THINGS I HATE CAPTION CONTEST

The Sikorsky VH-3D Sea King has been flown by Marine Helicopter Squadron 1 (HMX-1) for several decades now. While its image is perhaps inextricably linked to the sordid departure of the Nixon administration, it has served with distinction under every subsequent administration, past even the useful service life of the ASW and S&R variants of the H-3 airframe.

You moron! Are you trying to break Mother's other hip?

SUPERINTELLIGENT DOG WITH THE CLONED BRAIN OF DICK CHENEY: No, George, not on the tarmac! Heel! ... Aw crap, not again. No pretzel for you tonight, chump.

I implore future commenters: PLEASE, offer some urbane comment about how dumb he is; it never grows old!

Do your own dirty work, Scott; I'm tired.

The problem is that no comedic efforts come close to the imbecilic genius of the man himself. What can be said about a man who almost assassinated himself with a salty snack food and WAVED AT STEVIE WONDER? (scroll to last item) But I feel your pain, casey... just one of the many, many reasons why Jay Leno should be publicly bitch-slapped.

(the sound of George's lightsaber as it connects with the dog)

The American Dog Breeders Union members go on strike to protest President Bush's choice of a foreign dog breed and resultant job loses in an already depressed Dog Breeders job market.

"Bush protects the steel industry from foreign competitors yet he blatently flaunts her preference for foreign canine breeds over red-blooded American breeds. He's no patriot by my book." -- Rick Singleton, ADB Union Head.

Although maybe Mrs. Bush picked the dog out.

"Awww, dang! Seems like EVERYONE'S trying to pull me over to the far right!"

(This also works as a political cartoon. Make the dog wear a sweater that says "Extremists in the Republican Party", the ladies are wearing garments that say "Rank-and-file Republicans", the helicopter is emblazoned with the words "the Midwest", and the Marine is "Alan Greenspan".)

Let us remember that this is a man who made the Japanese markets spiral just by giving a speech to them, and not knowing what "devaluation" means. Amazing that this sort of thing never happened under other Presidents.

I think it's a fair observation that he's none too bright. He's just like an episode of "That's My Bush!", but without learning anything by the end of the episode.

I am reminded of Geothe's "Faust" wherein Mephistopheles appears to Faust as a black poodle; I'm pretty sure that Dubya has been getting his instructions from this Scotty Devil Dog! There are many lines which Mephistopheles speaks to Faust that might fit.

In sprang the dog, indeed, observing naught;
Things now assume another shape,
The devil's in the house and can't escape.

or

I must confess, my stepping o'er
Thy threshold a slight hindrance doth impede;
The wizard-foot doth me retain.

or

If it so please thee, I'm at thy command;
Only on this condition, understand;
That worthily thy leisure to beguile,
I here may exercise my arts awhile.

or

At thine inaugural feast I will this day
Attend, my duties to commence.--
But one thing !--Accidents may happen, hence
A line or two in writing grant, I pray

or more prosiac:

"This way, George!"

After successfully landing at Shannon, US Bush is towed to its parking bay by DOG125, across the path of two oncoming random females and viewed with a certain degree of contempt by a member of the Air Corps.

"The president's pretzel-sniffing dog springs into action. The suspicious item was later determined to be a Funyun."

After determining that the dog was in fact a terrorist, President Bush managed to capture it making yet another airfield safe for democracy.

THE CIA TRAINED THIS LITTLE DOG TO FIND ONLY THE MOST FRIGHTENED AND INSECURE CHILDREN FOR ME TO SEDUCE FOR MY BIRTHDAY. I LOVE BEING THE PRESIDENT!

"I always disliked dogs, those protectors of cowards who lack the courage to fight an assailant themselves."
-August Strindberg

"Cry Havoc, and let slip the dogs of war."
-Shakespeare

"W", seen here practicing his golf swing with the assistance of his genetically "dumbed-down" dog.

"The Marine is Alan Greenspan."

I don't know why I find that hilarious, but I do.

I hope you're all emailing these to Scott as well as posting them in the comments.

I knew you wouldn't disappoint me, ThingsIHate! These captions are genius!

As opposed to me, who can't even post with the correct name.

George's cartoon balloon:
"Here, kitty, kitty!"

I was originally going to say BIG GAY DICKS, but in light of the other comments I thought that a different, more incisive approach was needed, so I guess I'll have to go with HOT GAY DICKS and leave issues of size up to the reader's imagination.

