Man vs Train
or I May Be An Insufferable Asshole
This girl I had a big crush on a few years back politely declined to date me, but chose instead to date a man who had been hit by a train. I thought this ludicrous enough to comment upon by telling people I was the reasonable alternative to men who had been hit by trains. I had a poster and everything, and plans for a bumper sticker for my car. It was funny in an uncomfortable way, like the old Ellen DeGeneres show, where the crux of her humor was how uncomfortable she could make a situation her character was in. It forces you to laugh, but you're cringing the whole time.
Couple of months back I go out with some friends and I relate to them the story, which one of them hadn't heard, and we laughed. I mean a train, a real life goddamned train, hit the motherfucker. It's hilarious when you think about it. Anyway, I'm telling the sotry and they're laughing, and our waitress comes up to the table and asks if we'd like our drinks refilled. When she leaves with our glasses, my friend who hadn't heard the story before tells me that the girl in the story must have had issues, but I disagree. About this time the waitress returns to the table with our refills.
I ask her if she'd ever date a man who'd been hit by a train, and she looks at me like I'm stupid, and asks me how fucked up the guys is, and I tell her not very, he's just a guy you wouldn't be surprised to find out had been hit by a train. She says as long as that's the case, then sure, she'd go on a date with him. We thank her, and she drifts away, looking bemused.
When she's out of earshot, one of my friends tells me he thinks the waitress thought I was asking her out. This makes me laugh, because, Jesus, what a pick up line. So we kick a few other pick up lines back and forth before settling on this one, which we thought the best: Would you ever date a man who had been hit by a train? And if she says yes, tell her you've got a train to catch.
Terrible part of this story: since we talked to that particular waitress, she hasn't been our server one time since. So maybe my friend was right and I am an idiot.
Couple of months back I go out with some friends and I relate to them the story, which one of them hadn't heard, and we laughed. I mean a train, a real life goddamned train, hit the motherfucker. It's hilarious when you think about it. Anyway, I'm telling the sotry and they're laughing, and our waitress comes up to the table and asks if we'd like our drinks refilled. When she leaves with our glasses, my friend who hadn't heard the story before tells me that the girl in the story must have had issues, but I disagree. About this time the waitress returns to the table with our refills.
I ask her if she'd ever date a man who'd been hit by a train, and she looks at me like I'm stupid, and asks me how fucked up the guys is, and I tell her not very, he's just a guy you wouldn't be surprised to find out had been hit by a train. She says as long as that's the case, then sure, she'd go on a date with him. We thank her, and she drifts away, looking bemused.
When she's out of earshot, one of my friends tells me he thinks the waitress thought I was asking her out. This makes me laugh, because, Jesus, what a pick up line. So we kick a few other pick up lines back and forth before settling on this one, which we thought the best: Would you ever date a man who had been hit by a train? And if she says yes, tell her you've got a train to catch.
Terrible part of this story: since we talked to that particular waitress, she hasn't been our server one time since. So maybe my friend was right and I am an idiot.