Zirealism

I want to be scared of finding that little guy in my ice cream but he's just so gosh-darned cute.

One time I'm in Cambridge, Massachusetts in this little ice cream shop and I want two scoops of Just Plain Vanilla in a cake cone. Everything is going OK so far. The ice cream fuck who should have been bagging fries because he's too fucking stoopit to flip burgers asks me if I want Jimmies (rainbow sprinkles) and I say "No" but the son of a bitch puts them on anyway! Shit like this, and you wonder why Kennedy got shot? A rhetorical question.
!

Yesterday in the college dining hall a friend of mine discovered, after getting a nice soothing cola with ice, that a mighty spider was sitting atop one of the ice cubes. I believe I may have drank thousands of its frozen eggs.

C'mon, Antwan! Say something! I know that you are intimate with cacaroachies...you just bustin' to bash this comic, so get on with it, eh?

What? I didn't think posthumous could sink any lower on the humor food chain, and then he made this. Once again, I have no idea what the punchline is (if there even is one).

To say I'll give you a punchline. I mostly think I want to because it really isn't directly funny and would probably just piss Antwan off more with the round-a-bout situational humor of it.

It's not "round-a-bout situational" funny. It's just plain not funny.

laconic, you've done what Antwan has vainly been trying to do for months now: you broke my heart.

laconic, you've done what antwan has been trying vainly to do for months now: you broke my heart.

I don't know how the space happened, usually I hit the "delete" a bunch just to be sure that there isn't any space.

It's funny if you like ookie humor! How many people has that roach freaked-out? I would bet that Antwan thinks about this the next time he has an ice cream cone, and that's funny, too!

I have just drawn the comic that will put Zirealism to shame! Live in fear Posthumous, your time has come!

Both are apparently euphemisms for joints. Would it be implausible to suggest that that's where posthumous finds his inspiration?

can you do it every week? I'm ready for a rivalry!

and doc, I just think bugs in ice cream is funny. oops, I never explain my comics. I'm like Spiderman that way.

As much as I would love to compete with an eccentric person over the internet by drawing comics of decreasing humor, prostitutes at airports across this great land of... wherever I live await me! I guees I'll just have to draw the ULTIMATE comic that will forever leave you an empty husk of a man!

Draw some Hsker D cartoons, Antwan!

I'm sorry posthumous, I didn't really know how to describe the way Zirelism is funny. I do think it's funny and I do enjoy it every week.

I think vampires suck.

FILTHY STINKING FLESH BAGS!!! Antwan has drawn the ultimate cartoon, that will put who ever this guy is, out of his..um... Right onward troops. I hope antwan's comic isn't as bad as his drawing for the Kamoury Dragon.

It's just that I did want you to be scared. I so wanted you to be scared... sniff

You do know that after the nuclear war, giant cockroaches will be walking around eating ice cream cones, huh?

cockroaches will not be able to create ice cream. That is why it's called Armaggedon.

And why are morons blitzing old zirealisms? Esp ones who never use the space key and thereby screw up the layout.

That would be the famous Antwan Hearts fan club supporting my hate of your awful comics. Cheery-o!

I tried a couple of scoops of Armaggedon; Rocky Road is way better.

So, which roach is Antwan?

Antwan could never survive armegedon Buscuit. Additionally though I am slightly worried about Antwan's far reaching connections destroying old zirelisms I still think Posthumous is going to win this war simply because his network is so far reaching that it actually noticed people messing with an old zirelism.

yes, laconic, we are many, and we get very bored at work






so beware!

I hate bugs, I only like bugs that antwan talks about. And like antwan, I just don't get these comics, except for that last Rosie one, damn Rosie is so kewl.

I can't decide if this new guy is just Antwan or a wacky new face with a Johnen Vasquez fetish.

did something really dumb today...
I am a serious recycler. I recycle everything that is recycleable, leaving a family of three a small bag of garbage per week. I do this for various reasons, not the least to show my daughter that it is so important to look after our earth. Anyway, I think I have gone too far.
Waxed cardboardy containers (that o.j. and such come in) are not recycleable in our area but the little plastic spouts that decorate the side at the top are. You know those spouts? I was trying to stick the tip of a sharp paring knife in between the plastic and container to pry it loose to recycle, and the knife slipped and in slow motion I watched in horror and consternation as I drove that knife RIGHT straight into my ring finger.
Oh oh I thought, this can't be good. I was talking to my daughter as I was working away at that spout and we both stood frozen in time as the bright red blood gouted up from the wound. Immediately I said better get these rings off and by the time I had taken hold of them and tried to remove them with aid from the blood and a liberal amout of liquid soap, it was too late. I couldn't budge them. I guess the blood had backed up against them and caused instant swelling. Trying to remove them for the next 10 minutes caused worse swelling and the finger meat to ooze out of the wound. Dang! It just HAD to be the long weekend and I just HAD to be married with a set of rings.
So I am toughing it out instead of sitting around the emerg for probably a 4 hour wait. I can't twist my rings around anymore and it is decidedly blue just above the rings. I have a bandage semi-tightly wrapped around the small gaping wound to close the lips together and it has stopped bleeding. I have taken it off a couple of times to see if the lips have stuck together and instantly the finger meat bulges out of the wound. I've had a couple of Tylenol 3's and a couple beers and it doesn't hurt that much except the throbbing. Do you think I should go to the emerg or just keep my eye on it?

