The Cave of the Gods

I was living in a lava tube-ish cave; kinda cold but dry and not limestone. I lived in the mouth of the cave, where there was light from outside, as well as a little ways back, where it was dark. If I went as far in as possible, after about 100 yards it was sealed off. The end was smooth, and had been formed when the rock was molten.

There were a lot of small tubes going up from the ceiling. I looked up and saw crude gratings and sky; I think that the cave was in a mountain or hill, and I'd put the gratings there so animals and rocks and stuff wouldn't fall in.

There wasn't any rubble in my lava tube. I think I moved it all out, which is exactly the sort of thing I would do if I lived in a cave. Lava rock is sharp. There was a fire pit with smooth stone seats in the entry. There was also an oven, and a pile of smooth stones, each about the size of one of those old CD anti-theft long boxes they used to have. They were put in the fire, then used to heat up the oven.

Further in, there was a big wall of logs with a door in it. There was a large, roughly square room in the cave, made out of wood. It had its own fireplace, with the smoke going up one of the vertical lava tubes. This room was for sleeping and it was insulated to keep it warm in the winter. It seemed to be well enough lit from the holes in the roof.

Past this room was more undeveloped cave, with hand-woven baskets full of useful things and pots of preserved food. Storage. This bit seemed to be illuminated, a little dimly, by clusters of tiny bulbs that gave off a dull orange glow. It looked a bit like emergency lighting in a starship or submarine. The bulbs looked like tiny potatoes, the size of the thumb's first joint, in clusters. After I went in this room, I noticed that plant in smaller patches all over the rest of the cave. It didn't help as much in rooms with sunlight. I think I was transplanting it in the back on purpose.

I lived there alone, but I'd had help in building it. Outside the cave, primitive people lived in three-walled huts. They spoke a Tarzan sort of English. Actually, it was more like American Sign Language, if it were spoken.

"I enjoy cat big, black."
"He Bob. He smell funny he."

Y'know?

I had some worn 1990s objects in my cave; torn clothing, broken car parts, sundry tools. I don't know if this was a post-apocalyptic world, or if I had stumbled into in a different time or dimension. I did feel that the people in the huts were the most advanced people I could find. They respected me and hunted and gathered for me, and I gave them my vast modern wisdom.

Also, I gave them religion.

Branching off from my tube was another cave. Somehow, it looked darker than even a cave should be. The opening was dripping with moss and plants. This was the Cave of the Gods.

Here, I'll draw a simplified floor plan of the caves:


Three cheers for ASCII art!

Anyway, the cave was linked to mine in two places. Only I knew about the second one. The first entrance was kept covered by a thick woven mat almost all the time. The locals were friendly with me, and one or two would usually join me for supper or drop by to chat. If the mat covering the entrance fell down, they would avert their eyes. If a wind made it sway a little, they'd turn pale.

Once or twice a month, the whole tribe would be lead in by the masked shaman-chief. Even the grown adults were scared by it, but their leader and his costumed assistants assured them that the righteous would come to no harm in the Cave.

They all ceremonially ate some spiky red berries, except for the masked leader and his assistants. Very likely hallucinogenic. Good idea on the shaman's part.

As they went in, hideous creatures scuttled to and fro. The same weird glowing plant also grew in the Cave of the Gods, but there it was eaten by raccoons and rats and other small animals. Their fur glowed very dimly, but their eyes and mouths were as bright as the luminous roots. Of course, they were still afraid of humans, so they scuttled off when the chief waved a rattle.

After a twisty, downward-slanting corridor, the cave opened into a large, high-ceilinged room. The weird little glowing potatoes were all over the ceiling, eerie indoor constellations lighting the festivities.

A tall and wide rock, flat on the top, was in the center of the large room and served as a stage. There they did...um, tribal stuff. They didn't let me in. I was liked and spoken to and generally treated like a member of the tribe, but when it came time to do the Cave of the Gods stuff, I was an outsider. That was also why I was allowed to live next to it, in another cave. That wouldn't hurt an outsider.

Of course, I'd gone in and poked around when no one was looking. I just hadn't seen the rituals or anything.

Anyway, I'd found a thin spot in the wall between the two caves. It gave way easily, and I'd found myself looking down into the big room. I hid the resulting rubble, and made a board with luminous bulbs on it to cover the hole. It looked okay from the ground.

I had also been making an enormous paper mache bird. One of the things I found I still had in this past/future/alternate dimension was a big box of Post-It notes and a bigger box of a terribly amateur self-published 'zine.

In the waking world, I have never published a 'zine.

The 'zine and some bungee cords and sticks and stuff had made a huge grey bird with realistically flapping arms, as well as an elastic harness to hang it by. I cut the Post-Its into feathers and stuck them laboriously on. I painted it with squeezings from the glowing roots.

Not a very good use of what was probably the only paper on that planet, but it's not like anyone's going to take the sacred scrolls seriously if they're on Post-Its. There's always hide or rock or bark.

I watched the tribespeople dance around and chant and sing, and when everything seemed to be coming to a head, I pulled the board aside and lowered the bird.

I should mention that I had no real reason for doing this. I just wanted to mess with the primitive guys' heads.

Everyone was really quiet and awe-struck. They started chanting again; a different, softer song.

I made some pretty good giant bird noises. Everyone was averting their eyes, so I decided to take that opportunity to reel the bird back in.

Unfortunately, the wings wouldn't fold back up. I couldn't fit it through the hole again. I really didn't want to get caught by a bunch of drug-crazed cavepeople. Crud.

I left the bird dangling, and ran off to get a flaming branch from the fire. As everyone watched the bird out of the corners of their eyes, I quickly lit it on fire.

Man, it exploded into flames like a poodle dipped in gasoline. Impressive. I unhooked the bungee cords and it fell to the floor. Dust flew everywhere, and it burned brighter. The tribespeople quite sensibly ran like hell. I put the board back and went out to look innocent.

I didn't have to worry. Everyone ran out of the cave and kept going, out to the village. I waited an hour or so, then went into the Cave of the Gods. The fire was out, and I grabbed the metal bits out of the bird-shaped pile of ash. I couldn't wait to see how that whole incident made it into the tribe's mythology.