By: Ben [2002-07-31]

Plague Cart

what did we learn from our little adventure?

This is the story as I remember it. Though there's plenty of conflict, it's all repressed, and there's no discernible drama. Please don't be disappointed when there's an abrupt transition from exposition directly to denouement.

In 1991 my daughters, Anna and Matie, turned eleven and eight and were active members of a local Girl Scout troop. Active meaning that they went to meetings and glued macaroni onto things, not that they rubbed sticks together and learned jungle survival for being shot down in 'Nam.

[Much like 'Nam, you weren't there, man. Although the Girl Scouts are a bunch of pussies and most of their badges have to do with relationships and socialization, they still have a few badges about orienteering and burning and stabbing. All of which I have. I taught fire and knife safety at camp, as well as taking every opportunity to set things on fire in a nonofficial capacity.

We were in the cranky loner troop-in-name-only. Our troop crest, after there weren't enough votes for "unicorn," was an Annna-designed hand holding a torch. We told them it stood for Leadership, but it really just stood for fire. The other thing we liked was flag ceremonies. With the fire and the ceremony complete uniforms, if we'd had a few more people we'd have gladly reenacted Triumph of the Will. In short: fascism, fire, book-perfect uniforms and cookies; that's what Scouting meant to me.

Also, Matie was in a different troop, being three years younger. She came in as a Brownie while I was a Junior.- ed.]

As Scouts they were obliged to drag their sorry asses down Main Street of Medford, Oregon every year for our local spring festival parade. When I heard that the theme for the Pear Blossom Festival that year was to be "Best-Loved Fairy Tales," I'm sorry, I really can't help it, but only one thing came to mind. No, not pixies and fairies and beautiful princesses, but the Bring Out Your Dead scene from the beginning of Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

So my vision was that we would parade down Main Street with our adorable Scouts doing Ring Around the Rosy (the nursery rhyme is about the bubonic plague, but you knew that didn't you?), then load them into a death cart while shouting, "Bring out your dead!" The crowd would love it. People would applaud our erudition, vision and originality in simultaneously bringing to life scenes from the Middle Ages and a classic 1970s film. Okay, I didn't really think everyone would appreciate it, but I hoped at least someone would.

We made our preparations. We'd need a death cart. Anna, Matie and I went to the woods and killed many young trees, brought them home, peeled them and stuck them together with lag screws. We wrapped twine around where the members crossed for that coveted medieval effect. Giant wire spool ends would serve splendidly as wheels. (And if you're taking notes here, note that you should use two spool ends for each wheel, lest your wheels wobble violently, as ours did.) I bent steel into a giant triangle--what's the use of bellowing "Bring our your dead!" if you don't have anything to whack afterwards? I scoured Goodwill for costume possibilities. Shelley washed burlap bag dresses many times with enormous quantities of fabric softener.

[The Girl Scout connection was a little more important than Pop realizes. Anyone wishing to march or have a float in the parade had to present it to the organizers beforehand. Everyone, that is, except the Girl Scouts; all of Winema Council was automatically approved on the assumption that the Scouts' administration would have already made sure nothing was offensive or problematic. Luckily, they did not even think to do that. - ed.]

Come the morning of parade day we joined the rest of the Girl Scouts from the local council at the assembly area. There were quantities of assorted generic fairies, pixies and princesses. They seemed to be gradually edging away from our little group, and not making a lot of eye contact. We busied ourselves dressing our particular pixies in the burlap and rags we'd brought, rubbing them down with salad oil and peat moss, and painting huge dark circles around their eyes. A little rehearsal and we hung the "Plague" banner on the cart and we were off.

Now when we first moved to this area the Pear Blossom Parade was still pretty neat. It was a small-town festival; it was all about agriculture, logging and kids. The festival King and Queen every year were five years old; dirty old tractors would pull passels of kids on decorated farm carts; kids would ride their horses or lead their livestock down Main; orchardists and loggers would show off their shiny new equipment. There were lots of kids in huge papier-mache pears, lots of kids dressed as Douglas firs.

