By: Hieronymous Biscuit
[2003-05-22]
Earthquake Relief
Response to the Disaster in Turkey
I was in San Francisco when the earthquake of 1989 struck, and I saw and felt firsthand the awesome power of Mother Earth when she decides to readjust things. A mere twitch and buildings fall, rivers change their course. The earthquakes in Mexico City and in the developing countries often have more disastrous results for the reason that construction practices are done on the cheap and with little concern other than a minimal design at the least cost; so when the earth shudders, buildings fall on top of people. It almost never happens that the earth actually swallows people up; the earth is hungry for other things.
This fresh earthquake disaster in Turkey should come as no surprise at all as the entire country sits astride the North Anatolian fault line, and has experienced many and frequent temblors, tremors, fantods, and cataclysms. This most recent earthquake in Turkey is nowhere near the tragedy of the 1999 event that killed more than 20,000 Turks, and there have been some improvements in building safety standards since then. Additionally, relief response has been swift and sure, spearheaded by the Red Crescent and the Turk military.
The poignancy of the tragedy was compounded by the fact of the main cluster of fatalities and injuries being at a school dorm in the mountainous region of the Bingol province. Our hearts go out to the families of the quake victims, and of course to the victims themselves. As is often the case, US governmental agencies, NGO's (non-governmental organizations) and private humanitarian foundations have opened their hearts, as well as their piggy banks, and charity is pouring forth to the downtrodden, if not outrightly flattened Turkish school kids.
The Knig Pr GfbAEV Foundation has been in the forefront of this disaster relief effort. As the great bulk of the quake victims are themselves but school children, the Knig Pr GfbAEV Foundation has offerd up resources and expertise aimed at the needs of the students of Bingol. Special Purebred Holstein milch cows from Knig Pr own private herd are being air-dropped into the province of Bingol Turkey. Knig Pr himself does not wish that his name be attached to the project, but that the milk for Turkish school children project be, known as, "The Bingol Dairy."
Go ahead and groan!
You saved us from the jaws of another boring Morticia story. What is it with you and funny names anyway? Knig Pr GfbAEV
I like funny names! For a while, I was Clyde Tombaugh, the guy who found the planet Pluto by calculating the perturbation of orbits so he would know where to point the telescope, which seems like a good idea. Now, I'm excited about the recent count of 58 moons for Jupiter, and the astronomers estimate that the final count will be about 100! 100 moons! It further amazes me that new sea creatures are still being discovered, such as giant squids and jelly fish. My name is Legion.
Apparently, there was a 5.2 earthquake twenty minutes after the 7.1 San Francisco earthquake, but I didn't notice that one at all. There was a little local quake last week about 3.4--one of my brothers is a big fan of the New Madrid Fault which last had a major quake in the early 1800's and changed the course of the Mississippi River, a similar quake today would kill an estimated 20,000,000 people! Geological warfare is much underrated, and can be effected by lubricating techtonic strata with superheated steam and crude oil. Or get all of the fat people to run over there! So, today I'm jellin' like a felon, and Morticia's jillin' like a villain. The New Madrid earthquake of December 1811 (magnitude 8.0) rang church bells in Boston, Massachusetts, 1,000 miles away! East of the Rocky Mountains, the
geology is different, so the shockwaves seem to spread more.
ALGIERS, Algeria - Rescue workers struggled to save survivors and international aid workers rushed to Algeria on Thursday after the most devastating earthquake (news - web sites) in two decades struck near the capital, killing more than 700 people and injuring thousands.
The 6.7-magnitude quake Wednesday night crumbled apartment houses, knocked down walls and toppled trees in the area east of Algiers. Weeping survivors walked amid debris and hospitals were choked with the injured. Many warned the death toll would increase.
p.s. you posted a comment as an article so I'm posting an article as a comment!
As soon as I think of a shaggy dog involving Rouiba or Boumerdes, I'll post it.
Oh, I think that I mentioned it before, Posthumous; but you can check this for truth because it is cartoon fact! Larsen the "Far Side" comic guy did up a calendar like a year in advance, and the cartoon on the calendar for the day after the '89 earthquake had the ground shaking and people doing backflips, and was captioned "Continental Drift Whiplash" Done sometime in advance, but got the date right! Go figure...
