An excerpt: 'Keris: An Unbiased Re-telling of the Legend'

From underneath the rock leapt the creature. Its angular jawline stood in stark contrast to the twisted opening of a mouth that sped in swift transit to the man's face. He fell to the ground, avoiding sudden consumption. His kicking feet skidded, and his hands clawed at the loose soil. With sudden power he moved forward into a stumbling run, the creature at his heels. "EEEEERRRRGG," it intoned. The man, panting, horrified, ran down the sloping hill. An unseen rock sent him rolling. The creature, in pursuit, took advantage and came for him.

The man screamed. The creature was on top of him until the moment it became caught in a fire of holy wrath. The man, blinking, scrambling to his feet, turned to look upon the unfiltered godliness of a night elf. Blinking at the glory-filled aura of his savior, he sputtered, "Who..."

The night elf spoke, her voice enchanting in its tambre: "You know of me."

The man remained silent for a moment. A look of enlightenment came to his eyes, and he said, "Keris."

The night elf nodded.

The man paused again. He then asked, "Could I get a fort buff?"

Slightly crestfallen, but hiding it well, the night elf bestowed upon him her Prayer of Fortitude, a glorious blessing which increased the lifespan of its recipient.

Without pause, the man then said, "Oh yeah, spirit, too, please."

The night elf prayed to the goddess Elune, and blessed the man with her Prayer of Spirit, giving the man more resilience in the face of opposition than he had ever known.

"Um, and a heal?" requested the man.

The night looked at him kinda weird.

The night elf gave him fucking heal.

Then the man was all like, "you should dance and stuff." So the night elf chick started dancing, and it was hot. Totally fucking hot. cuz night elves are hot.

then the night elv was all GIMME SOME GOLD and the dude was all NUH UH I AINT GIVIN U NO GODDAM GOLD then the nite elf wsa like REPORTED and logged off nad the dude was all DAMMIT I DON WANNA BE BANND

the guy wwent and ran throught mc cuz he was cool then he killed some horde players and totally pretende d that he was jizzing on and teabaggin htere corpses it was totally funny u shoulda seen it

later on the night elf came back and wsa all like I DONT THINK THERES A POINT TO THIS  and the guy who was writing went all HOLY SHIT TALKING FOR REAL NIGHT ELF CHICK

[Ed.: Submissions which strongly suggest the author was drunk at the time of writing have an almost guaranteed chance of being accepted.]