I Get Letters

That would be enough for me to consider getting a dog. A big dog. One school teacher friend has a Tibetan Mastiff, a bear dog that has actually chased black bears out of her trash can. Stylistically, the missive reminds me of Smoove B. I briefly considered that it might have been one of your old gaming buddies goofing on you, but I don't think so. I think that it is someone with a mullet! I have a couple of friends who have assorted degrees in forensics, and I might have considered having them look at the letter to try to get a fingerprint and maybe a bit of DNA. Sort of does creep me right the hell out, partly because of the bad spelling; I'd at least like to have a stalker who is more literate. Too, you should eat more garlic.

Perhaps you should leave him a letter which is even freakier in an attempt to creep him out.

Also, that's creepy that he'll not only look at your doorstep from a distance to see if you've left a letter, but will lift up your mat to look under it.

Maybe you could put a digital minicam in your door peep-hole. But there's also the possibility that this person has a short attention span. Older woman!?!? I'd be pissed!

... if that's dated March 6th, and he said he was going to "come by this Friday" that means he was already there, lifting up your door mat and poking around your doorstep!

Tell him that you're going to medical school and need a volunteer for experiments!

I'll bet he touched your doorknob, Annna.

And now, every time you thouch the doorknob... it's like you're holding hands.

You are going to have to get that doorknob replaced.

I don't think that I'm just being picky about grammar and spelling; Chris sort of seems like a slack-jawed mouth-breather. So, you could probably rule out most of the U of O kids.

I mean, dammit, unless he's 16 (and you don't get that crazy by 16).

I've invented a rule of thumb: Your First Letter to a Stranger on Whom You Have a Crush Should NOT Tell Them if You Can Spell "Tongue" Correctly.

I should have commented on the paper first thing. It is lined like a log book or something. Or an accounting ledger. Oh, no! A deranged accountant! But the page numbers...I think that it's someone who has some sort of route and a log book. Maybe the paperboy! That would make you the "muture older woman."

It's nice to see the art of serial killer calligraphy has yet to be lost. Also, the author has the remarkable ability to make typos while using a pen. And tounge is a hard word to spell, really.

Annna, your various creative and interesting endeavors have earned you a fair share of creepy stalker-men and electronic marriage proposals in the past, but now I admire your ability to attract them from afar by doing (I assume) absolutely nothing.

Yeah! Annna gets creepy love notes, and I just get the flaming bag of dog poop!

My paperboy is a 50-year-old woman. A lot of them are, these days.

Yeah, Sean, didn't you say something about wishing you attracted the stalkers like I did? Next time I am leaving them "my" email address.

Erotic Things Someone Could Witness Me Doing:
1. Laundry
2. Going from house to car.
3. " car " house
4. Math homework (by the window)

is the strongly-worded refusal. And König, as a state university student, it is my sad duty to inform you that the spelling and grammar would not rule out the college kids.

That's why I said most of the U of O kids instead of all of the U of O kids.

Well, it definitelly wasn't me.

I'm staying out of your neighborhood. You live in Springfield, right?

I knew I saw that hand writing some where. Turns out, it looks EXACTLY like good ol' Antwans.
He was gone for a couple of days as well.
"Business trip".

I knew I saw that hand writing some where. Turns out, it looks EXACTLY like good ol' Antwans.
He was gone for a couple of days as well.
"Business trip".

It's not fair to hit the button twice!

Not all of you are as great as I am.
I'm not only allowed to hit the button twice but ENCOURAGED to hit it twice. See, when people gaze upon the greatness that is The Cheat, they can't help but giggle and explode in their pants. Thus, Thingsihate encourages, wants, BEGS me to hit the "post comment" button twice.

That looks NOTHING like my handwriting.

That is impressive...in a bad scary way.

You could get stuff from the Acme Corporation:

Among the products by the Acme Corporation are:

* Acme holes
* Acme catapults
* Acme earthquake pills
* Acme rocket sled kits
* Acme portable holes
* Acme Burmese tiger trap kit
* Acme jet-propelled roller skates
* Acme (triple strength fortified) leg muscle vitamins
* Acme Dehydrated Boulders
* Acme Hi-Speed Tonic
* Acme Batman suit
* Acme Bumble Bees
* and - a wide selection of explosives: TNT, dynamite, nitroglycerin . . .

This all reminds me of the Idiot Letters.

(if that link is screwed, try Amazon. Author: Paul Rosa)

I read that back when it was called The Lazlo Letters.

I once saw Don Novello live in character as Father Guido Sarducci. It was a fine performance.

I once saw William S. Burroughs and Allen Ginsberg. Burroughs winked at me and then Ginsberg started howling and yodelling and playing a tune on the Hindoo Indian lap-organ. Nice segue, huh?

is the name under which Albertson's (the grocery store) operates in South Jersey. Also, Safeway is called Genuardi's.

is also interesting that this love letter (it's a bullet from a fucking gun!) was written on pages torn from a ledger or something. This may provide a clue to the author's identity!

I thought that, too. It looks like a sort of sheet from a route book of some kind. That's why I thought paperboy. I can't imagine who else would have a route with collections that could have the kind of mind indicated. I would think that it's someone that's too dumb to drive a truck!