to hear the next band.