By 1991, though, it was still a small-town festival, but a small town that suddenly decided it was a big town. Tractors and equipment were banned; livestock had to be followed by a pooper-scooper. Anything aspiring to the name of "float" had to have a completely enclosed power source--no more towing a vehicle with an unsightly--ugh--tractor. This meant that there were a total of three floats in the mile-long parade, and damned few animals.

The 1991 Pear Blossom Festival parade did have a death cart, though. We loaded our eight-year-olds into the cart and hauled away. Periodically they'd leap out, Ring Around the Rosy, then collapse in grotesque attitudes of death, tongues out. These little kids were really into it. Then we'd pick them up or drag them back to the cart as their limbs flopped and dangled realistically. All the while Anna ranged ahead, ringing the triangle and calling "Bring out your dead!"

The crowd wasn't quite as into it as we were, though. We were greeted with a lot of silence, some booing, and even a "Shame!" And we hadn't calculated that while we were Ring Around the Rosying and dragging, the rest of the parade in front of us would be rapidly receding in the distance. [That's why I'm not in the pictures; I'm half a block ahead, screaming at the top of my lungs. - ed.] A couple of people did shout, "They're not quite dead yet!"--which helped keep me going, at least.

Later I overheard someone discussing "that Ashland group" (Ashland is the local hippie college town) that was protesting the Gulf War and the starving Kurds in Iraq.

So what did we learn from our little adventure? Not a damned thing. The same can't be said for the Girl Scouts and the Pear Blossom organizing committee, though, which have both instituted procedural safeguards against a repeat performance. Okay, I guess we did learn something--

Moral: If you find a loophole, exploit it.

Archival Image #1

Archival Image #2
Note an eight-year-old Matie on the right, with her back to the camera.

Archival Image #3

Archival Image #4

Archival Image #5
The Zapruder color photo.

Archival Image #6
Blowup of the horrified bystanders.

Well [2002-07-31 01:22:33] Jonas

That's one of the greatest things I've ever heard.

[2002-07-31 01:32:47]

When I grow up I want to be able to do things like hat, those pictures of the kids with black eyes and sack cloth clothes are great. You know the most ironic thing about this is, when in 10 years we all die of the bubonic plague you'll be able to say I told you so.

The best I ever managed in the scouts was a re-enactment of the whole spanish armada thing. I can't remember if I was drake or not but either way I'm quite sure I was playing bowls whilst the spanish fleet approached, I also remember throwing lots of screwed up pieces of paper at the spanish.

Never one to downplay my acting abilitys I was also the innkeeper in an infants school play (that one about a baby and a donkey or something), I remember my lines even now. "No room!", I played a coffin bearer in some other play I can't for the life of me imagine what that was, and I was once a goblin (I had to dance around singing "Goblins green skip in a ring" however due to an unfortunate miscommunication I ended up singing "Gobble and squeek skip in a ring"), and uhh a wood elf as well (I got to wear a green tunic and tights, Mmmmmm). I might have been a tree as well but that just might be my memorys getting confused with stuff I've seen on tv.

Fairy tales [2002-07-31 05:13:57] sandy

It says a lot about someone when their favorite fairy tale has to do with the bubonic plague. I'm sure the other parents were very happy to see their little girls scooping up dead bodies off the street.

[2002-07-31 07:19:43] Gadreel

Why wouldn't they? Kids today need to learn a trade and KEEP OFF THE WELFARE SYSTEM!

The Cart [2002-07-31 07:48:49] Jacques Kitsch

The cart was very well-made, the wheels were fascinating. It's funny that when people don't get something that they usually force closure and project something else like starving Kurds, but I understand that people are uncomfortable with lack of closure and rather than just saying "I don't get it," they'll project something erroneous. I would have thought that being in Oregon, most people would have gotten the Monty Python part. I bet that if you guys had done the Python parrot in the pet shop bit, it would have drawn the wrath of PETA or budgie lovers. Also, there seems to be a big taboo around talking about death. It's sort of like sex, although less pleasant; it's something that we all face, and all have to experience at some time, but nobody discusses it in a forthright manner. I wonder if the Death Cart would have gotten more laughs if it'd had a banner on it proclaiming: "Sponsored by Harold Bros. Mortuary" --At least some might have applauded the Plague Cart as a health awareness theme. Also, I would have demanded a merit badge with a skull on it.

