By: casey
[2002-05-24]
CANNED ATTITUDE
there hasn't been enough hate lately
"CAN'T SLEEP, CLOWNS WILL EAT ME." Have you seen the shirt which bears this phrase? I have seen it innumerable times over the course of my high school and post-school years. Seriously guys, it makes me want to fucking spew. What is going through the mind of the casual adolescent shopper that makes them purchase, and then wear, this shirt? "DUDE LOOK AT THIS SHIRT, IT'S TOTALLY GONNA FREAK OUT THE NORMALS!" or maybe "OH MAN I SAW ERIC WEARING THIS SHIRT THE OTHER DAY IT'S SO UNIQUE." I hate anyone who has ever worn this shirt or used it for anything other than an ass/jizz rag.
Since I am a disaffected, rebellious youth, (ps: not really) you may think I hate this shirt because it's a product of corporate thinking and so on blahblah. Not so! It is the end user that I exclusively hate. Someone who sees this sort of product at Hot Topic (because they are way too punk/freak/goth/ugly to shop at Old Navy. duh) and decides they will be the talk of their social circle for wearing it. Possibly by wearing it, they are sticking it to the man. Maybe they are being offbeat and turning the world on its head? Who can say?
I also hate people who put this kind of shit on their cars. Most common around these parts is the license plate frame reading "I WANT TO BE BARBIE. THAT BITCH HAS EVERYTHING!" I can't begin to say how much I hate this. So I will begin by saying that the only possible excuse for adorning one's car with such a bland, manufactured statement is that the owner actually wants to be reduced in size and turned into a plastic doll. Perhaps they do not realize that Barbie cannot derive any enjoyment from her possessions because she is inanimate. I do not think this is the case in general. I imagine that most of the people who have one of these imagine themselves as being a take-no-shit kind of woman who is known as a bitch and is proud of this. Also they probably get some kicks from swearing in public.
Finally, I would like to give a shout out to all those peeps who sport the plate frame that goes a little something like "IT'S RED, IT'S FAST, AND IT'S MINE." I have seen this most recently on a red Miata and a red new Beetle. This irks me because I can't stand the notion that someone with either of these cars thinks it is a cool car. The Miata is a fag car and is the poor man's BMW Z3. And I just plain hate the new Beetle. It doesn't help matters that neither of these cars is particularly fast. ARE YOU FUCKING PLEASED WITH YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU ARE DRIVING SUCH A STUPID STUPID CAR THAT MAKES ME CRINGE EVERY TIME I SEE IT?
I hate you all.
i am with you on this. there is nothing worse than this overuse of clowns as a frightening or edgy thing. a more radical t-shirt would just say "i like clowns"... WHOA edgy.
makeup on men in general as "scary" pisses me off. it's not scary, it's just sad. like a mime is. upsetting and pathetic, but not scary. this is why i detest nearly every rock or rap group which has ever come from Detroit. psycho circus my ass, you geriatric twats
The clown responsible for the coining of the phrase, if I remember correctly, wasn't a juggalo, or part of a bad KISS comic. The clown in question was the bed Homer makes for Bart in the episode of "The Simpsons" where they flash back to Lisa's birth.
What it boils down to is this:
Funny line in an innovative TV show gets co-opted by a bunch of half-bright high school and college kids. Some entrepreneur hears it said enough to recognize its viability as a meme. The slogan goes up for sale on garments in the stores of the edgier mass-culture vendors, and the whole world is inundated with the rapidly diminishing humor in the phrase as worn by chubby proto-goths and sniggering frat boys alike. Look at us! We are allies with "The Simpsons!" They rock! No, really. Look at us.
A while ago, they sold a shirt that said in fuzzy letters "I'm not as think as you drunk I am". This was tremendously popular; it spread from the chintzy boardwalk vendors in Wildwood selling crap to vacationers (people go on vacation in NJ, yes, I recommend it) to the mall kiosks and Spencer's Gifts. Every retarded party animal between the ages of 13 and 29 had one. My idea was a shirt that said "You're not as think as you cool you are". Sadly, now that we have the magic of cafepress, the shirt has returned to the depths that spawned it.
Once there's more than about two of a T-shirt it ceases to be amusing. There aren't that many disaffected intellectuals that you can believe the T-shirts are all worn by them.
I should get a T-Shirt of a clown driving a tiny red Miata?
Barbie getting boffed by a clown?
