By: The Editors [2001-11-07]

Petey Essay Contest

enough of this ''artistic ability'' crap

This mysterious Petey was in Petey Week, yet could not be found for the Complete Petey.

Hey, kids! Do you love Petey, yet don't have the artistic ability or the proper computer programs to express your love visually or musically?

Here's your chance - read on for details!

We were pawing through our voluminous files, searching for the installation instructions for our LIFETIME GUARANTEE MIRACLE WINDSHIELD WIPERS, when we came across the original Peteys.

Don't get excited - they're only "original" inasmuch as they're the actual chunks of magazine. We suspect the true original Peteys are stored in a temperature controlled vault in the living rock miles below Rogers, Arkansas. In the bad old days, we used to tear the actual Peteys out of the Ladies' Home Journals that our Pop was taking apart for his doll reference project, with no regard for the original date and context. Sad but true.

So what are we to do with these Elgin Peteys? We know, we'll have a contest! ~~We have costumes in the barn!~~

Thingsihate.org Petey Essay Contest!

Write, in twenty-five (25) words or less, What Petey Means to Me. The winner will receive several (several) original Petey comics, as well as whatever else we see fit to bestow upon them.

Email your entries to editors@thingsihate.org, where they will be lovingly read by ~~our team of trained professionals~~ ~~our thingsihate.org editors~~ Annna.

Deadline: Wednesday, 14th November.

Special Person Entering the World...Rabbit Meat! [2001-11-07 04:43:31] Lou Duchez

Heh, I just noticed that line on one of the Petey Week articles.

I'm suddenly envisioning an ad depicting Petey at a frat party, and all the other frat boys are puking their guts out. But Petey's standing there smiling, and telling the viewing audience: "Rabbit meat's one thing that won't EVER make you spew!"

If memory serves, though, the ad depicted on this page didn't appear anywhere during our chronological study of Petey. Whuh?

Ah... rabbit meat. [2001-11-07 12:08:02] tnreb

Much more of the Petey mythos becomes truly disturbing once you get to the explanation of rabbit meat.

Cthulu Petey [2001-11-07 14:18:19] Jacques Kitsch

A Cthulued Petey Story seems only (un)natural. I had started writing a Petey song to the tune of "I Want to Be Sedated"

Petey gets it from a farm down in Arkansas
Yeah, it's PelFreez Rabbit Meat
It comes frozen in a box, but it's not hard to thaw
Yeah, it's PelFreez Rabbit Meat
If you don't want to cook it, you can eat it raw
Yeah, it's PelFreez Rabbit Meat
You can put it in a blender and suck it through a straw
Yeah, it's PelFreez Rabbit Meat

Kind of something that eXtreme Petey might do--

"Chizum Trail"

Just thought I'd post to make it look hoppin' [2001-11-07 23:16:04] Jonas

(No pun actually intended.)

Was there ever any mention up to now of the original Petey Week? Some of us may have been believed Petey to be a new addition, but apparently he has been a guiding light for quite some time now.

Why is the archive, up until 06/01/99 in no order whatsoever and consist of 98.734% Annna's dreams? And why are Sean's nascent articles about things he hates secret? What's going on here??

"been believed" [2001-11-07 23:19:44] Jonas

Whatever. Back to Harry Potter and etc I go. This afternoon my neck opened up: it closed back up but then strange lumps started growing. Then I woke up; I felt my neck and it was fine, but it was also Saturday. Then I woke up again. That's the first time that's ever happened to me -- very disorientating!

Mama's Got a Sqeezebox [2001-11-08 15:29:13] Jacques Kitsch

Daddy doesn't sleep at night

Dreams and hidden articles [2001-11-08 20:04:20] Sean

There are many thingsihate secrets which even the editors do not understand.

Re: Jonas [2001-11-08 21:21:06] staniel

Sean, I think we broke his brain!

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