By: Ruff Ryder [2002-07-19]

Another Secret Admirer

And he needs your help!

Hello,

I was browsing the web with the subject 'secret admirer' and came up across the thingsihate website. I would like your opinion on a situation I'm about to partake in. It might be freaky, but I'd at least like to get a feel on what your thoughts may be. I work at
this school as a janitor (cleaning the floors) and am 19. Since September of 2001, I've noticed (and had a crush on) this girl that works in aftercare. She is around 19-21 from a few people that I've asked. I've seen her around on a few occasions. Initially, she'd say hello (just being friendly) and then when I'd see her walking by at times, I'd say hi to her. Basically nothing really went on. I'm really shy to approach her. One time I spoke to her albeit briefly (asking if she went to my college cause I saw her car there). But, I had the opportunity to be in the cafeteria where she was, and she had to put something away near to me, so I spoke, though she had to go back to the far end, and she was speaking with someone else (girl).

Sorry for the long winded intro. I was contemplating on sending her an email professing to her that she has a secret admirer and that I'd like her to describe to me any guys she may like. The problem is that I know her name, and I never even asked her! I heard a kid say it before, but I also saw it written on a sheet of paper in the faculty room (a room in which I buff the floor as well) asking that if anyone is interested in ordering from a Pampered Chef catalogue, to see her about placing an order. I obtained her email address because I saw her email in the school directory online.

Now, if I told her how I found out her info to send her a letter (if she describes me, I hope!) do you think she'd be freaked (well, that's probably a given) and/or at least flattered by my professing my
feelings in this manner? How would you react? I'm basically shy to actually approach her (unless no one else is around) and feel much more comfortable in this approach because I would not want to embarass myself. By the time you read this, school will be over, so the email will be the only means of talking to her.

Any advice appreciated.
Thanks!

EDITOR'S NOTE: This email is originally from June 14th, but any suggestions you provide will either be seen in the comments by the author (if he's still reading) or, if we see no indication that he is, emailed to him by the editors. His email address is not listed, since this was not submitted as an article.
Generally [2002-07-19 00:34:29] Jacques Kitsch
Don't get your meat where you get your bread and butter.
there are other mops in the broom closet [2002-07-19 01:22:34] alptraum
she's not worth all this fretting and stalking, my friend. just wring out your love sponge and move on
On the other hand... [2002-07-19 04:48:25] Jacques Kitsch
Just straight off ask her if she's feeling randy. Well, maybe not. But faint heart never won fair etc.. Yesterday, a girl had a frozen sports bottle of water; she couldn't get the top open with her fingers, so she put it between her legs and grasped the spout with her teeth while holding the iced bottle with both hands. The bottle shot in her mouth, she laughed, and grinned, and wiped off her chin, and gave me a knowing smile. She said to come back Saturday; maybe she'll do it again. You never know, but it seems that some women require a lot of ice water.
Forget it [2002-07-19 07:00:41] sandy
1. She will never confess to a stranger which, if any, boy she is attracted to.
2. Even if you e-mail her directly asking her to go to the movies or whatever it will freak her out because a) she barely knows you and b) YOU ARE ASKING HER OUT OVER EMAIL which is weird and creepy and wimpy.
My suggestion is you wait until school starts again and try to get to know her better and then ask her out on a very innocent date.
As a Janitor... [2002-07-19 07:03:55] Jacques Kitsch
Tell her, "I've got a broomhandle!" Maybe she'll let you use her mop bucket!
ice [2002-07-19 07:53:25] posthumous
sandy's right. I suggest you get contact info for that girl with the water bottle.
Jaques [2002-07-19 09:51:30] Halcyon
Yes, sorry jaques.. but I have a hard time believing that you've ever recieved any kind of knowing smile except perhaps for the "yes, they ARE sexy pre-schoolers, aren't they?" variety.
Feh! [2002-07-19 13:45:45] Jacques Kitsch
At least the goat winked at me!
Definitions [2002-07-19 14:30:19] Oscccar
Let's not forget that there's a fine line between "secret admirer" and "stalker." Self-examination is needed here. The last thing you need is another restraining order.
Van Gogh [2002-07-19 17:53:55] Jacques Kitsch
Cut your ear off and send it to her.
pppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp [2002-07-19 22:57:22] casey
I dunno man. In my experience, the only thing that brings the ladies is confidence.
email [2002-07-20 00:07:27] jana
and let's not forget that it's easier to turn someone down via email too. i mean, it's easier to ask them out when it's not to their face, but it's also easier for them to say no when it's not to your face.
Taxidermy [2002-07-20 02:29:22] Jacques Kitsch
Take her to a taxidermist and have her stuffed; that way she'll always be yours!
This new Chili Pepper's album is good, in a mellow way [2002-07-20 05:24:32] Vicarious
Sfffff...