Damn, you need to chill out on that hate shit. You're one sensitive fuckin guy.
i just read this book "Lucky Jim" by kingsley amis. as you could probably tell just from the author's snooty ass name it's british and a little dated (early 50s) but it's about a young university professor who basically wants to strangle everyone around him for being such imbeciles. it's one of the funniest books i've ever read.
I've not read any of his stuff that I remember, but I still chortle and yuk about a review of his work that I read wherein he was described as a "literary bad boy." I assume that he either stabs people in the neck with his pen in a fit of pique, or that he dangles participles for the joy of it, or perhaps that he intentionally annoys his publisher. He may be a multiple offender, choosing to spread his talents around.
I can't believe you guys are falling for this. "casey" is actually a marketing executive for Abercrombie & Fitch. He's trying to get the next hot T-shirt idea from you guys. Damn, Jacques may have already given it away....
I have a couple but he's not getting them (see earlier comment). wrt Lucky Jim; Well yes, that's what it's famous for. Being an illiterate I prefer Raymond Briggs.
Going back to alptraum's assertion that men in makeup are not scary, I take exception. Dennis Hopper, in "Blue Velvet," was an absolutely frightening and disturbing visage when he smeared lipstick on his "fucker"-spewing mouth. Creepy.
Of course, by dunc's reasoning, since more than one person saw that movie, it ceases to be scary/original/relevant.
I only have one clever shirt (from Hot Topic), and I've only seen it worn by one other person, who was not scrawny nor pale, and therefore was most certainly not dug by chicks. All my other t-shirts I either make myself (one
Simpsons meme so far, "Pray For Mojo"), or get at Value Village--UNTIL IT BURNED TO THE FUCKING GROUND LAST WEEK.
http://www.langleytimes.com/story93048.html
Guess it's Abercrombie for me.
I've seen the "chicks dig scrawny pale guys" shirt everywhere and I hate that too. "pray for mojo" on the other hand, that would be neat.
so what does the one hot topic shirt you own say? also how can kingsley amis be a bad BOY when he is really old and quite possibly dead? if being a drunk and terrorizing your children makes you a bad boy, then certain hillbillies I know are getting some really undeserved bad press.
cafépress shirts are the most terrible things ever. just to get one to canada it ends up being something like fifty bucks for a poorly cut white shirt with a shoddily printed image on the front. I've been thinking of silkscreening my own shirts lately, but i'd avoid the whole WACKY SAYINGS deal and cut straight to the logos designed by japanese design houses like astro-graphica or maniackers. i didn't know that vancouver had hot topics, victoria thankfully doesn't (to my knowledge), and was that the value village that's sort of on the way into vancouver from the ferries? or am i thinking of the library? which may or may not be near it? the only WACKY shirt i have is one i got at the value village here that has SPUNKY embroidered onto it very nicely, high quality shirt, japanese.
at the value village in victoria I acquired a jersey for the "strawberry hill stingers." it is one of my favorite shirts because I like bees and there is a picture of a fightin bee on it.
But I gotta step up and defend the Miata. I own one, and I stopped being faggy a long time ago. Yeah, it's cheap, but it has perfect balance and it's easy to drive hard. It's simple to work on and a breeze to add power to. I enjoy driving, so I own a Miata. As for it being a poor man's Z3, I'll agree. I'm poor and I'm a man. I had no desire to own a Z3, though, and most of the automotive press stopped being impressed with the Z3 as soon as they got behind the wheel.
I never owned a car that had flashy motherfucking stickers or stupid kanji written on the side, and I gladly exult in a shared hatred of such things with you. In particular those who feel that the more bumper stickers they add, the more individual they are, stopped amusing me and began to piss me off a long time ago. The only cars I've seen that exude individuality and real attitude are those like Annna's, which are rolling works of art. My car isn't an extension of my individuality; I've got other outlets for that. It's just fun to drive.
I really don't give a flying fuck what you think of me, no offense intended, truly. I don't give a flying fuck what anybody thinks of me, with very few exceptions. I just don't understand the association of the Miata with being effeminate. I'm not interested in defending my masculinity; I'm secure enough in it that I can drive a Miata knowing that shitheads in trucks think I'm queer. I'm just a guy who enjoys driving, and the Miata delivers, because it is everything I looked for in a car: a lightweight, rear-wheel drive convertible that corners like it's on rails but still enables you to swing out the rear when you punch it. Anyone who doesn't like driving something like that is one of the motherfucking commuter droids that sop up minivans and SUV's, and I have no time for them. Shit, some Miata drivers are those people, and they suck just as completely. Probably, your "it's red, it's fast" jackass was one of the latter.
