By: Zhivago
[2003-03-27]
My Friend Who Hates Cats
I'd never known anyone who abused animals - how fascinating!
He liked to experiment on animals, he told me: in particular, his cat.
I sweated in the back seat. The car was a furnace in the steamy January afternoon. A red Mitsubishi in fact, with peeling paint and a broken glove-box that wouldn't close. The limp synthetic seat-belt seared my skin, and I adjusted it onto a more comfortable position.
"So, what did you do with your cat?"
With laughing eyes he told me of the times in his youth -
"I was a bastard back then"
when he would throw his cat off his balcony. At a loss to comment I said what first came into my head.
"Did it land on its feet?"
Chuckling a little, James reassured me that it did. Infected by his chuckles I started giggling a little as well. The thought of a 10 year-old James dropping a cat off a balcony was hilarious.
"So, what else did you do?" I asked, suddenly interested. This muggy Sunday afternoon was the tail-end of a nothing weekend; this conversation was something different. I'd never known anyone who abused animals - how fascinating!
"Hmmm, well I used to be crueler you know. I used to" - in between fits of laughter - "pick it up by the tail and swing it around. It tried to claw back but because of the centrifugal force, I think, it couldn't reach."
Now I could barely contain my own laughter. Stifling insane giggles I choked out
"That poor animal!"
Ignoring my reprimand, he continued.
"Yeah, I reckon stress on the tail is stress on the spine. Cos they're connected you know, it's all one column. So when I'd let go and it was on the ground, it couldn't walk around for a while - like its back legs were paralysed or something."
I couldn't speak from the hysterical laughter pouring out of me. His eyes brightened and seemed to bulge at my laughs, and as we had stopped at red lights, he half turned around to continue. Now came the justification.
"I hate cats. They've got a bad attitude, they reckon they rule the roost. Dogs on the other hand are like slaves."
I felt strangely let down that this was the limit of his atrocities, and the laughter in me died as suddenly as it had come. With a frown, I said
"That's too so cruel, man. You shouldn't treat animals like that."
He nodded imperceptibly, then leant forward to change gears and turn on the radio.
We sped another kilometre down the burning black asphalt.
A friend of my sister's said that he used to put his cat in a sack and swing it around REALLY fast. You could, cos, ya know, sack and all....has a lot of momentum building up...anyway, he said he did it once when he was drunk, that's how it started, but he kept doing it because the cat liked it because it would come out purring.
How strange, we thought. Here this cat would be, staggering around drunkenly, dizzy as all hell, and purring.
A few years later I read an article on the internet that said cats also purr when under intense stress. That upset me, as I thought the cat had been a freak who enjoyed being swung around in a sack.
I went looking for some pictures of a Mexican sport that I had seen which involves suspending a cat from a sort of gibbet, and riding by on a horse at a gallop to poke the cat with some impliment, but I couldn't find it. However, I did find that it is considered cat cruelty in the UK to feed your cat curry and coco pops.
* My sister thinks our cat is going to die soon. (She has a point - it's like 105 in cat years or something.)
* She's sure (and she's told me this) that "when they think they're going to die, they crawl under a bush to do it there." Hmmm, a bit strange, I thought. But then elephants go to a graveyard, lemmings go to a big cliff...it's semi-plausible.
* She doesn't want it to die. (now she's really getting strange)
SO WHAT DOES SHE DO? She locks the thing inside the house, permanently. Thus should the cat feel the inclination upon it, it won't be able to find a bush. And thus, my sister's tortured logic goes, it won't die.
Pretty strange, huh?
HB, if you can find a video of cat juggling, maybe you can find the video of American POWs. The government of USA, Land of the Free, has censored the news agency Al Jazeera because it can't control everything it reports.
Will the truth set those men and women free?
I had done a web search for al-Jezeera and several variant spellings and could not find much at all listed. Also, I just entered "Iraq" and there was not exactly what you'd call the whole spectrum. But today, I was watching a local "world tv" channel that has Greek News, Spanish News, Russian News, French News, as well as BBC News, and they had some footage of some of the prisoners that hadn't been shown on the US Media stations. Being as there was a rumor that there had been some executions, I wouldn't be surprised if there is footage of the actual executions, but it might take a bit before those show up on the web. There had been a petition to get the Daniel Pearl execution vid off the web, so I don't know how that kind of censorship works. But the
video is out there.