On another, more self-aggrandizing note, I am currently in the concept stages of another KNIFEKITTEN ADVENTURE and am offering a vote on the storyline:

A. Knifekitten fights for the Republican forces during the Spanish Civil War!
B. Knifekitten does something else, maybe on a submarine or something!

Please note that most votes that are not for A will probably be ignored.

Really, I can't get enough of 'em. So I'm voting for "C: All of the Above".

I like Knifekitten, it would be cool if The Republicrats could get caught-up in a scandal called, "AfghanaScam" involving a Third World Tennis Shoe Factory, bootleg CD's, very hairy Asian girl porn, and a plot to corner the World Poppy Market by herding all of the dromedaries into a small corral in the nether regions of the Hindu Kush. Or something else wherein Knifekitten could somehow prevail against underwhelming odds.

A cunningly disguised Osama heads for the nearby jet engine. The plan is going well.

She was underwhelmed if that's a word / and no it's not cuz I looked it up.

Sing along, tamers of the tundra!

Showing off for the press, President Bush demonstrated to everyone just how he would toss the ol' hammer in college track and field. A stunned audience gasped and the Dick Cheney blamed it on Will Ferrel.

"An Associated Press photographer captured President George W. Bush and the First Dog 'Yorkie' pulling off a playful yet ultimately tragic practical joke on his wife and mother-in-law after arriving at Andrews Air Force Base. The First Lady's mother was rushed to Bethesda Medical Center with a re-fracture of her right hip after tripping over the leash, and Mrs. Bush banished the President to a month of sleeping on the couch and 'not getting any,' White House spokesman Ari Fleischer said yesterday."

Underwhelmed

It is a word; I looked it up.

Main Entry: un·der·whelm
Pronunciation: -'hwelm, -'welm
Function: transitive verb
Etymology: under + overwhelm
Date: 1949
: to fail to impress or stimulate

(But it's just *barely* a word.)

Dubya won the election by an underwhelming majority.

The above photo would look perfectly natural if the dog were replaced by a yo-yo. If I were a tiny bit more clever, I could make up a caption for the new yo-yo picture.

I am one of the best mimes of our generation.

The yo-yo is on the other end of the leash.

"This is the last time I buy a dog that only speaks Scottish!"

"An unidentified U.S. Marine grimaces and wriggles uncomfortably after receiving a massive wedgie from the President."

Bush's Dog-and-Poonie Show.

(That having been said, I grow increasingly impressed with how the leash looks like a red laser beam extending from Bush's middle finger. As Alptraum observed: SCHWWWZZZZUMMMMMM!!)

"The fools are completely under my power! First that fire hydrant ... then the world!!"

Based on Bush's posture, I'm tempted to have the dog saying: "Hold on boy, I know you've been holding it in all morning, just hold it a little longer!"

Bush is no less intelligent than any previous president. He's just more entertaining. A guiless presentation is he secret to drawing real laughs, and Bush has discovered it.
The president is a figure-head. We all know things are run by the Gnomes of Zurich.

re: "guileless presentation" it's just... i like my figureheads not to rub their vacant, puppetlike nature in my face, i find that insulting. i am apparently one of the few americans who didn't like that charming fellow forrest gump. now he's in charge. there should be more to being president than just being there.

Ford was as goofy as Dubya, and had the pluses of a funny voice and bumping his head on stuff.

i really should be going to class instead of making this

yeah, Ford was pretty funny. Funnier than Bush. I'm trying to think of a recent leader hwo hasn't rubbed his idiocies in our collective face. The most well-spoken candidate lost hands down to Shrub and Robot-boy, and I'm not talking about Captain Safety. If you want intellect, you can't vote for party candidates.

take a look at the pilot. Is that Saddam Hussein?

Being to other dog that survived the destruction of Krypton Super Scotty stops the presedent from being blown away in a strong gust of wind.

"My favorite is the velocity!"

Unfortunately, the leash connecting Bush to HIS handlers is not visible in this particular photograph. Funny that such a tiny dog could almost yank him off-balance. Why do such important and powerful people always have such prissy, whimpy dogs? Judging by this photo, though, a "real" dog would have probably torn Bush's arm from it's socket... so perhaps it's for the best.

"Come on lady"-- Scotty From Lady and the Tramp.
Lady is a dog, you figure out who the tramp is.

Dog uses mind powers to control president Bush's every step. Be at peace for our country is now being run by someone competent.