Rat Kong

A Zirealism that I enjoy? Hell must surely be frozen over... no wait, it's not a Zirealism? It's what scientists like to call "a good comic".

I bet the rats know which cinemas have the best popcorn!

get that ape out of my dress

Why are the rats both about to don powdered wigs? Are they about to sit down to the harpsichord? Or perhaps legal proceedings are about to ... proceed ... in the House of Rat Lords?

Rats, being rats, don't really give two turds about the quality of the popcorn. As long as there's butter and a little floor dirt, they're happy. They do prefer the better theatres - like all of us, they enjoy stadium seating, digital sound, dynamic plots, character development and late shows with no children.

The rats' single biggest concern by far was that they not be used in a Zirealism. They were initially pleased with the results shown here but have become rather twitchy since they discovered that Antwan actually enjoyed it.

The rats would also like me to point out that Siskel is dead. They didn't like that skinny bastard anyway - he never dropped enough popcorn and he gave Heaven Can Wait a thumbs up.

I know that he died, but I didn't remember the name of the guy who replaced him! Also, you know that newsguy Woodruff who just got blown-up? They said that they removed his skullcap to relieve pressure on his brain! They actually did take-off the top of his head! He must have caught quite a blast. Damn those IUDs! Anyway, I could figure-out that they are holding popcorn. I just finished re-reading Flowers for Algernon, so smart-ass talking rats don't seem all that improbable.

I'd like to think these rats are the ultimate amateur film experts, like an art museum security guard. They sit there eating popcorn and watching movies all day, everyday, and squeaking out super-intellectual discussion about the flicks. Unfortunately, rats only live five years, so unless they're in one of those independent film houses the best movies they've seen are the Lord of the Rings trilogy, Whale Rider, and maybe, just maybe, City of God.

Poor rats.

These might be special mutated rats, mutated from eating the artificial butter topping on the popcorn. I wonder if they eat Milk Duds and Jujubes?

but I still don't know if I should see the movie. In Zirealism, one rat watches the movie while the other licks soda off the floor. But I am so glad that Antwan has another option now. Keep those alternative comics coming!

it's Ebert & Roeper. I suppose when Ebert dies, then Roeper will get the top spot. Roeper & Gagger

Damn dirty, eh, rats!

You dirty rat... you killed my brother!