Bad Halloween Candy

I'm not quite sure why, but it was Halloween and Matie and I were in Medford at Mom and Pop's house. We were too old to trick or treat, but Mom and Pop were out doing something else so we had to watch out for trick-or-treaters. We weren't delegated this task; nothing was said about it. It was just that we were the ones at home on Halloween.

Matie and I had been out walking, but as we returned home I saw a clot of children heading across our lawn. The realization instantly hit me and the world became tunnel-vision clear: it was Halloween, and I wasn't ready.

I raced to unlock the door, then slid on the entry rug as I tore into the house. Did we have candy? I couldn't find anything. I just knew the trick-or-treaters were getting angry outside. Matie was tagging along behind me, not saying anything, but I felt that she was annoyed as well. I finally found a cardboard box - white cardboard, printed purple - about the size of two cigar boxes hidden underneath the grafonola. It had a cartoon witch on the top and was labeled "The Halloween Curmudgeon Kit." It was pretty dusty; it was probably from last year.

Inside, it was divided by more white cardboard into four compartments. Two were empty, presumably eaten, and of the other two one had Smarties and one had circus peanuts. I was not enthused about that, but at least it was candy. I told Matie, "Well, this will buy us some time so I can go to the store." She looked at the box, yelled, "This is shit!" and hit it from below, knocking it out of my hands. Year-old candy flew everywhere. She stomped over to the door; I got the idea that I had to find something for her to give the trick-or-treaters.

I tore through the kitchen again, looking for anything at all acceptable, and eventually came up with some cans of soda pop and some cans of water chestnuts. I gave them to Matie, who was talking to the trick-or-treaters, telling them with staccato hand gestures how much our parents sucked. She arched her eyebrow and glared at me, but took the cans. "You'd better be going to the store right now," she warned.



I told Matie this dream and first she laughed and said that she found my Halloween anxiety really amusing. I have had a lot of dreams about not having an outfit or not knowing it's Halloween or having to do something else before I can go out. Then she said she thought it was funny that she was a terrible force of unknowable destruction, one that cannot be reasoned with, in my dreams.

Later on that night we tried to play The Pollination Game, but after I dealt the cards she just kept yelling "I hate pollination! I HATE POLLINATION! I DON'T WANT to LEARN about PLANTS and WHAT POLLINATES THEM! I hope FLOWERS JUST DIE!" and wouldn't play more than a few hands. Also she was swearing a lot.