guts 'n glory [2002-07-31 08:16:28] apierion

...you my friend, have guts, and deserve to be congradulated. Very few people would have the will to not only begin such an endevour, but to follow through with it, even through the mockery. I'm amazed you found 6 other little girls who weren't traumatized when they found out they weren't going to be dressing up like fairy princesses, though, how'd you pull that off?

The part that I find most interesting is that Oregon is, much like the Great Northeast, is supposed to be pretty forward thinking compared to the rest of the country. I've been spending the summer in Indiana and judging from my experiences with the people out here, would think that if you DID manage to pull off something like that out here, they'd lynch you afterwards.

the only thing i remember fondly about scouts.... [2002-07-31 09:02:08] tbren

was going to a lookout tower that was set on a hill. We rolled down the hill over and over until the entire troupe was puking up cheesy curls and eggsalad sandwiches.

Bread and Puppet Theater [2002-07-31 09:17:25] Jacques Kitsch

Over the years, I worked with the Bread&Puppet Theater on several occasions, maybe a little more than a year total time. Street theater get mixed results sometimes. Usually, the bigger the puppets and the more noise generated, the more stunned the crowd. Sometimes, a lot of colorful banners and marching music confuses people because they can't figure out what it's about.

plague [2002-07-31 17:42:50] Sean

I thought that was just an urban legend, about ring around the rosie being about the plague

Nursery Rhymes [2002-07-31 21:55:06] Jacques Kitsch

I think that a lot of the nursery rhymes were political or social commentary. Posies were supposed to ward off the plague. Here comes a candle to light you to bed, here comes the chopper to chop off your head. London Bridge. Mary, Mary, quite contrary. Hump the Dump. The grand old Duke of York, he had ten thousand men. Solomon Grundy slept late on a Sunday. Martin Buber ate a tuber. Higgledy piggledy, my black hen, she lays eggs for gentlemen, sometimes nine and sometimes ten. Like dat. Three six nine, the goose drank wine, the monkey chewed tobacco on the street car line.

Snopes says no! [2002-07-31 22:22:29] Sean

http://www.snopes.com/language/literary/rosie.htm

I WANT TO SEE COUNTER-ARGUMENTS, PEOPLE.

[2002-08-01 00:18:18]

This is the so called poem that was mentioned on the site.

"Ring around a rosie, a pocket full of posies. Ashes, ashes, we all fall down."

I bring your attention to the line "ashes, ashes" and I say What the FUCK? in the context of the poem does that make sense? The way I learnt it was "atishoo, atishoo", mimicing cough's/sneezing, you probably don't write it like that.

If they can't even get the poem right then I doubt every other hypothesis they put forward.

Apart from that there are more than one version of ring around the rosie's. Which are they talking about? All the official versions don't involve ashes, infact the only reference I found to it was some kid in the sixty's who probably had so much wax in his ear he heard wrong.

The general argument against it being about the bubonic plague is that its pretty grim thing to sing about. But I put this to you... Where do nursery rhymes come from? Maybe this one came from a bunch of kids who made it up, cos one day rosie came into school with the plague, no one realy liked rosie so they made fun of her dancing round and made up a poem all about her being ill. Naturally, they all died of the plague as well, which is a happy ending to the whole story.

There's about as much evidence for and against the bubonic plague meaning, all of it pretty insubstancial. The last thing you want to do is look on the internet for the meaning.

Atishoo! Gesundiheit! [2002-08-01 05:24:59] Jacques Kitsch

This UK history site connects the poem to the plague and has the atishoo version. I had thought that the ashes referred to burning everything. Or maybe Ashland.

[2002-08-01 07:12:11]

They didn't burn the body's they buried them with thousands of bodys to burn and without a strong oil industry to give you fuel it's real hard to burn em, so they dug big pits and put the body's in them.

