Undersea Nightmare - Part Seventeen

The battle had been raging for hours in the box canyon, with Biff's back against the wall as he decimated wave after wave of Bizarro Jesii with the Pilatizer. Biff had seen his share of war back in WWII, or perhaps Korea, Vietnam, or Iraq, but that was from the safety of a bomber. Up close and personal, it was quite a different affair.

Still, Biff was starting to enjoy the unique ways the various Jesii met their demise. Sad Clown Bizarro Jesii, when hit with the Pilatizer, would suddenly start trying to sweep up spotlights until they exploded with a scream. Retired Bit Part Actor Bizarro Jesii would briefly be seen wearing red "Star Trek" uniforms and then fall to the ground with round sucker marks on their faces. And Sitcom Next Door Neighbor Bizarro Jesii would simply find themselves too embroiled in strange predicaments to continue fighting. Biff was certain there was a country music tune to write from the experience, but that would have to wait.

Suddenly, Biff heard a cry from the air: "Grab ahold, big guy!" It was Dane and Nicky in the Sea Devils' heligyro, dropping a rope ladder down to lift their friend to safety. Biff grabbed ahold and was carried out of harm's way.

The heligyro touched ground again in a clearing several miles off. "It looks bad," said Dane. "The various warring factions of Bizarro Jesii have united under a single leader, and have their sights set on ruling the universe. But... who leads them?"

Their discussion came to a halt as they heard the roar of an approaching motorcycle. As it came closer, they saw that a sidecar was attached, and the driver was certainly no stranger to them: Judy, the last member of the Sea Devils.

Her ally in the sidecar was not quite so easy to identify, at least to Dane and Biff. Nicky, on the other hand, could barely contain himself. "Wink Martindale! Judy, you brought Wink Martindale to save us! It's really Wink!"

Judy gave her brother a well-deserved dope-slap and related what she had learned. "It seems Wink was brought here to help oversee the Bizarro Jesii, as their overlord was too busy to watch their day-to-day affairs himself. Wink can lead us to the overlord's headquarters, though he says he has never actually had the gonads to look at the overlord's face." Judy shot a dirty look at Wink, who, overcome with Nicky's fawning admiration, had completely missed her subtle insults.

With Wink Martindale guiding them, the Sea Devils made their way to the overlord's headquarters, located, oddly enough, in a vacant lot in Velcro City. Biff stepped out of the heligyro first and immediately began to walk the perimeter of the lot, looking for signs of the enemy.

"Now where's da creep? He's got a lot to answer for," he growled, looking down at the blood-stained child's doll he had tied to his belt. His reverie came to a sudden halt as a powerful fist connected with his jaw, and sent him flying. "I am here, fools!" bellowed a powerful voice.

Biff pressed his finger against his lip to staunch the sudden flow of blood, and looked up in horror. Towering over him was the most terrifying Bizarro Jesus he'd ever seen (and he'd seen hundreds that day): dressed like a harmless street mime, his very being exuded evil unlike anything Biff or his comrades had ever faced. For standing before them was: the Godspell Bizarro Jesus.

TO BE CONCLUDED