By: Matie
[2002-02-22]
Ping and Pong
Blasting a Path
This amazingly precocious grasp of international politics was written and illustrated by Matie, when she was maybe ten years old. Submitted by her Pop.
Once upon a time there were two countries named Ping and Pong, because they were.
Everyone in Ping was named Harold. The King of Ping was called Big Harold.
Everyone in Pong was named Olga. The Queen of Pong was called Big Olga.
Everybody in Ping and Pong was amazingly stupid.
One day Big Harold decided to stick a fork in his leg. "Ow!" he said.
When they heard Big Harold's cry, all the villagers ran to see what happened.
"It must have been Olga," said Harold the Baker.
"We must go to war with Pong," said Harold the Lazy.
"Yeah!" screamed Harold, Harold, Harold, Harold, Harold, Harold, and Harold.
Everyone in Ping ran to the border of Ping and Pong and started throwing twigs, sticks, and sometimes whole trees.
Then the villagers of Pong picked up the sticks that the Harold had thrown.
This went on and on until, on the twentieth anniversary, everybody woke up and forgot what they were fighting about and everyone lived happily ever after.
"Hmm, I wonder what it's like to stick a fork in your leg," said Big Olga.
THE END
Matie seems to have a lot of political sense. I still laugh about, "Herbie, the Love President" Maybe another Edith Green.
it's clear that this "child's story" is nothing less than resurfaced memories from a past life. Matie clearly took place in the events surrounding the Norman Conquest, when multiple Harolds went to war at Stamford Bridge. "Olga" is Olaf, of course.
"HAROLD III or Harold Hardrada king of Norway (1046?66), half brother of Olaf II. The hard-pressed king of the English, HAROLD, defeated the Norse invasion at Stamford Bridge; both Harold III and Tostig fell in the battle. However, the way had been prepared for the Norman victory at Hastings."
http://www.bartleby.com/65/ha/Harold3.html
The Norman Pumpernickel Choir strikes again!
I gotta say ... at the age of 34, I still can't compose a story half as well as a 10-year-old Matie could.
Any chance you're selling Truwe genes? In an easy-to-swallow caplet, perhaps?
Any day now the breakthrough in genetics means that everyone who can afford it can fix an extra 'n' in their name and get brilliantly weird. Or, if the ens don't strike your fancy, you can go Gene-o-Mati-E-C.
Just wait.
There has been some successful research with RNA transfers for speedy learning. I have thought that it is possible to scan and synthesize RNA, I want to do this so that I can play the piano well without the sweat of years of practice. In effect, I will become a player-piano, but with synthesized RNA instead of a perforated roll of paper. 22 amino acids and a little sugar, but the sequencing is critical. Photochromatography in my kitchen sink.
Big Olga's a bit exciting to me; I envisage dirndl, sword, horned helmet, and the Valkyr All-Star Intermural Squad.
Did Matie ever stick herself or anyone else in the leg with a fork, or was she one of those kids who could make the separation between fantasy and reality? Personally, I'm hoping there are a number of people walking around southern Oregon with tine wounds, just because little girls who stab people with forks are funny.
There's a saying that boys never grow up, their toys just get more expensive. I think that for girls, they never grow up, they just get bigger forks.
Wow. I wish that I could put the world into this much of an original prespective. The only difference between the story and real life is that in real life, it becomes a blood feud that nobody remembers the reason for which goes on and on forever and ever until the UN comes in and seperates the two.
Kind of like Der Ring des Nibelungen, or the Ring of Liver Pudding.
Lou: Truwe genetic material is still available, though motility gets lower every day. [Comment about "swallowing" deleted by author.] I should also point out that both Anna and Matie are as yet single, and just chock-full of genetic material.
Staniel: I don't recall Matie's ever sticking anyone with a fork. My memory may be faulty; Anna would be the one to ask. I also refer you to "Matie Is Pointy," at which point she carried a knife. There was a period when she was known to bite.
Aspcp: We aren't actively looking for adoptees, but the option is open. Submit your application to editors@thingsihate.org
Staniel,
When Matie was quite young, 2 or 3 years old, she would run excitedly to adults she knew, big smile on her innocent face. The foolish ones would squat down with open arms to catch and hug her. She wouldn't slow up on approach, she delighted in crashing into them and knocking them down. And then laughing and laughing. She didn't need a fork.