The thing to consider is that most of these rhymes have changed since they were first told, like a game of chinese whispers it might get misheard or someone will change it or do a similar version themselves.

Also you can interpret them different ways, for instance some of the words may be bastardisations of old english words which have a different meaning. For instance in mary mary quite contrary, "cockles" is very similar to an old english word for a woman who sleeps around. The theory is that the rhyme is about mary queen of scots who did sleep around.
Perhaps her maids made up the song when they were annoyed with her and it got around.

All history is up to interpretation, for instance if you have first hand source papers of some monk who travelled the country documenting things, the first thing you have to do is decipher his hand writing. (This is called paleography and is suprisingy fun!) Then you have to interpret what he is saying, then you interpret the meaning of what he's saying, then you write your own idea of what happened. Which if the monk used a bit of artistic license in the first place can really twist the truth.
I looked at a lot of documents about a guy called Richie Rich, he went round seizing monastrys and stuff a while ago, I tell you you've never seen such a brown nose. Reading other peoples letters is fun, and legal if they've been dead for years!

Then theres stuff like archeaology which is pretty easy, anything cylindrical is clearly a phallic representation, and if it isn't cylindrical who cares.

Cockleshell [2002-08-01 07:33:11] Jacques Kitsch

A cockleshell is also a little boat, which might have been a reference to things nautical or the little man in the boat, or just calling her a twat; all idle speculation and conjecture. Cylinders are nice, but the classic teapot contains all five basic platonic solids. Go figure!

[2002-08-01 07:35:11] dunc

Ring around a neutron, a pocket full of protons, a fission, a fusion; we all fall down!

[2002-08-01 07:37:49] dunc

I see the pentagon have a solution to global warming - nuclear winter!

scouting [2002-08-01 07:50:11] another timmy

so girl scouts enjoy fire too, eh? Those are some of my fondest memories of being a Boy Scout: working at the summer camp, playing with fire, knives, firearms and archery equipment.

i like this story.

Camp Fire [2002-08-01 09:20:42] Jacques Kitsch

My favorite scouting memory is when the guys let the fire burn to coals overnight; then in the morning, instead of judiciously adding wood, they decided to hasten things by pouring on two gallons of kerosene. A thick, white column of vapor three feet in diameter ascended past the treetops. Then they were disappointed that there was still no fire; so, they decided to toss a match at it which resulted in a tremendous explosion that flattend trees in a ten mile radius and levelled a local grommet factory.

Ashes [2002-08-01 09:49:08] Sean

I learned it "ashes" when I was a kid.

Jacques I don't buy this link you sent. It says that the rhyme describes the plague "in great detail." No it doesn't. And the whole "the rhyme was around for hundreds of years and nobody thought to write it down?" argument from Snopes is a convincing one.

I think this rhyme being about the plague is like why 420 means "smoke pot." There are many similar (but not identical) explanations and there's never been a provable one.

Oral Tradition [2002-08-01 10:19:36] Jacques Kitsch

I guess that's as opposed to the anal tradition, or Greek Mythology; but who knows? There is bloody little proof of a Great Plague of Londres; or for that matter, if there WAS a plague and derivitive rhymes. There may or may not have been a Holocaust; but where are the Holocaust Rhymes? So, it is indeed a shakey proposition. For that matter, what proof have we that there ever was a Man from Nantucket?

Not to further confuse matters [2002-08-01 10:32:02] Jonas

But I learned it as "Husha, husha". For whatever reason.

Boom [2002-08-01 11:02:36] Oscccar

Speaking of myths, Jacques, kerosene wouldn't explode much when a match was tossed into it. That's why it's fairly safe to use in yr home. There's a gas station here that has one pump that dispenses "racing fuel". I haven't bought any to test its incendiary properties because everytime I think about it I start wondering why there's a demand for racing fuel in the middle of a residential neighborhood.

