On Grace
and condescension
I've known for a while that the mindset that considers grace a virtue is still extant. I am not under any such misconception; I'm physically and socially fairly oafish and, while I have no interest whatsoever in the traditional sorts of lummoxery - watching football, performing manual labor to no useful end such as yard work, or smashing beer cans into my forehead - I don't have any desire to comport myself differently than I have been for as long as I can remember.
I do have a few pointers for those who would like to consider themselves graceful, though. Generally, when one over-analyzes any sort of behavior in an attempt to refine it, one forgets the simplest rules on which that behavior is based. The dictionary definitions that apply are "ease and suppleness of movement or bearing" and "the quality or state of being considerate or thoughtful". Some words are also said regarding a "sense of propriety". Now, the physical kind of grace is something I know very little of, and am willing to leave instruction in balance and smooth movement to those whose bones are not joined at odd angles by misshapen pinions, but since the Victorian days, the other definitions have been corrupted.
My main point is that there is a hefty difference between grace and non-confrontationalness. Non-confrontational criticism tends to be patronizing and is more likely to be taken personally than an emotional reaction. This can be illustrated by something that a friend of mine said while I was defying the laws (both physical ones and local ordinances) of city traffic. The error was the submission of "oh, pedestrians have the right of way" for "JESUS FUCK YOU ALMOST HIT THAT GUY!" The latter has a few simple responses, "GEEZ, SORRY" or "LET ME CONCENTRATE" that end the matter in a few seconds. The former, on the other hand, festers for a year or so and inspires me to write this article, and causes me to think "Who the hell do you think you are, anyway?" for a day or two.
The person concerned is a friend and one who I think is actually considerate, thoughtful, and maybe even possessed of a "sense of propriety". When artificial thoughtfulness - "yelling makes people angry, so I won't yell" - overrides its instinctive counterpart - "I almost died! A reaction is necessary, but nobody deserves to be talked down to" - everyone wastes time, the annoyed person doesn't get a satisfying outlet for their annoyance, and the annoying person never realizes the mistake, being too busy being offended by the snobbish response.
So I implore you, would-be paragons of virtue, shoot your mouth off and get it the fuck over with.
I do have a few pointers for those who would like to consider themselves graceful, though. Generally, when one over-analyzes any sort of behavior in an attempt to refine it, one forgets the simplest rules on which that behavior is based. The dictionary definitions that apply are "ease and suppleness of movement or bearing" and "the quality or state of being considerate or thoughtful". Some words are also said regarding a "sense of propriety". Now, the physical kind of grace is something I know very little of, and am willing to leave instruction in balance and smooth movement to those whose bones are not joined at odd angles by misshapen pinions, but since the Victorian days, the other definitions have been corrupted.
My main point is that there is a hefty difference between grace and non-confrontationalness. Non-confrontational criticism tends to be patronizing and is more likely to be taken personally than an emotional reaction. This can be illustrated by something that a friend of mine said while I was defying the laws (both physical ones and local ordinances) of city traffic. The error was the submission of "oh, pedestrians have the right of way" for "JESUS FUCK YOU ALMOST HIT THAT GUY!" The latter has a few simple responses, "GEEZ, SORRY" or "LET ME CONCENTRATE" that end the matter in a few seconds. The former, on the other hand, festers for a year or so and inspires me to write this article, and causes me to think "Who the hell do you think you are, anyway?" for a day or two.
The person concerned is a friend and one who I think is actually considerate, thoughtful, and maybe even possessed of a "sense of propriety". When artificial thoughtfulness - "yelling makes people angry, so I won't yell" - overrides its instinctive counterpart - "I almost died! A reaction is necessary, but nobody deserves to be talked down to" - everyone wastes time, the annoyed person doesn't get a satisfying outlet for their annoyance, and the annoying person never realizes the mistake, being too busy being offended by the snobbish response.
So I implore you, would-be paragons of virtue, shoot your mouth off and get it the fuck over with.