I hate news articles. Where's the mindless fun?
IN YER PANTS!
...something involving don't step in the Boumerdes. (imbedded word)
So now I gotta be psychic? Can't you be glad I don't draw cows in every cartoon?
or penguins like Oliphant!
...if you put cows in the cartoons, they could explain the comix to Antwan.
I EXPLAINED MY comic. So there.
What is wrong with you people, I don't come here to read news articles, I come here to READ MINDLESS DRIBBLE!! So lets get with the stupid, and destroy the the truth.
You can't handle the truth!
You just missed a great oppurtunity at a joke that would have made you famous biscuit! You should have said "You can't handle the the truth!"
im glad Morticia hadn't posted by the time i had read this. her posts worry me. they also tend to have nothing to do with the article. i think it way be less dangerous to my psyche to avoid them. also, anything antwan says about rabbits.
I'm sorry you have to hear this, minna. but Morticia is a spammer. she is not a nice person like we are, remaining sensitive to the context of our remarks.
When is Antwan's cartoon posting? I want to count the hours!
I'm tired of waiting for antwan's comic. Lets forget about Antwan's comic, and wait for the next exciting adventure of Zireleasm (spelling??)
So now I am a spammer?
Did anyone look the word up before throwing it around so carelessly? If it wasn't for Antwat and myself this place would be growing mold. Spam indeed. Hey, that reminds me of a story. If you don't want to read it just pass me by, m'kay?
My daughter asked me what a *cunt* was the other day (after hearing
me call my S/A that..oops). After I told her, I said she really
shouldn't call ppl that as it is considered a swear word and is
frowned upon by the general public. I really don't know why though.
I have a favourite name for ppl who piss me off.
I call them Cow Cunts (tm morty).
To me this is the worst of the worst as far as nasty names go, but
WHY this would be so is really all to do with how that ONE word has been used.
I mean how innocent and benign is a cow?
If it weren't used in a demeaning nasty way, being called a *cow*
would be a GOOD thing!
'she is such a cow = she is so calm and content and has multiple
stomachs'
And the *cunt* word..it's another word for a cute fuzzy precious
part of the female body.
How lovely is a hairy little vulva resting like a snuggly kitten in
the palm of your hand?
I have no problem with MY sweet lil pudendum being called a cunt if
it was said in the right tone of voice and in the right context. I
think it is the evil MALE CARTEL that has turned that word *cunt*
into something nasty, to be used in a degrading unfriendly way.
I think that if we all started to toss the word around with
kindness, playfulness and glee, that we make it into the warm dainty
wholesome word that it was meant to be.
--
Morticia~ just one cunt's opinion..
and don't get me started on the other naughty words
I sort of like "cooter" or "AllNite Cash Box" but cunt is OK. Also, it reminds me of a "joke"--
Q-Why do Italians have a weather cock on top of theirs barns to tell which way the wind is blowing?
A-They used to have a weather cunt, but the wind blew right through it.
People get pretty loopy about sex parts and the whole sex and reproduction process. The Mexicans have a nice expression for telling you when they were born, for example, "It was October 23rd when my mother gave me the light." But I think that "giving the light" is a nice expression for the gift of birth. Forget about the taco jokes. But back to earthquakes, I have never used the expression, "Did the earth move for you?" I have used the expression, "Hey! Who's fucking boots are those under the bed?"
I thought a spammer was anyone who creates unwanted content... er-hum, anyway...
There's a 1 in 10 chance that Annna will deem my comic just too damn stupid to post. (Also, I stuck in a joke about her in there so let's hope it didn't offend her.) Not to mention that the image is strewn about and crudely done as I was doing other semi-legal activities at the time. But I digress, I think I need to talk about Earthquakes.
I imagine that if I'm ever in an earthquake, I'll just do what I do when I'm in a flood or tornado. Play The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time.
I thought spam was like left over meat products. Arrr...I need to view maddox....You know someone needs to start up like a Weekly Complaint article about things that are pissing them off that week.