Flashpoint [2002-08-01 11:13:22] Jacques Kitsch

Kerosene or diesel, yeah I agree that you can put a match out in it. But, sirrah! If ye doubt my veracity, replicate the experiment; vaporised kero will go whoompf! It's sort of like a fuel/air bomb. Any case, I've been meaning to locate a table of fuel/air ratios with flashpoint temperatures. I do not have it handy, but such a table exists for industrial materials handlers. But, next time you got a char grill fired-up, pour a pint of kerosene on the coals, and set a match to the resulting vapor.

Kerosene [2002-08-01 11:20:56] Pop

But a kerosene aerosol WILL explode into flame. Here's a picture of me doing it:

http://id.mind.net/~truwe/FIRE1.JPG

Fuel/air ratios-flashpoints [2002-08-01 11:28:55] Jacques Kitsch

Here's an OSHA table that has kero and some others, they have the optimum air ratio like a Bell-curve, but I'm not sure of that.

Kero [2002-08-01 12:13:08] Jacques Kitsch

Ha! OSHA has kero listed as a ClassII liquid with a flashpoint 110�F-140�F! That would be for vapor with a proper air mixture, I'd guess.

Firebreathing [2002-08-01 12:24:36] Jacques Kitsch

It looks like the thing to do is to keep the ignition somewhat in front of your face. I've spit Old Forrester Whiskey into the camp fire from time to time; a nice blue flame!

I stand [2002-08-01 13:33:13] Oscccar

corrected. I forgot about the whole aerosolized aspect of the story. Then again, you can pretty much get the same effect from a 5 pound bag of flour, too.

Powder/Dust [2002-08-01 14:02:33] Jacques Kitsch

Yeah, some years ago there was a TV show: they had a guy hold a candle and dropped a bag of flour on him! Grain silos blow-up from the dust and a spark. The Germans had an anti-aircraft shell that got to the altitude of the plane, then spewed coal dust; when it ignited, it pulled the wings off the plane! This is a good vid of a FAE Fuel Air Explosive, a BLU-96.

Fire bad [2002-08-01 14:29:35] Oscccar

Neat vid. My dad used to work at China Lake in the 50's. He doesn't ever discuss what he did there, so I assume it was designing things like that.

Back to the debate, though, it really doesn't matter if Ring Around the Rosy is originally about the plague or not. What does matter is there are now a handful of young women who grew up in Medford who now firmly associate that song with death. That's what's important.

Double-ender [2002-08-01 15:14:44] Jacques Kitsch

One thing, I didn't know that there was a pear industry there. I've been thinking of getting an old double-ender wooden fishing boat with a 6-cylinder Cat motor; I'd thought to port it at Ft. Bragg, California; but I was reading that Coos Bay's crab season is all year round. I ain't ate my fill of crabs yet. Another thing that I got from the tale was that it's possible to execute a variety of machinations due to the loose weave of the social fabric. Also, not to underestimate children. I knew a girl from Coos Bay with a lisp who said she was from Cooth Bay.

Huh? [2002-08-01 15:37:19] X

Learning survival for when they get shot down in Narn?

Havent the Centauri done enough damage?

A Rich story. [2002-08-01 19:05:56] staniel

My friend Rich claims he used to throw lit matches into buckets of kerosene all the time. He apparently eats earthworms as well.

"Here's a picture of me doing it" [2002-08-01 19:58:50] Jonas

Arguments are best when backed up with photographic evidence--dangerous ones, anyway. Pop, you're the coolest dad I don't really know. I commend you on all that you have done. Bravo, my good man. Bravo.

By the by [2002-08-01 20:01:11] Jonas

Can we, if you'll please, get the rest of the story on page 2A, maybe as a future submission?

Yay! Firebreathing! [2002-08-01 21:20:36] Jacques Kitsch

And plz have Editor Annna write some of her firebreathing experience, too! I like magic, also. I do tricks, but not much other than sit, roll-over, and shake.

Page 2A [2002-08-02 11:32:55] Pop

Their archives aren't responding so I can't get the actual URL, but the firebreathing story is archived at www.mailtribune.com

The story's pretty ghastly, as I recall. The interviewing reporter (the "Outdoor Journal" guy pictured on the home page) was absolutely desperate to pigeonhole me instead of learning about me. I had my choice to be either a crackpot lunatic or an obsessive hobbyist. He didn't have a canned story format for madcap zany.

