Undersea Nightmare - Part One

Biff was the first to regain consciousness inside the darkened craft.

He slowly found his legs under him and rose to the command console, and switched on the emergency power. A faint hum was heard as the systems came back on line and light flooded the vessel. Prodded by the light, his three companions in the Sea Devils came to and attempted to get their bearings.

Dane, their leader, was a brilliant scientist, if somewhat lacking in social skills. "Hmmm... chemical analysis detects anomalies in the waters around us. Diminished ionic concentration, absence of...." he trailed off to the complete approval of Judy, who had little patience for his coldly scientific ways.

"Little brother," she said to Nicky, "what exactly WERE you doing in the engine room just before... whatever happened? Hasn't Dane warned you not to screw around with the equipment?" Her tone was marked with a subtle but undeniable menace.

"I wasn't doing ANYTHING!" Nicky protested. "I was just down there with, um, well, you know, the thing, and it punctured and flew around the room and landed in...." Nicky stopped and blushed, and finally conceded: "Okay, maybe I was screwing around."

Dane scowled as he drew himself into the conversation. "Well guys," he started (earning Judy's trademark glare), "I can't explain it. There is a high alcohol concentration in the water here, somewhere between beer and hard liquor. Unfortunately, our navilog is down, so I still can't tell how we got here... wherever THAT is, no thanks to anyone in this room I'm sure."

Biff interrupted the finger-pointing: "I think we have some visuals. We seem to be no more than a few hundred feet off an inhabited coastline. Come take a look!" Dane peered into the machine and saw what at first looked like a group baptism: a bunch of men walking around in white robes, in and out of the water. Then he noticed a few women in the scene wearing aerobic apparel... and could it be? The women all looked alike? So did the men, for that matter.

Nicky scanned the scene next. "Oh man, this is too WEIRD. One of those women just climbed into a tree so she could hang down from a branch ... then one of those men walked underneath her and started rubbing his head against her feet." His eyes began to glaze over as he engaged in prurient fantasy, so Judy (all too versed in her brother's juvenile thought processes) dope-slapped him and took the machine.

"What's with their faces?" puzzled Judy. "All pasty white... and those angular features CAN'T be the work of a plastic surgeon, can they?"

"Gentlemen... and lady", started Dane (averting his eyes from Judy's icy glare), "there is only one possible explanation for all we have seen ... we are now on Bizarro Jesus World."

TO BE CONTINUED