The Black Porn Fairy
I'm gonna make the water dirty
My friend Nick used to work at a ghetto Blockbuster. As I'm sure everyone knows, Blockbuster does not carry actual porn, though in later years they've started providing the seamier straight-to-video thriller releases as jerk material. Apparently someone in Lawnside, NJ had a collection to spare, because once a week the employees opening the store would find two or three black hardcore porn tapes mixed in with the rentals. They didn't throw them out, either, which I guess could have been a problem if a female employee saw the crate in which they were stored. Yes, crate. By the time I heard this story they had a goodly number of them.
So, of course, Nick brought a few home. Now, I was never one for the watching of porn with other people unless it's truly atrocious. Otherwise it's just a bunch of forced jokes about how "BOY, PLUMBERS SURE GET LAID A LOT" and not making eye contact with anyone when you get up for a drink. These movies fit the bill, though. One was part of the Big Black Fuckers series, which I cannot find by searching video catalogs and therefore suspect to be homemade. The Commodore 64-grade titles seem to support my thesis.
Let me tell you, this was a sad day for black pornography. They started out auspiciously, by not bothering with any sort of jokey porno plot. Titles, then sex. On the other hand, the woman was haggard and confused, and as for the guy, I'll just say he discredited a certain stereotype. Uh, maybe it was cold in there.
The other problem with this video was the shower scene, in which our hero met our heroine for the first time (as far as I could tell) by the happy accident of her entering the shower while he was in the process of using it. He gazed into her eyes and asked, "Are you nasty?" Her response confounded Nick and me for weeks. Eventually, we figured out that she said "I'm not gonna make the water dirty," which we took to mean that she was only the good kind of nasty. However, what we both heard it as at first was, "I'm gonna make the water dirty," without the essential negative.
I didn't get to see the other tape Nick brought home. I think he saved it for his long-suffering girlfriend.
So, of course, Nick brought a few home. Now, I was never one for the watching of porn with other people unless it's truly atrocious. Otherwise it's just a bunch of forced jokes about how "BOY, PLUMBERS SURE GET LAID A LOT" and not making eye contact with anyone when you get up for a drink. These movies fit the bill, though. One was part of the Big Black Fuckers series, which I cannot find by searching video catalogs and therefore suspect to be homemade. The Commodore 64-grade titles seem to support my thesis.
Let me tell you, this was a sad day for black pornography. They started out auspiciously, by not bothering with any sort of jokey porno plot. Titles, then sex. On the other hand, the woman was haggard and confused, and as for the guy, I'll just say he discredited a certain stereotype. Uh, maybe it was cold in there.
The other problem with this video was the shower scene, in which our hero met our heroine for the first time (as far as I could tell) by the happy accident of her entering the shower while he was in the process of using it. He gazed into her eyes and asked, "Are you nasty?" Her response confounded Nick and me for weeks. Eventually, we figured out that she said "I'm not gonna make the water dirty," which we took to mean that she was only the good kind of nasty. However, what we both heard it as at first was, "I'm gonna make the water dirty," without the essential negative.
I didn't get to see the other tape Nick brought home. I think he saved it for his long-suffering girlfriend.