By: Annna [2002-03-01]

Great Literature and Falling Off Furniture

Past Blather

Pop here, still mining the backlog. This is an e-mail from Anna dated 1-28-99, back when she was up to five N's:


Bill Me


Tuesday my Literature teacher offered extra credit to anyone who would act in a scene from Julius Caesar, which we were reading at the time. Mind you, not actually memorizing or rehearsing or anything, just reading from the book. I volunteered for every part as she handed them out, and eventually got assigned Mark Antony.

We were to put on the scene of Caesar's funeral, act III scene ii, I believe. I was going to make a toga, but all my sheets are inappropriate colors and too short anyway. I found a site that tells you how to build a better toga -- http://www.connect.net/ron/howtomakeatoga.html -- and planned to go buy some nice red fabric. Unfortunately, that would have involved actually leaving the dorm, so I ended up not doing it after all.

I managed to borrow a large white sheet from Liz, the one person in this wing with whom I have managed to converse successfully. She kept it for this very purpose. Preliminary draping indicated that it was a Bad Idea for me to wear a toga, particularly a white one. I folded the sheet and put it in my bag. If the guy playing Caesar (Dead) couldn't keep a straight face, we could put it over him.

Meanwhile, I decided to take the Elizabethan attitude towards costuming. Modern dress all the way. Except I found a box of red "Hello! My Name Is" tags when I was searching for a highlighter for my lines, so I wrote the main characters' names on 'em. Perfect.

Oh, yeah. I did read the lines a lot and practice saying 'em. It's not like I was totally preoccupied with the outfit.

So we all showed up for class, having decided not to meet a few minutes early and rehearse. Everyone liked the name tags, especially Plebes 1-4. Caesar (Dead) tied the sheet into a toga over his Hawaiian shirt and cowboy boots. Caesar (Dead) and myself went outside the classroom, waiting for our cue. Wait.

"You're dead. I have to get you in somehow."

Caesar (Dead) sort of panicked, but I quickly looked through the script and realized Plebe #4 had no lines until after Caesar's body entered. I opened the door slightly. He was right at the end of the mass of plebes. I bet they were in numerical order. Anyway, I yanked him out the door and explained the situation.

While Brutus was winning the crowd over with his oratorical skills, Mark Antony and Plebe #4 were in the hall, experimenting with different ways of carrying Caesar's body. We eventually decided that I would grab his legs and Plebe #4 would grab his arms. We also decided that he was not going on the table, but rather the floor in front of the table. We heard our cue, and picked up the Emperor.

He was a very good sport about it. The class suppressed a giggle as we tried not to whack him against anything. Plebe #4 went and stood next to (presumably) Plebe #3, and I did some crouching and half-sobbing while waiting for Brutus to wrap it up.

0<-< Caesar
____________
|TABLE |
| |
------------
|#| <--chair

Anyway, Brutus was standing on the chair. He finished, and I ascended.

"Friends, Romans, countrymen--"

And that's when I nearly fell off the damn chair. I did some pretty fancy gyrations and managed not to tip too far.

The rest went pretty well, except for the crowd. Whenever kids read Shakespeare out loud, the ones reading the crowd think they have to CHANT the crowd lines in unison, like some demented chorus.

EVERYBODY: Oh! Mur-der! We will burn their hou-ses! (pause, pause) Where is Bru-tus?

[Example. I don't have the book on me.]

Anyway, I was emoting the heck out of the lines and stuff, and started tearing up at one point. We finished the scene to thunderous applause, and Caesar (Dead) stood up and announced that our bungling had given him an Atomic Toga Wedgie and if we had run a minute longer, he would have scooted himself offstage and dealt with it. He then left the room and came back disheveled and toga-less.

During our 5-minute break, the professor wandered over to me and complimented my ACTING! I said something like, "Uh, was it real obvious when I nearly fell off a chair?" "Oh, no," she said, "I just thought you were being distraught."

She went on to praise my acting ability even more, which confused the hell out of me, because I seriously have about three acting styles: Shouty Person; REALLY Shouty Person; and Person Related to One of the Actors, Holding the Scenery Up but Not Actually in the Scene so Please Don't Notice Her.