See? I've got hate, too. But I'll say this: I say a license plate holder which captured the thingsihate aesthetic well. I saw it on one car, only one, several times driving to work, and I am not sure it was not unique. It said, in letters barely large enough to read when directly behind it:
too close for missiles
SWITCHING TO GUNS
crx is the real man's small car. TAKE THAT
My review of the Miata, which I've driven: ARE THESE PEDALS OR ARE THEY KNIVES?
The CRX spawned the riceboy movement. I need not say more.
It seems like anymore if you want rear wheel drive and a stick shift you're stuck with either a truck, an effete roadster, or a stupid-looking cock on wheels (Camaro/Firebird, Mustang, Viper, Corvette, etc). This, in addition to my insurance surcharges due to all those cars I hit, is why I have given up on the driving.
It was Martin Amis of whom I'd read about the literary bad boyishness. I worked with a guy who'd had his Miata on the Autobahn, and he said that for really fast, he wants a heavier car, but that was his only criticism of that car. I had a 1959 MGA with wire wheels, it handled very well, although the newer MG's were much faster. It was OK for a four cylinder, and a good car to learn about cars, and I liked the knock-off hubs on the wire wheels.
I usually wore my orange fright wig and the red nose when I drove the MG.
Well, sally, as casey deduced, my Hot Topic shirt says "Chicks Dig Scrawny Pale Guys". And Vancouver doesn't have a Hot Topic, I went to the one in Bellingham, so many years ago. For HT-type stuff, Vancity has Cheap Thrills. We also had The Underground, which closed during the bus strike, when all the rich North Van candy ravers were unable to frequent it. They will have to get their orange wigs and red noses elswhere.
I can see martin amis being a literary bad boy except that he was quoted not once BUT TWICE by helen fielding in bridget jones diary. LITERARY BAD BOY NOW READ BY FRUMPY BRIT HOUSEWIVES FILM AT ELEVEN.
ps I DONT CARE WHAT YOU THINK OF ME SO I WILL USE CUSS WORDS LIKE A BAD BOY AND DEFEND MY CAR UP AND DOWN THIS HERE MESSAGE BOARD OH GOD LOVE ME OR I DIE
I think that bras for cars are kind of funny; so, maybe they can make push-up bras for cars, and also T-Shirts. They could have a T-Shirt for a Miata that says: "My other driver is a skinny White guy." You might like Martin Amis' piece
Rough Trade, Lordie knows, when I think of rough trade, I always think of frumpy Brit hausfraus. A cup o' char, ginger wine, an English muffin, and p'raps a jam tart.
I don't give a flyin' fook if yers luvs me or not, it's jes' thet I gots to dance a certain kind of dance or these botards plonk me!
dude you should market that, all those gay punk wanna be raver fucking assholes i hate them
they try to be freaks but that dont know the meaning of it those gay fags(no offense to gay fags)
man i hate them so much
dieeeeeeeeeeeee
I lived in Kitsilano, I don't remember that I went to the North Shore much, I liked to go to Gastown a lot. I got a second place kind of between Gastown and Chinatown. Stanley Park was nice. I liked Nanaimo, and Galiano Island. All of the chicks there sleep in t-shirts with catchy slogans emblazend on them. I like the Canadian liquor stores, they had lots of Demerera rum, one whole wall; light, medium&dark; underproof, proof, and overproof. Dark overproof Demerera is a worthy pirate grog.
...i hate when you download a great heavy song from kazaa or one of those other music steal...sharing programs and you are enjoying the song they you see how some idiot clasifies the song/band as pop!
ahhh do people intentionally try and piss me off?
Yes
I wear make up for the same reason I assume most girls do:I'm ugly. and yes I'll admitt that I need practice with mascara.
I think the quote is from an Alice Cooper song; Corrections?
...and my shirt for freaking normals with is a quite simple "I hate the living" Which was caused by the living patronizing me when I was a ghoal. Bastards
"I hate the living" is the same fucking thing as "I'm not prejudiced. I hate everyone." God damn you guys wear some stupid ass shit.
To gross people out, my t-shirt with the cigarette burn holes, pizza stains, and beer aroma works well at close range. I think that it's the anchovies that do the trick.
Most of my shirts are somehow related to metal or industrial bands, which I agree is kind of lame but I have yet to find an alternative that's less lame.
ATARI!!!!!!
As opposed to Casey, that dear, kind, generous, more-in-anger-than-in-sorrow example of all that is noble in a human being.
