By: Sean
[2007-02-05]
American Cheese
Would you look at this?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_cheese
That god damned Wiki's-pedia has gone
too far.
You know, there
actually is a real cheese called "American," you wiki-loving, general public
assholes; you people who use the word "cheddarly" in what's supposed to be
an encyclopedia entry.
I hate how the rest of the world has damned american cheese to by
synonymous with "fake, plastic-wrapped, individually-sliced cheese."
Stupid rest of the world. They think they're so hot.
I'll tell you who it is.
It's those god damned Europeans. Just
because when they order a coffee they still get a coffee cup and spoon
instead of a paper cup and plastic stirring-stick, they think they're
so high and mighty. Euorpeans who think anything they didn't see on
the menu at TGI Friday's on that trip to the Grand Canyon last summer
doesn't exist in America.
This is the only time you'll ever hear me divide the world up into "US"
and "other". "Other", I'm not speaking to you on behalf of Americans;
I'm speaking to you on behalf of one of our oldest and dearest friends
what never done any wrong to anyone: Don't let your perception of
America as being a land of cheap, disposable crap tarnish the good name
of
any cheese, anywhere, ever.
I like mushroom&Swiss burgers, and bleu cheeseburgers with the cheese inside the burger, but for the Classic All-American Cheeseburger, I haven't been able to beat the single slices of processed whatever it is. It has that certain j’ne’ces’t qua!
doesn't have much flavor, but it is a VERY GOOD MELTING CHEESE, and don't you forget it, Europe!!
Americans didn't have such a love for processed cheese, then the real American cheese would be known.
(The fake stuff is good in grilled cheese sandwiches, though.)
Damn it, zeP, the misconception that Americans have a "love of processed cheese" is driving this whole problem! They sell that stuff here in Germany, too, even the individually-sliced.
Damn it, King of Prussia, even if you love processed cheese, pretend like you don't unless it's only other Americans listening!
we came up with us. We created it.
Give credit where credit is due.
mean, fucking Velvetta, man!
a notorious food-hater such as yourself should probably cheer the rise of faux-American cheese.
(p.s. publish my submissions!)
There's one local place that thas about three-hundred kinds of cheese! And there are people who can talk knowledgably about these cheeses, too. Really, the only good use that I've kept with is the cheeseburger, and there are better kinds of cheese for the burger, too. There is some super cheese here in America, such as Tillamook and Humboldt Fog Cheese.
"I could just fancy some cheese, Gromit. What do you say? Cheddar?"
-Wallace
Too, read about the supernatural cheese in Frank Herbert's book, "The Santaroga Barrier"
Look, it was invented by a Swissman!: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Velveeta
OK, he was in the US when he did it. The filthy Swissman comes to the US, sets off some kind of cultural processed cheese bomb, and forever tarnishes the good name of American cheese.
I am not a food hater. And lord knows I love cheese more than any of them. A nice stilton, a lovely brin d'amour, a zesty blau d'auvergne... like old friends they are.
But it did tickle me that the crab experience flustered you so much that you drove around the cheese plate in the wrong direction. They even have Tillamook here! I was in Tillamook long ago, Home of Fine Cheese, and also jerky. I bet the Euros don't have jerky like that, nor pepperoni sticks a meter long!
Besides American Cheese, my wife used to damn American boxes; ie, tin cans. She said that any civilized person goes to the market every day. I don't like beer out of cans, but will pour it into a glass if I have to get canned beer. The five-liter cans are great! One might get at the Europeans for sending us canned cheese! Or maybe that's how they are getting even for American cheese.
bomb wouldn't have done any good if we didn't suck it down by the bucketfull.
we are the land of Madison Ave. Just rename the real American cheese. Change it to, say, Cheddoly or Coldare.
One Chinese noodle shop where I like to go, in the morning there are all of these old Chinese guys getting apple pie and coffee for breakfast, and they're so damned happy about it! Happier than any American ever is, about apple pie and coffee as the sun comes up. With a slice of cheez, pleez!
We are talking about individually wrapped slices of Kraft American Cheese, aren't we? a damn fine melting cheese.
Lest we forget the deliscious taste of that winner of the "Best in the World" ribbon in the world competition in Paris last year, Oregonzolla, made in that little town in Oregon called Central Point. Just thinking of it makes me salivate like Pavlovs dog. Melt that on your Rye, you uppity Euro Snobs. Oh I forgot, you don't have Rye bread, it's an american invention.
I believe that Wiki is correct. There is a cheese known as American (which is crap), but the indivdually wrapped 'singles' are actually , are you ready?, "pastuerized processed cheese food". WTF? Why is that even legal to make and eat? You have to think that crack is a healthier alternative than Kraft singles. He77, Soylent Green is healthier! It's a great source of protein at least!
Having made the last post, I will also say I am fond or REAL cheeses. I adore a good stiff Stilton( that is a cheese, you perverts), and a Glouscester with currants. Or the Derby with sage...it's gone all green and funny, but so very tasty!
