By: posthumous
[2005-09-19]
Posthumous Predictions
you're all gonna die
The Nuclear Family is Doomed
You
think gays are threatening marriage? I'll tell you what's threatening
marriage: the housing market. Housing prices are NOT going to crash.
Demand is just too damn high. Any day, couples are going to start
realizing that they CAN afford that beautiful huge dreamhouse if they
only had to pay for half of it. Then they will find another couple with
the same dream (and there will be a shitload of them), and voila! You
think the mortgage company will hesitate for even one second? They'll
give a dyslexic donkey a loan if the interest rate is right. Once this
trend begins it will snowball. Houses will be priced for 2 or 3
families instead of one. Mortgages will be designed that way as well.
Communal living, people! It's coming back! And what the hell do you
expect if you keep making all these babies and overpopulating the
planet? It's this or the Matrix.
Microsoft is Doomed
This
one REALLY blows your mind, doesn't it? The problem with being a huge
company these days is that companies aren't allowed to just stay the
same, even if it means continually raking in the dough. No, they must
keep getting bigger and bigger to satisfy furious stockholders with
pitchforks and torches. Thus it is with Microsoft, but how the Hell is
it going to get any bigger? Their success is based on the PC
revolution. Through an amazing series of lucky breaks and ruthless
maneuvers, they managed to corner the software market of an entire
worldwide trend. Well, the new worldwide trend isn't so easy to corner.
It's called the Internet. Heard of it? Well, it's not just on PC's
anymore. Soon, PC's will be completely unnecessary for plugging in. At
that point their market will be relegated to geeks once
more. Not to mention that Bill Gates will lose all motivation
for expansion when he realizes that he can't even imagine counting the
money he aleady has.
Hollywood is Doomed... or Something
Gee,
everyone's talking about the poor music industry. Meanwhile, while you
were sitting around scratching your ass you didn't notice that now
ANYONE CAN MAKE A MOVIE. There's this thing called Digital Video that
is hella hella cheaper than film, and its quality just gets better as
its costliness and complexity declines. That includes editing. I don't
know if this will kill Hollywood or they will become
broker/distributors or what... but it's going to change everything. At
some point, people are going to start seeing backyard movies that are just as good asHELLA
BETTER than millionzillion dollar Hollywood boners. Because when
technology equalizes everyone then it will be about the WRITING. Being
a successful filmmaker in this world will be like being a successful
um... blogger? in our current world. Except there'll be money
involved... or not... shit... because the multiplicity of movies plus
the ubiquity of broadband will mean that everybody will be watching
whatever they want at home. Who makes money in this model? I don't
know. Discuss.
i think all the money that falls thru these cracks should go to posthumous. then maybe he will stop bitching about his mortgage and asking whether we can swing.
I'm worried about enough oxygen. Some cities in the summer, they've measured 12-15%. I know I feel better when the air is cool and dry and the barometer is high and 22% oxygen. All of the trees and green are disappearing and the plankton that makes 80% of the oxygen is less all the time. The oceans are dying. Parts of Siberia that have been frozen since the Ice Age are thawing out and will release big clouds of methane. Also Greenland is thawing out. Some computer models project a big ecological crash about 2050. I think that I'll get a machine that can separate oxygen out of water.
The success of Hollywood will be based off star power and established intellectual properties. As you say, everyone will eventually be able to make "The Lord of the Rings" with just a cell phone, computer, and their renfair buddies. However, only Hollywood will be able to purchase the right to make Lord of the Rings. We see it with what's happening with Marvel right now, and it's only going to get worse. Entire companies will carve out their existence based on the Books, Comics, and Older Movies they can purchase. Starpower will also always be a draw, because people are stupid. There might be the best children's movie available for download out on the web made by a bored housewife, but people will go to watch the remake of Double, Double, Toil and Trouble starring the clones of the Olsen twins because it will have a trillion dollar advertising budget, stars the clones of the Olsen twins, and is based on an established intellectual property people will vaguely remember. The most successful private flicks will either be public domain works, or new works. And the best of those will be utterly, utterly swamped by gigantic piles of shit. Think "fan fiction".
Also: don't look for anything new to enter public domain for the rest of our lives. Too much is already at stake and it's only going to get worse.
is that you?
I can see up your nose!
it's someone who thinks you're doomed.
I feel a sense of impending doom!
doom-de-doom-doom
you did bring up an important point that I missed, but I am still more optimistic than you. I think there's room for no-star movies. I think disproportionate emphasis is put on stars because it's much more straightforward to find a "big star" than it is to find a "good script," but either one can create a hit.
Also, there will be some celebrities who will work for the backyarders, just as they slum in indie films today in order to show their chops.
...I've just done a "terror wee."
Have you got that scary flashlight-under-the-chin thing going on?
the light is coming from a soul as it is extinguished. and how come nobody's talking like a pirate on talk like a pirate day?
Avast, ye swabs afore I lay into ye with the cat o' nine. More rum, Brandy!
I agree with ye' in totality, but ye seem to be a think'en these star-free flicks are a new development. Indeed, they be as timeless as the seabitch 'erself. Need I be a reminding you of the works of George Romero, Sam Raimi, and John Carpenter? Yaarr...
Fine captains all, and all started by filming their bunkmates in college. A many movie captains have worked outside the Hollywood Navy. Many more have turned privateer and now command a Hollywood ship themselves. Tis noth'en new, but superstars arrrr like hardtack. They'll be around till the figurehead dances around on the poopdeck with Scurvy Joe.
Like it or not, some names draw the'arrr movie-viewing public like they were rum and doubloons even though they really have the acting talent of seawater and nickelbottom. We shall never be rid of 'em even if we slit their throats and dump them to Davy Jone's lockup.
I got a "Pogues" CD that had a favorite tune, "Dirty Old Town" on it, and the CD is titled "Rum, Sodomy, and the Whip" I thought, "Hey! It sounds like a party to me!" But it turns out to be a quote from Winston Churchill! Once, someone was preaching to Winston about the fine tradition of the British Navy, and Churchill replied, "Don't speak to me of tradition! It was nothing but rum, sodomy, and the whip!" Har, Jim boy!
I read that he didn't actually say that, but when asked about it, said that he wished he had.
Well, maybe it was Horatio Horblower, then. One of those salty sailor boys. But I'm not a bit surprised that Churchill wished he had!
I guess I shook up the boys at Microsoft. They're reorganzing the company!