Anyhow that?s not my stupid-ass shit. My stupid ass-shit is the pixie-cut chainmail micro-skirt. If your going to mock me, at least point at the really, really stupid things. :)
What do you think of those God awful Princess, Angel, 0% angel shirts? I think that they are just a bunch of crap for bitchy girls.
i saw a plate frame that said "If you don't like my driving, Stay off the sidewalk" i smiled. another one that makes me blush is "If you're going to ride my ass, at least pull my hair" the best plate frame, is no plate frame
At least I can thank the gods you don't dislike the clown shirt because you or it are a product of corporate thinking. You just hate it because you have seen it many times before... Yeah, you scare me. I should congrat you one making sure you used the word fag as an insult though. Never seen that done before.
*kiss kiss*
y do u have a problem wit t-shirts? or goths? or punks? i am a goth. my friends r punks. u probably would considerme freaky/ugly if u saw me. DO U HAV A PROBLEM???
*i am terribly sorry that u find these t-shirts sooo upseting*(HINT: im being sarky) i hav a t-shirt dat sez 'barbie's a slut' by cindy. i brought it coz it woz funy and coz it pisses my parents off.
please leave us goth/punk/freak/ugly people alone and go back to ur depressed little world. i think i am going to go out and by 1 of those red beetles just 2 piss u off. ill find where u liv and park outside ur house (i mean nut house).
i realy think u shud consider counselling. R u unemployed?? hav u bin dropped on ur head as a baby? R u wearing a straight jacket and typed that msg wot ur tunge?
please shut up and consider emigrating 2 uganda where no1 will giv a fuck wot u say. hav a nice day
*waves middle finger while walking backwards*
These slogan shirts are popular with all kinds of idiots. I've seen as many frat boys wearing them as goths, mall rats, and other baggy-pantsed clods. Casey's problem is with fake attitude, especially if it's mass-produced, as is evident in the fucking title, for Christ's sake.
I completely agree with the ranting over the "Oo look i'm a witty freak" shirts. One of those that boggles my mind is one that says something akin to "Mental Ward" and then the 'serial number' 24-7-666. I want to wrench my eyeballs out of their sockets when I see this atrocity. O NO THERE ARE A BUNCH OF CLONES OF THE SAME GUY ESCAPED FROM THE SAME MENTAL INSTITUTION AND HE'S VERY INTELLIGENT FOR WEARING A BRIGHT ORANGE SHIRT DESCRIBING FROM EXACTLY WHERE HE ESCAPED. Also, man, this guy must be *evil-crazy*! And he doesn't quit! I mean, it doesn't say 20-7-666, does it? He's like this *all the time*!
I despise "Angel," "Brat," "Cutie" etc. t-shirts as well. This is mainly because I hate most girls and I hate attempts to be cute/funny on the part of females even more. I have trouble not confronting these girls. I saw a girl wearing pants with "Spoiled" written on the ass. I blurted, "Oh, a spoiled ass!" very loudly and kept walking. See? I'm not even coherent around these imbeciles and yet I manage to offend.
I do sometimes make my own "logo" t-shirts. One was an old pit-stained undershirt on which I wrote "Amber [then crossed it out] Abercrombie and Fitch" in Sharpie pen. I insisted that I got it for $30 dollars at the store. Also, I made one that said "I escaped the clutches of organized religion and all I got was this lousy t-shirt." Which was amusing for a while, until I realized that no one has escaped the clutches of organized religion, be they atheist, agnostic, or seventh day adventist. Oh well. Now I don't wear any logo/slogan t-shirts. I don't like to pay to advertise for others.
Let me also say that Casey's first paragraph managed to convey the train of thought I experience when witnessing these abhorred articles of clothing perfectly and hilariously. Thank you.
P.S. I know that I am "new" here. However, I have read about thirty items back by now and feel comfortable commenting on one that no one will see! Yay.
You rock.
oh my......u r making fun of hot topic and u work at.....abrcrombie and fitch o my god and i heard ur doing this jus o get an idea to put on a shirt? u r so freakin stupid....omg i hope thode clowns kill u and then put u in the trunk of ther miata and drag u to the lake to eat u.............hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehhehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehhehehehehehehehehehehehehehehhehehheehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehhehhehhehehehehehehehehehehehehhehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehhehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehhehehehhehehehehehhehehehehehehehhehehehehehehhehehhehehehehehhehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe.....me
You stupid piece of shit! you think you're cool with your counter culture spew. You are just another tool of the counter culture whatever. I vomit on you...blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
Oh to be 18 again
