The 14th of May
Characters:
Brynn d'Amour, the movie starlet
Monterey Jack, the wealthy American gentleman of leisure
Elena Jack, his russian wife
Professor Stilton, from Cambridge
Morbier, the French philanthropist
The Baron Gerhard Schweiner v. Limburger
[Fade in to posh sitting room. All are sitting on leather sofas and overstuffed chairs, impeccably dressed: Brynn d'Amour in classic flapper style, Monterey Jack in jacket and tie, Elena Jack in black sequined evening gown with cigarette in very long holder, Professor Stilton in tweed jacket with patched elbows, The Baron Gerhard Schweiner v. Limburger with monocle]
Monterey Jack, leaning forward in chair, gripping glass of beer: ...looking right down the barrel. I could see him, and that son of a bitch could sure as hell see me. They say a tiger can sense it when...
Elena Jack, sarcastically: Yes, zat's right, ze tiger could see him. Zey were communicating, he and ze tiger. [Waves cigarette holder back and forth between her husband and imaginary tiger, exhales smoke.]
Monterey Jack, annoyed: Will you please just let me tell the ...
Professor Stilton: So that was where you shot him, then? Kenya? Well I dare say it's made a fine addition to my sitting room. [Extends foot and taps tiger skin rug with toe, without getting out of chair.] I do say, I wish I'd gone with you a time or two during the boom.
The Baron Gerhard Schweiner v. Limburger, standing up and walking toward wet bar: But surely, Mr. Jack, you cannot...
Monterey Jack, leaning back in chair: Monterey.
The Baron Gerhard Schweiner v. Limburger: Monterey. Surely you cannot condense the shooting of animals for sport like that. A man is many times smarter! The animals have no chance at all. [Picks up sherry bottle.] Professor, you do not mind if I...?
Monterey Jack, making unbreaking eye-contact: We've shot at things we were smarter than before.
Elena Jack: [Something in Russian, disapproving tone.]
Monterey Jack: Ask my Pop. And I don't think "condense" is the word you were looking for, either.
[A workman enters the room. He wears blue dungarees and holds a soggy toilet paper tube. The white oval nametag on his shirt says, in stitched red letters, "Gus.")
Gus: Found your problem, professor. [Holds up TP tube.] Someone tried to flush this.
Professor Stilton: I say, who in their right... [All eyes on Morbier, who is suddenly examining his pocket watch with intense scrutiny.]
Gus: So yeah, hopper's workin' again, case anyone needs to take a shit. [The Baron Gerhard Schweiner v. Limburger sets down his glass and exits the room via the door Gus just came in through.]
Professor Silton: Good show, Gus.
Gus: So if that's everything, professor, I'll dance and be on my way home. Wife's makin' casserole tonight. [Raises eyebrows and looks around to everyone in the room, nodding.
Gus dances, arms reaching toward heaven like the flames of a fire, feet moving as though contact with the carpet below were the exception. In his face are visible the stories of his fathers; with every plié, a baby is born; at each assumed 5th position, a parent dies. His face burns red with an intensity long forgotten. He unzips, and laser beams shoot out of his eyes.]