Personally, I think the POW video was censored out of respect for those who are now in horrible conditions, or quite possibly dead. We've already seen how they treat their own, I'm pretty sure that our guys aren't getting much better treatment. I am currently serving in the Navy (I'm actually out in the Pacific right now) and I know if they took control of our ship, I wouldn't want America to see me beaten and taken God knows where as my comrades and I thought about how we had failed in serving our country.
One guy I know said that he would never get a POW license plate for his car if he had been a POW because he wouldn't want people to know that he was so dumb as to get captured. Me, I don't know what I'd do as far as fighting to the death, despite thinking to fight to the death, it's still possible to get captured. One thing about the guy who fragged the officers tent, I think that it would be within military law to give him the drumhead court marshal and shoot him in the field, which would cut expenses as well as send the message that if you're going to turncoat in the field, you better die doing it. I just read a CNN bit that the Iraqis shot 12 US troops trying who had their hands up trying to surrender, as well as the previous report of five POWS executed by being
shot in the forehead. One thing, that will cut way down on the urge to surrender, huh?
The point is that the US with its bill of rights has just taken down an entire news network.
Sounds like that cat's gearing to enlist.
cat girls are hot
Our entire goal is to take down their government. Taking down a government controlled news station is not only a step that would have happened sooner or later, but a smart one to take now as it will limit their propagandistic capabilities. The less control the civilians feel Saddam has over them, the less likely the chance that they will offer themselves as human shields.
I thought this post was about cats. How'd you guys get off onto the war?
Yes, we MUST keep the issues of humane treatment of people and animals separate. Or not. It is but a small step from mass murder, genocide, violating the Geneva Conventions, and reducing entire cities to barney rubble, to putting a cat into a bag and swinging it around and around. Ted Bundy, I think it was, observed his father being cruel to animals, and then went on to kill 17 people. It is entirely possible that our own US was heroes will return from battle and go on to be cruel to cats. Antwan, the common thread here between animal cruelty, war, and humane treatment in general should be obvious to any scrivener, even a blivet such as yourself. No more ineptitude, or I will be compelled to humanely break your fingers so that you will never write again! How many lil' kitty cats have died in the conflagration of Bagdad? Hah? Think about it. It's enough to turn your stomach. But such is the price of Freedom! Cats and War are intimately intertwined, and ever have been so throughout History. Theng yew.
IRAQ WAR WAR WAR IRAQ IRAQ WAR IRAQ WAR WAR IRAQ IRAQ IRAQ WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR IRAQ
A curse shall light upon the limbs of men;
Domestic fury and fierce civil strife
Shall cumber all the parts of Iraq;
Blood and destruction shall be so in use,
And dreadful objects so familiar,
That mothers shall but smile when they behold
Their infants quarterd with the hands of war;
All pity chokd with custom of fell deeds:
And Saddams spirit, ranging for revenge,
With Osama by his side come hot from hell,
Shall in these confines with a monarchs voice
Cry Havoc! and let slip the cats of war;
That this foul deed shall smell above the earth
With carrion men, groaning for burial.
Leave it to Antwan to reunite us under the pretense of hurting cats. (Talking in third person makes you intelligent)
If people thought in the objective instead of subjective, they probably wouldn't go round picking up hookers in airports.
They also wouldn't spend 33 hours playing pokemon. (help me someone please)
First, Al-Jazeera is not a state-run news organization. It is the first independent television news channel in the Middle East. Second, it's not in Iraq, it is based in Qatar. (Look on a map to find out the difference.) Fourth, posthumous, you are absolutely correct to point out the hypocrisy of this government's censorship efforts. Fifth, HB's "Cats of War" spoof deserves an everlasting place of honor in the pantheon of literature.
I found a couple of mirror sites for that Doha or something Qatar news service, but they didn't have a gawdam thing about cats.
What suprises me is that you guys actually WANT to watch the news (35)
I'm not a big football fan, but I like betting on the
horses ; I've got five bucks to win on War and two bucks place or show on Plague.
you'll be happy to know I have all the symptoms of sars: headache, bodyache, fever with chills, and cough. seriously. if there's a big outbreak in the pacific northwest in the near future it's probably my fault.