I guess Shakespearean stuff is good for actors who only know how to enunciate, project their voices, and pronounce things well, even when they don't know what they mean. It would explain the percentage of Star Trek actors who are former Shakespeareans. It's not like talking about being foolish fond and about your bodkin is much different than announcing that the inertial dampers have altered the phase harmonics of the warp nacelles.

The professor said something to the effect of "If you ever decide to stir up a riot, tell me. I'd like to see it."

And the moral of the story is: If you can disguise the fact that you're about to fall off a small chair, you're probably a pretty good actor and can incite the masses to revolt.

Annnnna
Ren and Stumpy [2002-03-01 05:10:15] Jacques Kitsch
I think that they have Shakespeare and a Ren Faire in Ashland, Oregon. Also, because of the clear-cutting timber biz, they could put up a big billboard that says, "Ren&Stumpy"
Bugs [2002-03-01 05:16:27] Jacques Kitsch
Last night's news, they had a segment from the Smithsonian Natural History's bug breeding department. They had some giant exotic grasshoppers, but no damn lightning bugs.
The Mistress Thespian [2002-03-01 05:44:49] Lou Duchez
It's the damndest thing about Shakespeare -- the material is by and large solid, but depending upon the actors, the end result will either be hideous or inspired.

Personally, I like "Twelfth Night" starring Imogene Stubbs, Ben Kingsley, and Helena Bonham Carter. But I'm pretty sure I would not like it starring Heather Locklear, Tor Johnson, and Molly Shannon.
a five n anna! [2002-03-01 05:56:29] alptraum
this is the highest ranking officer we've heard of yet. although I'm starting to wonder if the "girls" and "pop" aren't actually noms de plume of a single, sinister entity whose full intentions have not been revealed yet...
Two-Backed Beast [2002-03-01 06:29:52] Jacques Kitsch
I still crack-up at the scene in The Tempest where the guy staggers onto the deck of the tossing ship, and says, "Ack! The Two-Backed Beast!" The "Prospero's Book" version of it is wonderous.
the moral of the story [2002-03-01 07:42:12] alptraum
Sure, almost falling off things is an old politician's trick. Seneca counselled: "Quid pro podium quasi plummetare oratoria succedeanum audiencia magna bonum." Hitler used to strap bacon fat to his soles. Khruschev had an aide whose job was to try to push him over during his speeches to make his gestures more dramatic.

Little known fact, Abe Lincoln fell off the podium no less than seven times during the Gettysburg Address, and that's what made this otherwise lame speech such a hit. A recently uncovered reporter's shorthand of the Address begins thusly: "Four score and whoa- JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!!! (thump) (thump) (WHAM) (pause) I'm OK, everybody, I'm OK. Can somebody give me a hand getting my beard out of this knothole here? (wild applause)"
Churchill [2002-03-01 09:32:51] Jacques Kitsch
Winston Churchill, in his famous "We have nothing to drink but beer itself!" speech, raucously broke wind, then jumped as if startled and spun around yelling, "What the hell was that?" narrowly escaping a disasterous fall off his Cuban heels.
Sinister Entreaty [2002-03-01 11:14:23] Pop
Can't Mom be a part of the sinister entity?
Big Nurse [2002-03-01 11:39:30] Jacques Kitsch
Mom, in her role as "Big Nurse," and according to Keasey's analysis of the World as being composed of Two Forces, i. e., McMurphy, representing the Dionysian, and Big Nurse, represtning the Apollonian, and repressive, although structuring part of AntiNature, might well be included in the Evil Enterprise of supressing all that is Wild and Free. But how about a couple of #30 dilaudids, Mom?
Many N's, but... [2002-03-01 16:38:56] Jonas
I hate the way HTML doesn't let one display multiple spaces in a row, without using the prolix six-character code. There are few things in life I HATE, but that's one of 'em. Hmm... no wonder I like this site so much.