Well.

I agree with Jacques on this one, with the whole "bread butter meat getting" thing. I am sure this would be one of those doomed romances, where the spurned partner ends up with a bottle of cheap drain-o vodka, a handgun, and mournful feelings.

I could be wrong though. I frequently am.

Failing all of these handy tips, simply ask her in a loud commanding voice if she likes geese.
Casey [2002-07-20 13:10:29] Jonas
Do you listen to Tenacious D?
The D! [2002-07-20 13:30:29] Jacques Kitsch
The D!
summer fun squirt gun [2002-07-20 14:25:47] casey
the d are all right, I guess. I heard their cd when it came out and saw them live three times when they opened for weezer.
casey [2002-07-20 18:09:43] staniel
Always with the Weezer.
This is very simple. [2002-07-20 18:53:39] Creeper
The next time you see her, casually mention how you always wanted to order something from the Pampered Chef catalog but have never had a Pampered Chef catalog to order with. Upon hearing this, she will exclaim "Pampered Chef?! I love the Pampered Chef catalog! In fact I asked if anyone wanted to order anything from there but noone did because they are all stupid jerks and only smart and cool people want to order from the Pampered Chef catalog!" Then you two will look through the catalog together and pick out things to buy and eventually get married.

Yay!
office [2002-07-20 20:51:36] sally
what is it with office hags and goddammed pampered chef???
I HAVE A SECRET ADMIRER [2002-07-21 21:02:07] reader
I DONT KNOW WHO IT IS I THINK ITS A GIRL
Forget the 'Secret Admirer' thing... [2002-08-24 13:18:34] Julie
(comments from a girl who's been on the other side)
First off, just because this girl is friendly to you does not automatically mean she's interested in something more. I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I do want you not to hang your romantic notions on someone being friendly. Second, do not do the 'secret admirer' thing. Contrary to what the movies would have you believe, in the adult world the secret admirer is either someone you'd never date, ie socially inept, wrong gender, a stalker or a joke, ie an ex-boyfriend looking for kicks ect... Forget asking what her type is: you either are or you are not. If you currently have not taken a good look in the mirror (both figuritively and literally- guys watch that nose hair, '80s hair/clothes and teeth problems) and decided that yes this is who I want to be, then start there. If she did tell you what she likes, and your not it, you'd just be guessing how to be anyway.
Okay, so you've gotten this far and are comfortable with yourself. Your only real in seems to be the Pampered Chef thing. If her email was in a normal public place, then you can use it. If you really did have to 'creep around' to find it, then you need another way to contact her. Drop her an email *short and casual* along the lines of, I remembered seeing your catalog up and my mother/aunt ect... likes to cook and has a birthday/anniversary ect... coming up and I was wondering if you had any suggestions, then Thanks, your name. You can leave your phone number (1 regular home number, not your cell, pager ect... you'll look desperate)under your name.
If you have some doubts as to whether or not she'll remember by just your name, then start the email with: Hi, (don't put her name since that could be creepy) I worked at 'x' last year and got your email from the school directory.
If she calls or emails you back then go from there. I would recommend having at least three topics of conversation at the ready. Make one a local event that everyone talks about: college sports, high school teams, whatever... that way if you hit it off mention going there sometimes. The others can be generic: weather, national events, ect... and of course something related to Pampered Chef is always good: how long have you been doing it, what kind of cooking are you into ect... and then just go with with it and ask casual questions about what she says. Everyone likes to talk about themselves.
Anyway, that's my advice for what it's worth.
Julie
secret admirer [2003-12-07 20:40:00] rue21
I find myself in the same partdicument. I haven't found an e-mail but have figured a way to leave mine on a holiday card and anonymous gift in hopes I' ll be wrote back, then perhaps it would be as , 'you've got mail". maybe it's a long shot and will go down the drain but, I can only hope something nice will come out of it , good luck to you!
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