By: Brynn
[2006-11-22]
FROM YOUR DENTAL HYGIENIST
1.First of all people - brush your damn teeth before you come to see us. Don’t have a toothbrush? Just ask! We will gladly give you one and wait 5 minutes for you to brush. Would you tell your gynecologist, " Oh sorry, I just had some really nasty sex and didn’t have a chance to take a shower"?
2. Don’t blame me for making your gums bleed when you haven’t flossed since the last time I saw you 6 months ago. If you had festering food debris and bacteria on any other part of you body for 6 months you don’t think it would bleed a little when it got cleaned off? Jesus. "My gums never bleed at home, but somehow YOU PEOPLE always seem to make them bleed."
3. Most importantly - SWALLOW YOUR SALIVA PEOPLE! For some reason, some people suddenly decide that they shouldn’t swallow their own saliva when they’re getting their teeth cleaned. It’s saliva people! It’s yours! You’ve been swallowing it all your life so far! Why are you suddenly refusing to now? Saliva starts pooling up in their mouths, and instead of closing and swallowing like a normal person, they suddenly revert back to ape-like creatures and start making an "ah, ah" noise and pointing at their mouths. Use your big boy words! They make me suction it out every 30 seconds, making their damn appointment take twice as long. I’ve always been tempted to say "what? What? I don’t understand what you’re saying" and watch them drown in their own saliva. One theory of mine is that they don’t want to swallow all the plaque and tartar I’m dislodging. Same situation: you don’t think it’s been in your mouth for 6 months? Trust me, swallowing it ain’t going to do anything. What they should be worried about is that right at that moment, all of that bacteria has been released in their bloodstream and is coursing towards their hearts. Ha.
4. Even worse are the people that close their lips on the suction several times, making a little Pppt pppt pppt noise. Close once, open once people. It’s not a toy. Except for maybe that one little boy who tried to stick it up his pant leg once… It may have been a toy for him.
5. At least all these people understand how the suction works. You have to close you lips on it first. Don’t try to spit, and drool all over yourself and me. Just close your lips and let the suction do its job.
6. Do not complain that your head is too low in the damn chair. Oh, I’m sorry! You’re slightly uncomfortable? Here, let me raise you up so that I break my back working in an awkward position. After all, it’s not like I have to do this for eight hours a day for the rest of my life! No, let’s make sure your head isn’t a smidge too low for 40 minutes. Who cares about how long my career lasts!
7. Don’t refuse to get x-rays or an exam because "the hygienist will see anything wrong". It is a little known secret that hygienists can magically see *inside* of your teeth and gums! There’s no reason for x-rays! Hygienists also are not legally allowed to diagnose any problems. Add to that the fact that I’ve only been practicing for 15 months and a cavity has to be big enough to drive a truck through before I can spot it!
8. Don’t refuse to get fluoride treatments because "it’s not natural" when almost every single one of your teeth has a huge amalgam in it. How natural is it to have a mouth full of metal? And mercury at that! *shudder* I hate these people.
They put a gag warning on my permanent dental records after the... incident.
...well what kinda books did u they give u when u were trainin to be a hygeinist...did ur mommy black out all the pictures of the not so nice things.....why didnt u becum a florist?...maybe the doctor that delivered u hates ur mother coz he had to wipe a turd off her ass during ur slimey delivery...maybe the janitor wishes ud stayed home with that case of the flu that caused u to accidentally shit in the elevator that he had to clean up....maybe the people that provide food service hate u coz sumitmes u dont pack ur lunch and they have to wait on ur ass and smell like grease .mybe those people that work with cow hides full of maggots hate u coz u want a leather purse with matching shoes.....and so on and so forth...those people r ur paycheck...if they were all in and out in a heartbeat ur paycheck would be about as small as ur heart....once i cumplained about having no sex toys...til i met a woman with no pus..umm ...no that aint how that goes ..oh yeah ....once i cumplained about havin no shoes til i met a man with no feet.....carpe diem
let's not try and staunch the hate. Remember the name of the website.
...is a detailed description of the most hideous mouth you've seen yet.
More Novacaine! And some damn Demerol while you're at it!
....hey i wasnt hatin tha game i was hatin tha playa.....couldnt u feel my angst...is not my hatred as good as anyone elses around this fuckin place...
...about the kid who has a mouth full of decay, or the person who has severe perio because they never went to the dentist. I'm talking about stupid shit that people do that is silly and they shouldn't do it. Actually if everyone was in and out in a heart beat my check would be huge because I get a production bonus... just like my heart. aww.
