By: Sean [2006-03-28]

Moments of Oddness

It's Dublin, the Sunday after St. Patrick's, and the Temple Bar neighborhood is still going strong.  On the way from one pub to the next, he stopped me. 

"Hey man, hoow's it gooin'?"

He had a strong scottish accent.  I'm trying to write his dialog, phonetically, the best I can.

"Oh, pretty good.  How are you?"

We got to talking.  I could barely understand him with that accent.  I finally ask him:

"So what do you do?"

"Ay kem wit te shayps."

"Uh... sorry?"

"Ay kem wit te shayps."

"Uh... sorry, I don't know what you just said."

His face crashed into a look of sadness, and his eyes turned toward the sidewalk.

"Ay'm sorry.  Ay hev a spaych impediment."



It's Saturday night, and I'm in a taxi on my way home from the Düsseldorf Altstadt.  The driver looks about 60, with silver hair and glasses down on the end of his nose, the skin on his face cracked and dry.  At the first red light, he tells me, in German (which, besides one key word, I've translated to English here):

"Anschnallen, please."

I answer, in my bad, broken German: "Anschnallen?  I'm sorry, I don't know that word."  And apologetically: "I have bad German."

The driver turns his head to the right and begins to just stare at me, giving me the evilest eye ever.  He stared -- I am not exaggerating -- the entire 20 seconds or so that it took for the light to change.  For reasons unknown to me, he was apparently, and suddenly, pissed off.  I wanted to look away, but I knew that if I broke eye contact first that'd be as good as admitting guilt for whatever it was I'd just done that'd so enraged him.

"Um... anschnallen?" I repeated.  "Can't you explain what that is for me?"

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?" he snapped back at me. 

I broke the eye contact.

A few seconds later, I muster up the nerve to say "I'm sorry if I said something wrong...?"  He just sat, silently staring into the traffic ahead.

By the time he stopped the cab at my building, I hated him, and I gave him no tip.  I went upstairs and looked up the word.  It means "to buckle up."



Back in Dublin.  Out of nowhere, another Scotsman has come up, and the two of them begin chatting to one another, totally (to me) incomprehensibly.  Suddenly, Scot #2 says to me:

"Ay'menebelmeh."

Here we go again.

"Uh.... what?"

He leaned in real close, his face right next to mine, and said it again, louder:

"Ay'menebelmeh!"

"Uh... I'm sorry, I don't know what you just said."

He pulled a laminated card out of his wallet, and held it up right next to his face, still leaning in close to mine:

British Institute of Embalmers

"Ay werk with DAYD PAYPLE."
Cameron the Ship Welder! [2006-03-28 00:39:50] König Prüße, GfbAEV
See, I know about the Scots boatwrights! One lived in my house after a year of Peru chasing big white llamas with a wad of coca leaves in his gob. Cam had lived in Frisco with his wife welding sculptures on contract and took off for Peru but when he came back to his wife the body builder, she'd started a fitness biz and personal trainer consultancy, and so told him to fook off. Cameron was saving up for a year of touring Asia. The bastich was a boiler welder
and I didn't mind that he used my soap, but he left it black and sooty! Well, to have even survived St. Paddy's in Dublin is something to brag about!
St. Patrick [2006-03-28 19:20:24] Jana
Dublin was full of Scots?
Ulster Scots [2006-03-28 20:08:12] König Prüße, GfbAEV
Google: Ulster Scots...you'll be amazed! They even have a movement to get their language recognized just like Erse. Ulster Scots got their own websites and everything!
Dayd Payple [2006-03-29 18:47:44] posthumous
hey, that's my favorite band!
Brogue [2006-04-19 21:26:18] Toc
When I was taking a pub tour of Ireland in 2002, a friend of mine overheard a pair of locals energetically carrying on in what seemed to be an unintelligible Irish dialect. My intrigued companion, fooled by the brogue, asked one of the gents what language he was speaking in. "English," he replied.

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An Irishman told me that the country footpaths sometimes crossed brooks spanned by quaint little bridges -- bridges that were arched so the fish could fit beneath them.

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In Dublin you'll find scattaredd about the city a menagerie of statues of famous Irish. One is of Molly Malone pushing a pram; because she's made out to be a buxom lass in an anachronistic non-Victorian low-cut dress, the locals protested the depiction one of their favored daughters by dubbing the statue "The Tart With the Cart." Another statue is of Oscar Wilde reclining on a rock, which the locals sub-titled "The Fag on the Craig."

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The Irish called the Museum of Natural History "The Dead Animal Zoo." I ran across a pub with a sign out front that read "Drinking Consultants." Near it was a hair parlor named "Curl Up and Dye." One souvenir I brought home was a shot glass on which was written "Leprechaun's Pint."
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