If you have socialized medicine, by all means go and get more Tylenol #3, Vicodan, Demerol, Fentenyl, and Oxycontin. I'm not sure what the moral of the story is; "Save the whales, and lose a finger."

There's a way to tape that so that the wound edges will hook-up, but it sounds like it should be trimmed and stitched; and you might get a tet shot and a little antibiotic so that your whole hand doesn't fall off from gangrene. But a snip and a couple of stitches and a tet shot would be OK.

First off, thank you Morticia for the long and pointless posts. You are truly the thorn that accompanies the dying rose that is Zirealism. Second, "Zim" as we will call him since that is his actual last name, quotation marks and all, is the President of the Antwan Hearts yahoo fan club and also, my own personal stalker. Oh, the fun times we shared. How he would try to steal locks of my hair or my soiled undergarments. Good times. Third, or whatever number I'm up to (or "too". I really have no idea which one to use) I'm sure my minions of evil can eaily crush Posthumous's Holy Alliance which consists of his mom and the nice man at the bus station. Your days are numbered Posthumous, and that number is... well, hell, I have no idea. I guees whenever the editors check their e-mail.

And lastly,since I can't count higher than four, this comic is actually so powerful, not only will it destroy my long time rival Posthumous, but it will also leave a huge dent in Biscuit's semen stained armor as well. I can just imagine Posthumous (and to a lesser extent Biscuit) curling up into the fetal position and crying himself to sleep, waiting. Waiting for the end to come.

I get this image of Antwan in a dimly lit room his face covered in shadow cackling his evil cackle whenever I read more than 2 words of his last post. I don't know about Posthumous or Buscuit but I'm afraid now.

antwan, it is because you know that I actually enjoy your posts. me of all people. you bring me joy, even though I bring you none. and your fantastic cartoon will just continue this vicious cycle. For Zirealism is not a rose, but a vine steadily tangling itself around your neck.

I decided to dither and do nothing about my finger. The swelling didn't go down yet it didn't get worse, and only two ppl brought up TETNUS thank you veery much. But on a brighter note I DID get into a big freakin argument with the unit over nothing and I can see a BIG MESSY FUCKING DEE-VORCE in my future. In my very very imminent future.

dear antwan, morticia, et al
please find a different hobby, perhaps crosswords, perhaps model boats, perhaps a livejournal, whatever it is please make it not be here. here (the comments, the articles) is not the place for you to tell boring anecdotes about your boring lives. antwan, if you constantly work yourself up about zirealism why do you constantly whine about how it's not as good as it used to be? it's always been the way it'll be. don't you have he-man message boards to hang out on to push your strained pop culture fetishism and zany humour on? why do you have to drag it out here? morticia, you have a personal site, that is where your personal stories go. they don't relate to the post, they're not interesting, they're bland. your whole brand of "in your face extreme craziness" is totally bland and trite. do you think you're special or original? there are a million other boring people just like you who do exactly the same things and think they're just as "off the wall" as you.
it's getting painful to read thingsihate and it makes me sad. what happened to the hate? even lou was less irritating than you.

..where the fuck did you come from?
Congratulations. Grade 5 really did come in handy after all.
For your insolence, it will cost you a container of pure canola oil,
two six packs of shaved weasels and a roll of razor wire.
I will supply the Drano.
You will lie nakedly prostrate, whilst I anoint your buttocks with
oil, and sprinkle you with weasel crumbles and release the vermin.
When they start to feed, I will wrap you in razor wire to hold the
vermin tight to your quivering flesh. Then because I love you, I will
sprinkle your wounds with Drano, thereby making you (and your furry
little friends) do the infamous 'funky chicken' dance and take vids
with my pants down around my ankles and a large pickle fork
sticking out of my asshole.
I will proceed to beat you with a wire BBQ brush and when the wounds
(and you) start to weep, you will be further scrubbed with the same
wire brush till your sins are scrubbed away. The flesh will be pink
and new and ready for a crosshatching with a woodburning tool till
you fairly sing with happiness.
When you have sung to my satisfaction (on your knees and trussed
like a turkey), you will stay upright for a general lecture on whining
and puling too many times in any given day about posts originating from my fertile mind. Then I will culminate the whole exercise and bid you
adieu by urinating into your tearstained upturned face, then PUNTING you across the room to hit the back wall and slide down into a pile of your own excrement.
Unless you have some friends to hold you upright, fucketh off.
yours in Cuervo,
Morticia

Nice, I can see antwans comic now, it probably involves rabbits, and toothbrushes, and it will destroy zirealism because the site will probably be taken down for being obscene.

p.s. someone hand nosia the remote control.

I am not antwan, But I do know him. (he is kinda gay) arrrgg..Why am I posting, antwan's comic will rule all, hopefully, If I know him, then it will involve Nude Children.

Hello, i have no idea what this site is so YO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well im Aaron LOL! and i like smelly pakis cos they have large tashes on there faces and they smell like currys cos they sweat em!!!!!!

HELLO!!!!!!!!!!AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
btw FAiNT is well cool cos his picking his nozzle right NOW!