I'm the guy that just has that constant, excessive saliva production that you're whining about. I don't get how you can say "Just swallow your saliva." Honey, I can't swallow with my mouth open wide, which is how I'm spending most of my time in the dentist chair. And don't scrape a bunch of nasty shit off my teeth and then pull out the tools and instruct me to swallow. Suck that shit up with the vacuum thing, I don't want it in me. Plus, once the saliva has pooled up for a while, it's pretty gross to swallow that volume. Why don't you just give me the vacuum thing and I'll hold it in the right spot.
I don't know if you know this or not, Mr. Ranty Dental Hygentist, but plaque tastes revolting. Plaque mixed with gobs of warm saliva is even worse.
...god grant me the serenity to change the things i can....accept the things i cant..and the wisdom to know what the fuck the career of my choice entails...oh yeah i bet after ya die and ur on the slab and they r scoopin out 20 sum odd pounds of shit frum ur bowels they will be hatin ya thinkin geeeezzzzzee why didnt this moron have a colonic or two.....
~all the world's an asshole...and we r merely fuckers~
Who knew my rant would inspire such wrath. Well at least now you know that we hate you as much as you hate us.
that your not my dentist! no wonder you guys often kill yourselves. god. how do you act when you go to the dentist?
mister holier than thou.
With greater understanding comes a greater capacity to hate. Like the hydrologic cycle. But with hate. A hateologic cycle, if you will.
...well this aint the right holiday animal ...butt it is full of hate.....i think all the people in the video r dental hygienists...
http://tinyurl.com/vqbu6
Nobody _has_ to go to the dentist. There's no law requiring it. Brushing your teeth so's your mouth doesn't stink beforehand is just civilized, you goddam savages.
And I doubt plaque tastes revolting. If it did, I think you'd notice it the whole time it was stuck to your teeth.
I admit, swallowing with your mouth open is tricky. I got red wine all over the front of my shirt trying to do that in basque country.
And you's what suggested one know what one get into before deciding on a career.. point out the career to me where the customers and co-workers don't get on your nerves and I'm ready to change occupations.
Forest fire watch-tower in Oregon? No customers, never see a cow orker!
.....http://www.nevblog.com/2005/06/easiest-job-in-world.html
A couple that I know, the guy was a dentist and retired early. They went to Mongolia and ran a dental clinic out of a tent! They said that most of those people had never seen a dentist.
that our stereotypes of sadistic dentists (and their hygienists) are true. I now feel entirely justified in my anti-dentitism.
1. Hey, I kiss my mom with this mouth. If it's clean enough for that, it's clean enough to go get a ... what do you call it ... oh yeah, a CLEANING. Excuse me, but what the fuck am I paying you for if it's not to CLEAN MY TEETH? Quit whining and get busy.
2. I won't accuse you of making my gums bleed if you will spare me the the "I'm not lecturing you ... " lecture. Will you people please shut the fuck up already? If I haven't risen to the level of dental maintenance that you expect after 35 YEARS of not doing so, what makes you think your're going to change my mind now with your holier-than-thou bullshit?
3. I'm with Casey. Gimme that thing, you obviously have no fucking clue about what it's for: if I have a pool of saliva in the back of my mouth you have ALREADY FAILED to use the tool as it was designed. And oh-by-the-way: my lip is not a fucking coat rack, so hang that damn thing somewhere else.
4. What, you're the only one that's allowed to have any fun? See what I mean? Sadists.
5. Maybe if you weren't so busy lecturing people about useless crap like flossing, and instead gave some brief instructions about how we're suppoed to use the tool ... you act like we all went to hygienist school. Isn't it YOUR JOB to make sure we're doing it right? Be part of the solution, not part of the problem.
6. For the amount of money dentists charge, you should be giving me a blow job while I'm in the chair, not just worrying about the angle of my head. I'm the CUSTOMER, and you are the SERVICE PROVIDER. What is it about this relationship that don't you understand? No one gives a shit about your back, unless you're on it with your legs spread.
7. Believe me, with your attitude, nobody is asking you for anything extra. We don't want Xrays cause xrays are like candy: good for the dentist, not necessarily so good for us. With everything we know about cancer, why do you expect we would be eager to bombard ourselves with the indiscriminate and overpowered mutation ray that is the product of your 1950's vintage equipment? Plus, you can't tell me I need new bitewings every 6 months - my teeth don't change that much, so it's pretty obvious that most of those Xrays are only being shot for their insurance reimbursment value.
