Words and Phrases I Wouldn't Mind Never Hearing Again

Hissyfit. Never tell someone who is in a fit of anger not to have a hissyfit. Trivializing their rage by using the word "hissy" is like throwing gasoline on their fire. Plus if you're a man, it makes you sound like a lady.

"Crushing on". What's that, Jenny? You're crushing on Zack? You're crushing on Zack, you admit, nervously blushing and all a-giggle?  Christ, I'd like to smack you. You've got a crush on Zack. What the fuck is wrong with fifteen-year-olds these days?

"Hating on". Same as above.

Pussy. I've been accused of being a prude because I don't say it. It's not because I'm a prude. It's because there's nothing funny about the word. There's a pretty much endless list of funny names for the male genitalia. How did this one catch on? [Etymologists: I don't actually want to know; I'm pretty sure it caught on because people are morons.] There's something wrong when the real word is funnier than the slang. Another benefit of the real word is that you can use it to describe anything exhibiting invagination -- have fun pointing out all the vaginas that cover every day objects to your bewildered and disturbed co-workers.

Fanny [North American usage], including "Fanny Pack". The only people I've ever known who use the word "fanny" had such aversions to certain words that, when they really wanted to show they were serious, they'd use the word "butt," always preceeded by a nervous and involuntary pause.

Rhyming euphemisms for masturbation. Jerkin' the gherkin. Five-knuckle shuffle. Beat the meat. It's about whacking off, and it rhymes! That's pure comedy gold, if you're some kind of inbred.