By: DeWalt Russ [2002-03-11]

Odd Little Accident

Stay Back 300 Feet

Somebody got run over last Monday in the middle of Telegraph Avenue.

It was evidently a hit-and-run, as there were no cars stopped nearby; merely a lumpy, indistinct supine human form in a purple t-shirt, black jeans, and a pair of hiking boots. When I walked past, an ambulance was on-scene, and paramedics had the victim in a stretcher, and already had him (?) attached to an IV. Two of them leaned over him in their dark blue jumpsuits, speaking to his eyes.

It was a surprisingly somber sight against such a warm, bright Monday afternoon. A large crowd stood mostly silent on the sidewalk. A physically disabled man with a surprisingly well-trimmed beard sat in the street in his motorized wheelchair, staring vacantly. As I watched, I heard sirens behind me.

Up pulled the hook and ladder truck from the Berkeley Fire Department, gleaming and rumbling diesel. I looked at the sign at the end of the ladder trailer, reading, "stay back 300 feet," and saw the fireman leap from the little steering cab at the very end. How exactly does a single hit-and-run victim warrant the dispatching of a hook and ladder fire truck? The car didn't run him over in his sixth-floor apartment.

I paused for only a moment, when I heard a spectator say, "The car just went right over him." I thought then about the shape of the human body, about the physics involved, how the body physically reacts, and how it retains its general shape, despite the trauma. Limbs may be broken, and organs ruptured, but that body did not bear this outwardly - no cartoonish dents. The cold physics exist separately from, and in spite of the psychological collision, the nightmarish revolutions of the subjective mind. The mind is crushed and deformed, sent spinning and screaming and weeping as the world lays sideways, while the body comes rapidly to rest, inscrutably plump. The cold physics would be the same under any circumstance where a body came into contact with such a force. It is up to the subjective mind to recognize how it has placed the body in the specific, subjective circumstances of the collision, and how it must now bear the consequences imposed by those ever-present laws that govern the behavior of matter.

As I walked away, I heard yet more sirens. From the other direction came one of those larger Fire Dept. rescue vehicles, built on the chassis of a Freightliner commercial truck, with comically small wheels. I put my fingers to my ears and scowled at the driver. They were rushing to the same scene.

The paramedics already had him laced up on the stretcher and IV'd. These were just more paper tigers, arriving with an empty ambulance to loiter uselessly and assess the situation brusquely from behind bristly mustaches. They would stand there and gaze down at the inert victim and perhaps keep the sun from his eyes. It was quite warm and bright.

There was no broken glass, no gasoline spilled into the street. There was no fire hazard, no wreckage to clean up. There was only an injured person, strapped to a plastic slab, staring up in bewilderment from the shadows of a dozen idle emergency workers.
Help Wanted [2002-03-11 01:11:21] Pop
Um, about that cartoonist you're looking for . . . I'm not a cartoonist, but I am very regular. How big a sample do you need?
nice description [2002-03-11 01:25:40] alptraum
the sad thing is, if this guy had crawled to a stoop he probably could have lain there all day. hey, maybe all those people aren't homeless -- they're just hit and run victims with amnesia. I present "Irregular Pop", a brief one-act play on the subject:

Setting: Main Street, Anytown, USA
Chet: (thinking to self as crosses street) "I'd better rework on the figures for the Faltbalg presentation ASAP."
(THUMP *whimper* *crawl* *crawl*)
Chet: (thinking to self as gingerly probes mangled legs) "Who am i? man I'm thirsty. The voices in my head are telling me to kill. But first, time for a nap."
CURTAIN
Mexican Shrines [2002-03-11 01:36:53] Jacques Kitsch
Where was that crazy old lady of a Berkeley street poet when this happened? Maybe she got previously run over by the bus of the future, now no more than a chalk outline on the sidewalk. A small cross and some flowers, a rubber teddy bear commemorating the point of intersection in the discontinuum. Those back boards give me the creeps, and the whole firetruck zombie schtick of demented Keystone Kops. I stopped to look in the Antique Store window for a moment, and a speeding car smacked three old women on the opposite corner of the street where I would have been had not I been distracted. The car sent them flying into the air to be stopped by a building, slide down the front of the building behind the hedge, then the damned car hit them again as it came to a stop. The old women were still as the pyrotechnocrats strapped them onto the boards. But I think that the guy in the mechanized wheel chair ran over him.
Purple prose [2002-03-11 08:43:59] dunc
If you'd got his name it could have been a human interest story from the paper. As it is, it's actually pretty good!
aha [2002-03-11 08:48:49] alptraum
a hit and run with such lack of surrounding evidence? no skid marks, gas, broken glass?

