How Insane People Get Here, Part VII

Basically, if you're not familiar with the series, what happens is this: we have a lot of tangential discussions in the comments on our articles, and search engines can usually find any combination of words they like within them. Most people don't use the "advanced search" function, so our referrer logs are full of insanity. Annna wrote the first article in this series, in fact the first three. I've taken over since then, for better or for worse.

destiny+cable+wowow

Wow! WOWOW!

Little+Bird+Hoagies

This is a song 'bout the White Hen Decapitator!

Argentine+military+rectum+torture

For when the Chinese Water Torture just doesn't do it any more.

radio+shack+employee+horror+stories

Rare are the searches that end successfully here. Enjoy!

Monologues+for+teenage+girls

We get a fair number of hits for this. Subject is never specified. Typical of teenage girls, I guess.

bullied+by+another+made+me+wet+my+pants

Man, I hear that. Also: loud noises, ponies at birthday parties, and multiplication tables.

"three+squirt+dog"
wino+disguise

If only the King of Prussia were here to see how the searchers flock to him.

ask+jeeves+for+gay+men+sex+hard+pictures

This was a Google search.

soviet+anthem+parody

Apparently there was a Polish drinking song along these lines in the '70s.

monkey+alcohol+clipart

All central themes of this website. Welcome!

Huge+cocks+and+tiny+hands

That must present difficulties of a sensitive nature.

hwo+do+i+make+my+dicks+big

I'd just strap them all together and pretend it's a single big one. Also, I am told that women find correct spelling alluring, so if you work on that you might be able to get past the numerous, tiny dicks problem.

patriotic+paper+bag+hats

Made from patriotic paper bags.

Biography+of+Negative+Cutter+Mo+Henry

This should make Annna happy.

fingerless+boxing+gloves+for+women

Try "foxy+boxing+gloves".

robert+anton+wilson+idiotic

You won't find any arguments here.

"nigga+why+you+took+a+shit"

I hope that this phrase will be the next "All Your Base" and the entire internet will grow to loathe me. Moreso.

pictures+of+lots+of+women+holding+a+penis

Lots of women at once? I can't help but associate this with a famous picture of an anaconda and the men who hunted it.

gay+car+license+plate+frame

Like this one? Buy Achewood books!

Himmler+based+the+Waffen+SS+uniform+on+that+of+the
+New+Jersey+state+police

So I've heard, but I've yet to see any actual recorded evidence of this.

classical+music+used+in+pork+the+other+white+meat
+commercial

Since adcritic.com's not giving it away for free these days, I can do nothing but wish you good luck.

old+tubas

Do they not make tubas like they used to, or is there just something magical about a well-burnished, spittle-lined leviathan brass instrument?

bat+infestation
pepsi+logo+moon

More Annna-related stuff.

kids+shert

What happened to Riff, anyway? This is for one of his comments.

i+woke+up+with+the+sniffles+sneezing

This could be the first line of some heavily alliterative verse. I woke up with the sniffles, sneezing/Coughing, choking, hacking, wheezing...

Medford+Oregon+shithole

I could have sworn Sean was referring to Ashland when he said that. New Jersey also has a Medford and an Ashland. They are also shitholes, though Medford is kind of a quarter-million-dollar tract house type of shithole.

winchester+sauna+erotic

Any old place is erotic if you bring your Winchester.

Fuck+you+sayings+on+T-shirts
attitude+bumper+stickers+and+shirts

Casey would seem to not be alone in his hatred.

seizures+on+liquid+oxygen

Wait, wouldn't liquid oxygen freeze you, rather than causing you to pitch a fit? I totally don't recommend this.

downloading+pirate+terry+pratchett+books

Now that's just sad.

women+in+hazmat+suit

How could you tell it's not a man or a monkey or something in there?

download+free+xmas+lights

That's not going to work.

clean+pictures+of+people+having+sex
testicles+clinging+from+rocks

Oh, kids these days.