Performance Art [2002-08-02 12:09:53] Jacques Kitsch

I think that I get the aspect of jugglers and fire-eaters, I went to Sarasota where is the Ringling Bros. Winter Hindquarters and Clown School. I like camels, and racing them and smoking them; I smoke them all the time, as long as I'm awake, at home or at play. When I was in Alamo, California, just down the road from Walnut Creek, I ran into a comedy magician. Now, I like card tricks a lot, and having lived in the gambling state of Nevada, I can recognize and appreciate an accomplished card mechanic. I'm still working on perfecting my "three-cut shuffle," so, I asked the aforementioned comedy magician if he could show me his "three-cut shuffle." He did a FIVE-cut shuffle, which I'd never seen nor heard of 'til then. It was slick and flawless. That's the thing about magic, tricks, and that sort of performance art, at least for me; that it's obviously the result of some understanding of the craft, and some time spent mastering it.

The best trick I ever saw [2002-08-02 12:55:23] Oscccar

At Boston's Quincy Market I saw a guy extricate himself from a straitjacket while riding a six-foot high unicycle. I don't know if it was magic, but it sure felt magical watching him.

Rainmaker [2002-08-02 13:18:15] Jacques Kitsch

I lived at Pier 39 for a couple of years. It was nice living on the water. There were always acts on the pier; there were two guys on unicycles juggling hatchets and machetes, it was something when they'd toss them back and forth. Their was a guy who was a rainmaker, his act always got laughs. There was a waitress who was a ringer for Liza Minelli. There's a waitress at a local chile joint here who looks exactly like Kim Bassinger, but taller. The weirdest juggler that I ever saw was in Berkeley; he juggled a 16lb bowling ball, an egg, and a running chain saw!

Page 2A [2002-08-03 13:28:30] Pop

Go to:
http://mailtribune.com/archive/archive_old.htm

And find the archive for October 26, 1998. The name of the story is (shudder) "Eating Up the Unusual."

Unusual [2002-08-03 16:36:10] Jacques Kitsch

I think that the reporter had a problem with unusual things. Some people thrive on the unusual, but it seems that many or most don't. In sociology class, they talked of a study where in a factory situation, if a guy works better and produces more than average, sometimes the other workers will engage in "binging," which is punching the good worker on the arm to make him fit the norm. But most people aren't outstanding musicians, writers, artists, or innovators; and I'm glad that some people can let go of "normalcy" and explore a bit. Any case, due to the fact that the reporter was not entirely flattering or sympathetic to this kind of magic, perhaps another story would yet be warranted. It seems that there's more that wasn't covered, and I'm sure that there is yet another story's worth of writing there. Maybe that's the good part of my refusing to grow up like Peter Pan, that I can see a firebreather and say "Wow!" like a kid.

The Feynman Method [2002-08-03 20:30:30] Jonas

A direct link to the article, for the especially lazy.

[20:32] Chris: oh geuss what! i learned a new party trick
[20:32] Mojo Jonas: oh yeah?
[20:32] Chris: I can drive a nail into my face..just like in the sideshows
[20:33] Mojo Jonas: how?
[20:33] Chris: a nail about a palm's length..into my nose
[20:33] Chris: its the wierdest feeling having steel IN your head though
[20:34] Chris: the upside..is i know how deep my sinus cavity is..lol
[20:34] Mojo Jonas: where'd you learn that??
[20:34] Chris: well...we (andrew and me) watched "the new sideshow" on TLC and he just uped and tried it..
[20:34] Chris: it worked for him..so
[20:34] Chris: so i tried it too
[20:35] Mojo Jonas: tv made me do it
[20:35] Chris: thats exactly what i would have told the nurse in the ER

::FABULOUS!:: [2002-08-25 08:57:26] Lauraloom

Hehe, lovely, brilliant! I must say.

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