I think it's clear that this person either fell from a helicopter or hang glider, was sucked down an airplane toilet and ejected into the stratosphere, slipped from his parachute harness, or was tossed violently upwards from a manhole by an angry pack of mutant crocodiles.
dtykj [2002-03-11 09:01:22] yfuik6
ytjdtgyjidyjdyutyuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
Skid Marks [2002-03-11 11:42:17] Jacques Kitsch
Given any one of those events, it would be a safe bet that there are skid marks.
heh heh [2002-03-11 14:20:14] alptraum
VULCANIZED RUBBER skid marks...

hell i probably have incriminating skid marks as i type this...
one thing is certain... [2002-03-11 15:40:17] alptraum
woe be upon he who tries to run knifekitten over
Pickelhaube [2002-03-11 19:09:48] Jacques Kitsch
A pickelhaube might contribute to pedestrian safety.
leather hats with spikes on [2002-03-12 08:49:35] dunc
People fall on your head a lot then?
Cars [2002-03-12 12:55:37] Jacques Kitsch
Well, cars wouldn't want to run over you because they'd get flat tyres.
idle workers [2002-03-12 19:43:29] winchester
I'm going to be serious. Terribly sorry.
Dispatch goes by a formula. The workers arriving late were first responders (that's funny, I know) and the rescue truck was really a good call, since scant information may have led to a believed pinning and heavy rescue has the gear to lift cars. The medics could have diregarded the other responders (or maybe they're not allowed to. That would be dumb).
Having almost been run over many times by morons who like shiny trucks but don't have consideration, I'm happy to have more trucks obstructing the road: it forces people to slow down. We like to see each other, too, and will sometimes continue on to have a quick word or hand shake with someone who may once have saved our lives. We also have radios that we monitor while we're at those scenes, and we know our territory enough to jump a run when we're not needed. Rest assured, if your dumb butt had gotten hit while you were looking at the other doofus, the idle men would have strapped you down and hauled you off, and you'd have been glad they continued on to the scene. I've seen that happen, too.
I think the jumpsuits are funny. If you want to upset those guys, call them leotards.
I'm sorry to have been so serious, and it is even more absurd to see a chief, 3 pumpers and a truck at a kitchen smoked up by overcooked beans.
Seriousness, etc. [2002-03-12 20:37:06] DeWalt Russ
I was more mystified by the hook and ladder truck than I was by that second ambulance.

I figured that there was some sort of protocol that dictated that sort of reaction. I wrote this thing because strange it was to see a person lying in the middle of an otherwise undisturbed street. I didn't really intend to critique the paramedics--just to point out that there was very little they could do at the scene.

If the paramedics can patch up my dumb butt, that's all I ask.
Bio Betty [2002-03-12 23:27:36] Jacques Kitsch
I think that I would have taken the HazMat approach to the situation. First, to establish a hotline and cordone off the contaminated area. Assume the worst and suit-up in Level 4 gear, set-up decontamination stations. Get plenty of appropriate containment/neutralizer, such as "Acid Annie," "Bio Betty," "Caustic Katie," etc.; in this instance, "Bio Betty" would be indicated. Hose entire area with "Bio Betty," and assume the worst case, such as contamination with bio agents such as Hentai Herbivore Herpes, or Bulemic Bubonic Bukkake, and call in nuclear strikes. Swab affected area with hexamethyldichlorostroniumiodide phosphate. Repeat as needed.
napalm the block [2002-03-13 09:32:09] winchester
I would vote for fire. Fire Fire.
DeWalt (incidentally, that's the name of some battery operated tools we carry on the truck: pronounced DEEE-walt (swallow the "t") for the redneck firefighter pronunciation), Paramedics are glorified taxi drivers, although they're more glorified than EMT's. I'm an EMT, being too ign'ant to interpret them squiggly lines on the monitor.
why the guy didn't become a lump of shit [2002-03-19 17:37:54] ghost32
the reason why we don't come apart or get dented because flesh and skin are pliable. After massive trauma or a punch muscle does not cave in this is because of blood flowing and sinew retaining the orginial shape. I guess?
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