Petey vs. the Lagomorphia Ray, Chapter 9

I ordered the henchmen to stand down. They would only delay him. Sooner or later, Petey would penetrate my lair. I had no chance against his lethal techniques, I knew that. My only hope was that, just maybe, he would be hungry enough to listen.

I paced back and forth across the carpet, chewing on my nails and watching the giant radarscope track the inexorable progress of the antennaed mutant-boy. I sighed and thought over, once more, what I would say to him when he entered.

I heard rabbit bones cracking outside my steel vault door, and then a belch as Petey finished his between-snack meal.

There was no point in adding any delay. I unbarred and opened the door and stared my curiously-shaped adversary in the eyes. He stared back, twitching his strange cyborg-like antennae. I knew his face well.
Bolivia, Morocco, Antarctica... that face had followed me even to Warp
Station V high above Jupiter. All the words I had planned to say fell apart in my mind for a moment.

Petey chuckled, and then said in his coldest tone, "Give me one reason not to kill you."

I nodded solemnly and replied, mentally crossing my fingers,
"Pel-Freez."

"Rabbit meat?" I had his interest.

"The Department sent you back in to the farm. Have you ever stopped to ask yourself just how they knew there was a second hutch?"

"Rabbits..." He seemed genuinely struck by the question. As I had hoped.

"They lied to you, boy. That wasn't the only time, either."

"And you're telling the truth? Why should I believe a word out of your mouth?"

"Because you're no fool. They blindered you, but you can still think for yourself. If you want to." I felt a brief, very brief, moment of sympathy for him. "The freighter was never destroyed. Think about that."

"You mean..." He paused expectantly.

"All the cargo is still frozen and intact. Leave me in peace and it's yours, all fourteen tons. That's at least enough rabbit meat for a year."

He was visibly torn... he came here to do a job, but I had made an offer he could ill afford to refuse. "You still haven't said one word in your defense, Baron." So he wanted his conscience clear before he would take a bribe; fine. I had a card to play there as well.

"One word? Okay, how about this one: Patty."

A gurgle of surprise. I could nearly read his thoughts. He despised
Patty, but solely because she came between him and his beloved rabbit meat. He had probably never stopped to think about the possibility that
Patty had anything other than the Department's best interests at heart.

I continued with a couple more words. "Good Housekeeping."

He cocked his head and muttered, "Go on." Despite it all, from the jungles to the lunar mines to the heart of the sun, he was still just a boy. I nearly patted him on the head before I remembered that terrible appetite and what he had done to my war-steed Flopsy.

"When you destroyed my volcano, I rebuilt, yes. But it took time, very much time. How could I have continued development of the Lagomorphia
Ray? I had no resources, no manpower."

"You're saying Patty..."

"Yes. There is only one Lagomorphia Ray in the world, and it's in
Washington, behind a door marked Good Housekeeping. That's why Patty was on the docks, that's why she declined sixths on the you-know-what, and that's why she sent you here."

"To get me out of the way." His voice was full of scorn, as far from the usual boyish chirp as I had ever heard it. Scorn for Patty, or for me? Did he believe my story?

"Kill me if you're going to, I've said my piece."

He pulled a hunk of cold rabbit from his pocket and gnawed on it. He closed his eyes... he was thinking, thinking hard. After a surprisingly short time, he finished his snack and gave his answer.

As he walked out the door, I reflected on everything I'd said. Despite all the deception, I hadn't lied once. The Department of Agriculture had done that job for me.