By: Jonas
[2001-12-24]
Christmas Carols for You and Yours, Buddy
soon we'll be getting pretty loud
FROSTY THE SNOWMAN
Frosty the Snowman was an alcoholic goon
He would drink moonshine at a half-past nine
While barking at the moon
Frosty the Snowman ran afoul of the law
He slipped their snare and in the square
He shot the sheriff down
There must've been some pure grain
In that triple-X he packed
When the sheriff's men caught up to him
One look sent them all back
Frosty the Snowman now hides out in the woods
He scares the kids and pilfers cows
And gets as drunk as an Irishman
THE RUDOLPH THE RED-NOSED REINDEER PICTURE SHOW
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
Had a very shiny nose (How shiny was it?)
And if you ever saw it
You would even say it glowed (It glows!)
All of the other reindeer (Who's Olive?)
Use to laugh and call him names (Like "human-fucker"!)
They never let poor Rudolph
Join in any (Drinking!) games
Then one foggy Christmas Eve
Santa came to say (He has to come to talk?)
"Rudolph with your nose so bright (WHAT?)
Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?" (NO!)
Then all the reinder loved him (Even Olive?)
As they shouted out in glee (No, English!)
"Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (WHAT?!)
You'll go down (on Mrs. Claus!)!"
THE CHRISTMAS SONG
Chestnuts roasting on an open fire
Jack Frost nipping at your nose
Yuletide carols, and my good friend here Daryl
Getting pie-faced, on eggnog
Soon we'll be getting pretty loud
Maybe put on a lampshade
Swallow goldfish
Pass out in our pish
Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas
Eggnog
FROSTY THE RED-NOSED SNOWMAN
Frosty the Snowman was a very jolly soul
With a something nose and a jolly soul
And a something nose and soul
Frosty the Snowman was a happy, jolly soul
He did some stuff and something else
A very jolly soul
Then one foggy Christmas Eve
Santa came to say
"Frosty with your nose so bright
Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?"
Then all the reindeer love him
As they shouted out in glee
"Frosty the something Snowman
You'll down in history!"
Thumpity-thump-thump
Thumpity-thump-thump
Look at Frosty go
Thumpity-thump-thump
Thumpity-thump-thump
Just like Charlie Brown
Deck us all with Boston Charlie,
Walla walla, Wash., an' Kalamazoo!
Nora's freezin' on the trolley,
Swaller dollar cauliflower alley'garoo!
Don't we know archaic barrel,
Lullaby lilla boy, Louisville Lou?
Trolley Molly don't love Harold,
Boola boola Pensacoola hullabaloo!
Bark us all bow-wows of folly,
Polly welly cracker n' too-da-loo!
Donkey Bonny brays a carol,
Antelope Cantaloup, 'lope with you!
Hunky Dory's pop is lolly gaggin' on the wagon,
Willy, folly go through!
Chollie's collie barks at Barrow,
Harum scarum five alarum bung-a-loo!
Duck us all in bowls of barley,
Ninky dinky dink an' polly voo!
Chilly Filly's name is Chollie,
Chollie Filly's jolly chilly view halloo!
Bark us all bow-wows of folly,
Double-bubble, toyland trouble! Woof, Woof, Woof!
Tizzy seas on melon collie!
Dibble-dabble, scribble-scrabble! Goof, Goof, Goof!
I intend to confuse some people tomorrow singing some of these.
Welp, I'm back, after attending to deaths in the family, having to move unexpectedly, and so forth. I'm currently writing from my new secret headquarters in lovely Berea, Ohio, where things are coming together nicely as I feast on Winking Lizard pizza and Necco wafers.
Ghahh, I'm like several articles behind, and no amount of saying "the" will get me caught up.
Hi, Lou. I can't think of any more Christmas carols at the moment, but here's a spiffy Hymn from "Firesign"
O! Blinding Light!
O! Light that blinds
Look out for me
I cannot see
Is this really the only Christmas submission thingsihate.org received? That's pretty sad. Where's the quality control? Incidentally, it's "shouted out with glee".
I think that people are embarassed to talk about Christmas because it reminds them of when they wore pyjamers with feet in them. But those were fun and comfortable. One of my favorite memories of childhood Christmas was one year getting up early before everyone else, and thinking that it would be fun to plug-in the tree lights, then wake everyone. So, I stealthily made my way to the tree in the dark house
and tried to fit the plug into the wall. My fingers were still small enough that they got between the prongs on the plug and I got a bit of an electical jolt, I jumped knocking the tree over! I got the tree set vertical again, and made my way back to bed more than a little ambivalent about Christmas. That's my most vivid Christmas memory; also my sled "Rosebud"
My friend at that time, his family did the tree with REAL CANDLES that were lit on Christmas Eve. Also, I remember hand-painted eggs; they were real eggs that were blown-out then painted with Christmas scenes. There were countdown cards that had little windows to open for different days leading up to Christmas, building so much anticipation that the eventual arrival of Christmas was usually anticlimatic.
was reading the links section where it is mentionned that Sean bought the overpricedhaircut.com domain. am from now on referring to thingsihate as overpricedhaircut.com. love and kisses, Danielle
Once the only Christmas carol I liked was Weird Al Yankovic's "Christmas at Ground Zero," but I recently found a decent version of "The Little Drummer Boy," a song I normally hate. It's done by the Dandy Warhols. I highly recommend it, not least because the music video features a guy dancing about in his tighty-whities and a Santa cap. Merry Christmas, indeed.
