Iowa

So we were in Iowa, at this supermarket. And there was this totally cute guy there. Well, like, cute for Iowa, anyway. And so we were, like, trying to, like get his attention, but without being obvious, you know? So Tammy and I went in like we were shopping.

I really can't remember why we were there. Tammy's mom just needed some things, I guess. Though I mean, really, nothing was going to keep when it was, like, baking in the back of her boyfriend's microbus. But we were, like, stopped on the roadside at random, or something? I can't remember.

Oh! So we had gone to this old, like, barn, somewhere way off the highway. It was owned by Tammy's mom's sister, or something, but all these people who just, you know, traveled, would stop by there to kind of kick back for a week or so. So it was full of hippies and, like, all these young boys who ran away from home. I totally wanted to stay there and take care of them, and we would have stayed for another week or so. But Tammy's mom got all freaked out when Tammy went down to the lake after dinner with this kid named Jesse, who was soooo sweet and quiet. He had this long blond hair that he hadn't cut since he was, like, twelve, and he was trying to hitchhike to Seattle for one of those protests, I guess.

You know they weren't doing anything except talking, but they were out there for a couple hours and her mom like just totally flew off the handle. It was pretty fucked up, and Tammy wasn't speaking to her, and she was all pissed too. But I mean, what a fucking hypocrite. Seriously. She was probably getting it on with her boyfriend while Tammy was just talking with Jesse. But she was so pissed that she just drove us all right back home the next morning. We missed seeing The Faint because Tammy's mom is so, like, paranoid that her virgin daughter will get deflowered. It was fucked up.

Anyway. So we were going up and down all the, uh, aisles, looking for shit to buy so we could bring it up to him and he could check it out. But this was, like, a ghetto supermarket. It was the most ghetto supermarket ever. Like they didn't even have lettuce. They didn't have, like, any produce at all. It was, like, three apples sitting out in the sun on a crate.

So, like, we really had to think about what we could get. Tammy was all, "What's playful but cheap? JELL-O!" Fuck yeah! So we ran over and got a box of cherry JELL-O and went up to pay for it. But right as we were handing it to him, Tammy's mom came in and was all, "What are you doing buying JELL-O? I already bought you girls two boxes of it!" And we were just so embarrassed, and he was kind of, like, smiling, but in that way where you know he's trying to hold it back? Tammy was totally pissed. Fucking fuming. She walked over towards her mother and kind of stared at her. And I was just left standing at the counter trying to, like, not make eye contact or anything and suddenly I felt really bad. Like sick, you know. The boy punched the price into the cash register, which was one of those really old ones that goes "cha-ching." I thought that was really cool even though I was getting sick.

So he told me how much it was, which was, like, twice what JELL-O is supposed to cost. Fucking hick stores. And I wanted to say something that would make up for all of the stupid shit that had just happened. But all I could think about was, like, how he would undress me slowly, and how I had stolen a couple of Tammy's mom's magic brownies while they were washing the dishes after breakfast. I couldn't stop seeing his face, like peering down at my breasts so that all I could see was his forehead and his long, thin nose and those scrambling, tugging fingers were starting to tear my blouse because they couldn't get the third button undone because it's kind of tricky because I bought it at this vintage shop down on the Haight and they said it was "as is" which usually means that it's totally ruined but this one was only missing the button so I sewed one of my own on but it was a little too big and he reached his hand out with the change and I grabbed for it but one of the quarters slipped out of my hand and started to fall. I kind of panicked and groped for it, but he cupped his hands below mine and neatly caught it and I reached my hand down there just as he closed up his two hands and caught mine and he started to chuckle but I was barfing and I pushed my hand down onto the counter to brace myself and I puked right into his cupped hands. I could still, you know, picture him undressing me, but his hands were covered in vomit and it was so totally disgusting that I started to kind of puke again. He was kind of in shock, but he caught most of it in his hands. He stood there for like a minute before he started to move again. It had to have been at least a minute.

I kind of hated Tammy after that trip.