The Great Bacon Experiment: Introduction & Day 1

Gregory Mendel. Louis Pasteur. Stephen Hawking. Alex Chiu. Great men of science, every one of them. And what would you say, dear reader, if I were to tell you that I would be joining their ranks before the week's end? Would you scoff in disbelief? Would you humor me, simultaneously smiling, nodding, and slowly taking steps backward? Or would you, knowing that this is the sort of thing of which I would not make light, look on at me in awe and wonderment, and possibly a touch of amorous arousal, knowing that yours truly, who loves each and every one of you more than words can express, began on this very day writing his own little piece of what will one day go down in history?

I implore you, do not think my intentions ignoble. My desire for doing so, while not stemming from fame, fortune or a lust for greatness, is not totally selfless. Some of the rewards of this experiment -- I will be honest with you -- will not benefit science of mankind but will be reapable by me. Delicious bacon is one of these rewards.

Science has always been there as a provider of answers. We have questions. We ask, "Why do the planets go 'round the sun?" or "What are those monkeys doing?" or "What happens to a man who eats nothing but bacon for an entire week?" These are important questions, and often times, we have no good answers. We turn towards voodoo and old-timey superstition for our explanations, leading us down the trail to unquestioning faith in false information. Well let me tell you: There's no room for Jesus where bacon is concerned. Bacon requires facts; facts as cold and hard as my arteries very well may be by the end of my great hickory-smoked, pepper-rubbed experiment.

As the saying goes, there's one way to find out. And so, friends, for the next week, nothing shall pass my lips that isn't bacon or water. My vitals will be recorded and shared for all to see, along with daily journal entries. There will come a day when they'll charge you thirteen dollars a pop to enjoy this story in a movie theater. I truly believe you and I will see this in our lifetime. But for now, because you all mean so much to me, I invite you to follow along for the next week and interact. Ask me questions. Give me bacon suggestions. March right up and tap on the glass of the Bacon Dome inside which I have sealed myself and shall remain for the next seven days. And don't you worry about me. The environment is fully self-sustaining, providing me with everything that I need (which, in this case, is bacon).


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