My theory about colds and the Northwest was to sauna, lots of dry heat and then lots of steam. But now I've heard about some disease that people are getting from hot tubs. My theory was that I could survive more heat than the offending virii. Lots of liquids to flush your system, and sometimes it's good to change your acidity with Vitamin C and fruit juice. My other cure is that a bottle of whiskey will cure just about anything. But don't drink and then go into the sauna. Go to a Christian Science Reading Room. Go to the Gypsy and get your ham bone hung. Get thee to a nunnery.
My one goal in life was to never throw up again. Then I ate at Arbies 2 months ago...
notice Antwan how you attempted to make one word bold but instead made the entire second half of your sentence bold. This is because you do not listen to me.
Well, at all of the fast food restaurants, the imported immigrant illegal alien hired help labour spits in the food, and most of them have exotic tropical diseases like shistomiosis, halitosis, periodontal dysplasia, and prolapsed perenium.
sorry posthumous, I guees I need more training sensei.
Ah, the magicial night where that southwest sandwhich forced it's semi-digested goodness back up my esophagus.
I should introduce your friend to a friend of mine named Josh. His passion for hating cats goes beyond norms. You have not seen cruel until you see a guy stuff a small cat into a mason jar, set the lid on fire and chunk it as far as he can...
Yes, my childhood cat recently crawled away to a secluded place to die,
gave no indication other than being old.
I would imagine this is related to the same instinct that makes them
bury their poop: to avoid being easily tracked by another animal,
etc., etc.
My new cat just barfed on my doormat, any wolves that come through my door
are gonna be up on that shit. Dum cat! Check yoself!
lots of your serial killer types (like the late mr dahmer) start on pets, then work thier way up to bigger prey. I worked with an eleven year old once who had managed to hang a small donkey with a sort of pulley system and some ropes over the barn rafter. Clever little bastard. He should be around 21 now, wonder what he's up to?
Some guy in my religion class at my old catholic high school claimed to have witnessed his dad's friend or uncle fill a cardboard box full of stray cats of all sizes, colors, and ages into a cardboard box. They then, supposedly, drove on the back highways of a boon-dock local village and tossed it out the back of a pick-up onto a stopsign. The stop sign, he said laughingly, was all red with blood.
People wonder why I got myself kicked out of that school.
I accidentally started drying a load of clothes with a cat in the dryer once. I didnt notice until about 45-50 mins later when I went to check on the clothes and heard this horrendous moaning coming from the dryer as it spun. Ruined alot of my clothes.. haha.. I was gonna put the cat out of its misery, but for some reason I dont remember why I didnt (no bullets or some shit)?
Oddly enuff it lived behind the toilet for 3 days, rapidly panting the entire time. And then it seemed alright, except it was now completely fuckin psycho, it attacked EVERYTHING, even inanimate objects like walls & fire hydrants. Also from then on after that accident its long hair always stood on end and it always looked like it had just popped out of a dryer... haha
I've also been unlucky enuff to witness a crackhead beating a cat to death with a baseball bat. Dunno why I didnt stop him, it kinda shocked the hell outta me.
BTW: While Al-Jazeera does have a political slant at times in its news coverage, they are alot more objective than Fox News, who openly brag about being the only news station run entirely out of the basement of the White House (and also are founded & owned by a large group of KKK grand imperial storm wizards, christian TV evangelists, and Dr. Josef Mengele).
CNN sucks too, at least they dont try to pretend they are 'fair and balanced'. And they have enough intelligence to know that the term 'homocide bomber' makes absolutely no sense. Fox News should probably stick to the 'cides' they know best: Biocide & Geocide.
Signed,
The Genocide Bomber (formerly The Insecticide Bomber)
You people should burn in hell for treating animals like that. Their the ones who sit on your lap and purr when your sad or lick your hand and wag their tail when your lonely. They can sense when your ill and so they come and try to comfort you and how do you repay them?!?!?
did you know that,one detector of all serial killers,is cruelty to animals...................................... anyone who treats life(any life force) with cruelty will eventually recieve cruelty in return....what im saying is you and your friend deserve to be put in hell,with a thousand rabid cats and dont forget your tuna necklace....... its pretty simple guys(i guess slugs fits you best) KARMA, always gets you in the end.. i certainly hope it doesn't return the favor,with your own children(just think there could be serial killer with their names on his list),good luck you two souless,pathetic,losers....MEOW
