Zirealism

That guy better hope that the other guy doesn't duck because from the bird's trajectory, it would probably hit him right in the tender bits.

I don't think it'd matter if he ducked or not... That duck's got murder in his eyes!

The duck certainly has murder in that one eye, but the other eye, who knows? Might have eyes like Ben Turpin

this is funny

Coz, there's like, eight different ones.

Having just done some research on ducks I now know more than I ever needed to know about things that can be described using the word duck.
My aim today is to use all those usages of duck in one sentence.

Should've said waterfowl. No confusion there.

I like the term "duck butter" although I'm not sure exactly what it means. There are several commercial products called Duck Butter, so I guess that other people like the term, too. Also, duck tape appears to be an acceptable usage.

Duck tape was first invented by the army to make waterproof repairs in the field, DUCK(TM) tape is just a brand of the aforementioned Duck tape, which was then found to be useful to fix ducts and so was also known as duct tape.

Ahh tape trivia rocks!

One local Chinese restaurant has duck feet! Regular big orange duck feet! They are prepared in a nice sort of sweet and sour, but I haven't summoned the courage to order these duck feet to eat, they are kind of gelatinous. There's no end to the utility of ducks.

I've eaten the webbing of duck feet. There is no end to the chewing.

NEXT

It's only Monday! We can't be ducked out already!

I have a Peking duck, the kind you eat. He's big and white and clean. He likes to chase you like a dog, running around, playing. He likes to climb up our stairs and sit on your knee and go to sleep.
You can hug him and he'll hug you back, puts his neck around your shoulder. He can swim in our pool, and dives all the way to the bottom. He has a friend named Jake, son of Drake.
His name is Jerry. I love him.

That's why I never have, and never will, eat duck.
Turkey, chicken, and other assorted barnyard animals are fine, though.

There are lots of wild ducks here, they are the kind that the males have a head that is iridescent green and mottled brown bodies. There's one odd duck that is sort of golden with a lustrous ruby red head, I think that it's a canvasback, Aythya valisineria; but I wouldn't swear to it.

I think that we're all forgetting just how SINISTER looking this duck is.

I just got the joke!

Then please explain it to me; I thought that it was funny because it's both noun and verb, something that would certainly set a grammarian to chortling.

my experience has been that ducks are not this evil. geese, on the other hand, are the devil.

duck tape? are you fucking retarded?
and here's a heads up: duct tape is shit for ducts.
jesus, people.

Well then, if duct tape is for ducts, is duck tape for ducks? Inquiring mimes want to know. "Leda and the Swan" is a nice painting, but "Leda and the Duck" seems evil to me, maybe not evil but sort of comical. Actually, "Leda and the Swan" is sort of comical.

A sudden blow: the great wings beating still
Above the staggering girl, her thighs caressed
By the dark webs, her nape caught in his bill,
He holds her helpless breast upon his breast.

How can those terrified vague fingers push
The feathered glory from her loosening thighs?
And how can body, laid in that white rush,
But feel the strange heart beating where it lies?

A shudder in the loins engenders there
The broken wall, the burning roof and tower
And Agamemnon dead.
               Being so caught up,
So mastered by the brute blood of the air,
Did she put on his knowledge with his power
Before the indifferent beak could let her drop?

Yay for Yeats. What a kook.

The first name for Duct Tape was DUCK. During World War II the U.S. Military needed a waterproof tape to keep the moisture out of ammunition cases. So, they enlisted the Johnson and Johnson Permacel Division to manufacture the tape. Because it was waterproof, everyone referred to it as “duck” tape (like water off a duck’s back). Military personnel discovered that the tape was good for lots more than keeping out water. They used it for Jeep repair, fixing stuff on their guns, strapping equipment to their clothing... the list is endless.

So don't be calling me no retard, being that only retards call people retards because they are too retarded to think of a decent way of dissing someone.

Nameless, you seem to be taking the company's word for it. Having read their treatise it doesn't seem to be backed up by any real facts or notations. It's just a lot of "we say so, so it's true." And after reading the section at the bottom of that page, the "Jesus tape" reference seems particularly apocryphal. I'm loathe to take a company's word that its name is somehow historically justified.