8. Can we talk about the crazy shit dentists think is a good idea to put in my mouth? Who thought MERCURY was a good idea in the first place? But do we ever hear of dental recalls?? Nooooo. Where's the headline? "Studies have demonstrated that mercury in dental fillings is causing rancid hate of dental professionals. The ADA is recommending a crash filling replacement program to get everyone in the country fitted with replacement ceramic fillings. The ADA has generously offered to shoulder the cost, since it was their piss-poor research that created the problem in the first place." Where's that article, huh, huh???
*shudder* - we hate you too.
Ok i have to admit the hygienist was a bit rough but some of you are just as vicious. I am also a hygienist and yes there things that annoy me but I learn to live with them because I love what I do. I think Brynn, "The Hygeinist" needs to reevaluate the reason why they became a hygienist in the first place. Like me, I am sure that it was because they enjoyed helping people. So dont be so harsh on the hygienist. We care about your health. A note to the hygienist: remember your first time getting your teeth clean. I'm sure there was a pool of saliva in your mouth too.
what, are we in the UN building all of a sudden?
gotta say, that was the most saccharine post I've had the misery to read on tih in a long time. I wish you could hear the mocking tone of voice I used when repeating "So don't be so harsh on the hygienist."
Get some anger, hate and agression. Grow a pair. Forswear diplomacy and other pusillanimous habits. Bark like a dog. Whatever. But save the "can't we all just get along" crap for use in your letters to the editors of the New Yorker - we don't use that drug here.
I love this rant, and I'm a hygienist. And if you don't want a "lecture," stay home and let your teeth rot out as many others do. And the dental office isn't a salon where you come and tell us what service you would like. We are regulated by laws and are part of the *gasp* medical field. We tell you what you need and what we recommend, if you don't want to do it, don't come back.
What, 'cause doctors aren't service providers? That's the problem with this country these days, everyone's special and no one wants to admit that they're really no better than your average plumber. And what's with the roving gangs of hygienists? They're never here any other time. "I'm a hygienist, too." Well, ladida. Let me tell you, no one gives a shit about the opinions of your dental support group.
Hygienists. Pfah. I'll tell you what, they're like sharks on botox, circling, circling, never cracking a smile, until they lunge out of the darkness and present you with a bill.
I was shocked to read that I am supposed to wrap my lips around your suction thingy. No one has ever told me that. My vacuum cleaner doesnt require an airtight seal to pick up dust. Surgeons use suction and it doesnt require a saran wrap seal around it. Why do we have to suck on your equipment? Your equipment must be low-end and really SUCK... hehehe
No, seriously. My hygienist has always sucked out everything and she could latch that thing onto my tongue and pull it out of my mouth. Uh, once again, no lips wrapped around it. Suction accomplished. Spit, plaque, bits of that nasty, nasty gritty pollish. Uhhh...my stomach just got queasy thinking about swallowing that "dental hygienist's cocktail"
By the way...what the hell is up perfktMperfktshn's ass? Every post mentioned something anal related or something that comes out of that region. Must be gay
I'm a hygienist and I think this is totally hilarious. Given people who have these raunchy mouths (most of the time) are poorly educated and we need to devote the time to educating them. Most of the people who give me problems if I tend to explain to them why I am doing things they are ok with it (ex xrays, fluoride etc) Now if I see patients with alot of plaque I show it to them in the mirror and tell them this is what they have to brush off everyday. Half the time people dont know the difference between plaque and tartar. My job is to educate people about these things, not just remove their tartar and gripe about it.
Given some people just cant get the suction you know what I do? I just give it to them and let them use it. Then they cant blame drowning in their spit on me.
And as for not brushing/.flossing before you come in...there is no excuse. Ever since I was younger my mom made me brush my teeth before coming to or at the office. I'm sorry but my job is not to pick out your lunch from your teeth. I'm not just your mouth's janitor so don't treat me/us that way. We are healthcare providers who went through hygiene boot camp to do what we do. And we (well I know I) do this job because I love it and want to help people. But you have to remember you cant help people who dont want to help themselves. All you can do is give them the knowledge to how to do it. And if they dont listen, then that's their fault. Just document it in their charts so when they have to get dentures you can just say the trite but true "I told you so." But definently in a more polite and understanding way :)
I just came across this- but it's like you've written out what all the voices say in my head EVERYDAY. Ah- but all I do is smile and say, you need to floss more!
