I Went to the Damn Strip Club

So I have a friend from work, S., and we've gone to two drag shows in the last couple of months. They were pretty nice, considering that we're not a very big town. Some of the drag queens looked more like dental hygienists than entertainers, but everyone was dancing their very best and wearing their most disturbing wigs. Going to the drag shows together also managed to keep us from being hit on by lonely lesbians, as S. found out when she went back alone last week.

She'd told me that she liked to take her boyfriend to strip clubs, to his general bemusement, so I wasn't overly surprised when she told me the locale of her birthday party. Sensing a gap in my education, I accepted her invitation.

The party was to take place at 8 PM on a day we both had off from work. Her boyfriend had rented the party room at the strip club but there were only four people coming - S., her boyfriend, his friend and me - so I was instructed to try to drag along as many people as possible.

Things looked up when my mother decided to come up for a few days to buy us cleaning supplies and sew us curtains for the new apartment, but she declined an invitation to the strip club.

I ended up going alone. One of my acquaintances turned out to be 20, another had a job and a girlfriend taking up all his time, and as it turns out, those were the only people I knew in town. If school had been back in session I would have emailed the University RPG club list, but they would need make no saving throw vs. nudity today.

I was unsure about strip club birthday etiquette, so I brought a present but didn't wrap it. I got S. a set of hot pink sequin pasties with tassels. I agonized for a bit over what color pasties to buy her, but the selection was limited and among the tassled, non-panty-including pasties it came down to hot pink or the red, white and blue star-shaped ones. I would have gone for the star pasties, but Mom, Matie and my friend Dan said that the pink ones were more classic. (Also they were a dollar cheaper.) They didn't come with any adhesive but the other sets did, so I discovered that it was just liquid latex. I have a lot of liquid latex to spare, so I carefully slid open the plastic presentation box and added a bottle of my own.

I parked my car outside the strip club, trying to find a place where it wouldn't be recognizable. Then I realized I had no idea if I was going to meet the rest of the party inside or outside, and that I was ten minutes early. Luckily, S. was waiting outside as well, so we could be awkward together. That is, I was awkward; she was pretty enthused.

We were a study in opposites in front of the strip club; she a petite and dusky miss in clubwear, bouncing up and down, and me lumpy and pale in jeans and a t-shirt, fully a foot taller and all nerves. I was busy convincing myself that her boyfriend and his second were going to bail on us, leaving us to face the strippers alone, when the guys showed up. Finally.

I was ready to see some titties and get the hell out.