"Ceaser (Dead) and myself went..."? Obviously her undergraduate work.
"Myself" . . . Harumph! [2002-03-01 17:54:10] Pop
She didn't get that hifalutin lingo from ME.
eowi0934w3h [2002-03-02 04:37:34] dde34iu8
I am afraid of the weather!!! 76&^596&%97697^49&$(&
Shakespeare Weather [2002-03-02 08:05:23] Jacques Kitsch
And well you should fear the weather!

(Enter Lear and Fool)

Lear: Blow, winds, and crack your cheeks! rage! blow!
You cataracts and hurricanoes, spout
Till you you have drench'd our steeples, drown'd the cocks!
You sulphurous and thought-executing fires,
Vaunt-couriers to oak-cleaving thunderbolts,
Singe my white head! And thou all-shaking thunder
Smite flat the thick rotundity o' the world!
---
Rumble thy bellyful! Split, fire! spout, rain.
Nor rain, wind, thunder, fire, are my daughters

(Enter Kent): Since I was man,
Such sheets of fire, such bursts of horrid thunder,
Such groans of roaring wind and rain, I never
Remember to have heard; man's nature cannot carry
The affliction nor the fear --
poopOpOpOpOpoPo [2002-03-02 09:40:36] jdrhfkiut3874474747474
I hate poop
Oedipus [2002-03-02 13:18:18] Jacques Kitsch
Then, go and poop no more
qwerty [2002-03-02 15:09:56] alptraum
if you are going to post when drunk at least confess your sins or something interesting... the weather is VERY boring, poop is SO 1997... next time let's hear about your oedipus complex or something less hackneyed, o incoherent one
Shakespeare and the Language [2002-03-03 00:01:11] Darkness
I personally am fond of Shakespeare for the way that he would just make up words, which today we don't even notice in his plays because they entered general usage through the popularity of his works. I don't have an example at the moment, mostly 'cause my copy of "Complete Works" is AWOL.

My own efforts in this direction have been stymied by the public's reluctance to accept new words into the language without them being ceaselessly repeated by the media: witness the popularity of "the Internet" and the relative paucity of my own humble contributions "angstful" (useful for both people and situations) and "cataracty" (useful for both waterfall-like objects and milky, unseeing orbs.)

Admittedly, the Bard's were more gripping, but don't think just 'cause those are both adjectives that I am a one-trickish pony.
A Marked Paucity [2002-03-03 00:38:07] Jacques Kitsch
I like Shakespearean oratory, and find humor and amusement in people's idiosycracies of speech. There was a conversation between a Caltifornia girl and a California guy that I want to work into a film someday. The girl had upspeak, and would inflect upward at the end of sentences, or when there was a point or item that she wished to emphasize. This habit of upspeak is moderately annoying to me for the reason that inflecting upward and pausing gives me the impression that although the conversation might be pedestrian and prosaic, I get the impression that the speaker is asking me, "Am I going too fast for you?" and I want to yell at them, "Get on with it!" So, the upspeaker girl's boyfriend is bored and cool, so he's downspeaking in counterpoint to the cheerfully rising lilt, his unvarying response is a cynically descending drawl. A newer female habit of speech is the chirpy dry squeek as if the speaker's throat is dry and she has not enough air to finish a sentence but does so anyway. This is more annoying than chalk on a blackboard, but slightly less irritating than the whine of a dentist's pneumatic turbine drill. Maybe Shakespeare done in upspeak, but it's probably already been done. Or "Romeo, O, Romeo" in that Gawd-awful chirpy squeek.
go to where? when? [2002-03-03 16:16:33] buzzmccoy
what happened to the "you will click HERE to go to archive"?

i miss it.
Just click [2002-03-03 16:25:23] Jacques Kitsch
archive. It's not the same, but it goes to the same place.
Grippling [2002-03-03 20:29:12] aspcp
Darkness: "Admittedly, the Bard's were more gripping,"

Maybe "grippling" would be a better word here, to avoid confusion. (Since "gripping" already refers to holding on to something.) Although the spoken word would sound a lot like "crippling," which could be bad in some situations.

Then there's "grappling," or "grabblin'" as they say it 'round these parts. But that's another story.
rediculous [2004-04-27 19:12:00] mitch
i hate not pooping. like when you have the rhea and you have to hold it. difinitely hate not being about to poop.
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