I heard that C.U.N.T. is an acronym for anyone who Can't Understand Normal Thought
Spam may or may not be unwanted content. Be that as it were, I hate it when people start yelling "non sequitur" when something comes after something that they said, when it is within logical bounds, but just not the desired response. Not following is OK, in that context. Illogic is OK, too, I suppose; a lot of Life is like that. There are many gradations between slightly acerbic and caustic.
the word cunt is okay?
My dawg thinks it's okay and less annoying than NEW INVENTION ALLOWS BLAH BLAH BLAH at the top of this page?
Is it me or does anyone else think that the above reminds them of Val Kilmer?
It's pretty good, but Knifekitten is still my personal favorite on this website. I liked the realism. Nowadays too many writers have their heads in the clouds, preventing them from writing anything good.
I haven't thought about Val Kilmer in some time. Celebrities generally seem like a bunch of cunts and meat puppets. But yeah, the picture photo pose is sort of similar. I still can't look at Keanu without hearing "Whoa, dude!" OK, I forgive him his youth, he'll get over it. But how about those Dixie Chicks, what a bunch of cunts! I feel sorry at them, you say what you think and there goes the farm. In general, if entertainers were artists who followed their intellect and heart instead of pandering to the market and "working the room," the audiences would be different, better off, and better entertained. But there is not much demand for art, music, literature, and fine whiskey. People want prole feed, because Market Research says so. If you would like to help me write a popular topical song, feel free; it is to the tune of "Elvira" and is titled "Al Queda" and will be sung by "Four Guys with Beards"
Do I need to explain that, Antwan? I thought that you liked bathroom humor!
You may be a psychopath, but I would never accuse you of spamming.
I agree that artists should speak their minds more, but at the same time I can't say I see eye to eye on the facts of the dixie chicks being singled out for their antipatriotism. I think that was more due to the fact that they waited until they were overseas to talk some shit. The opinion that seems to be more oppressed is that which supports the war. Artists I've seen opposing: Barbara Streisand, System of a down, Avril Levine, Dixie Chicks, Rage against the machine (or what's left of them), Pearl Jam... Artists I've seen in support: Three doors down... uh... wait, that's it. And I don't know about the rest of you, but I cried when I saw the Three doors down vid. I don't know, maybe if I watched more MTV, like I'm supposed to since I'm a teenager, I would know more about the music scene's opinions. Unfortunately, I was sick of them filling my head with drivel about what to wear and how to talk like the rest of the cool people by the time I was 13 or so. Oh well, screw me.
Wull, would you accuse me of non sequiturs?
The big mistake that the Dixie Chicks made was to misread their audience. Attitudes come in clusters; like, the country music crowd tends to be Joe Sixpack, Buckle of the Bible Belt, NASCAR Democrats who are all about Budweiser, Red Man chawin' terbacky or Copenhagen, Mama an' them, Confederate Flags and Gawd Bless Texas. So, if yer a' gonna style yerselves "The Dixie Chicks," you sort of got to toe the party line, or you're a' gonna git excommunicated from Mickey Gillie's. I mean them there good ol' boys'll run yer skanky ass right out of the trailer park. I ran afoul of the "Liberal Women" when I asked them if they were either tremendous hypocrites or tremendous idiots for supporting a regime (Iraq) that was based on the politics of rape and torture. Supposedly, Liberal Women are against rape and torture, so you'd figure that they'd be against Saddam, but no! But I'm not a Dixie Chick or much of any kind of an entertainer, and I figure that if people are agreeing with me, they either want something, or my opinion is getting stale and I better get a new one.
What the Dixie Chicks should have said was "Texas isn't Bush's home state, it's his tax shelter!"
Not 50! I hate it when people ask trick questions, then when you give the obvious answer, they yell, "Wrong!" But Texas is a republic, as is California. Massachusetts and Virginia are commonwealths. There is a large, blank space just west of Kansas. Actually, there're 51 states, if you count Iraq.
No, I didn't get your "joke" biscuit and it only served to piss me off even further.
Antwan you get pissed by the simpliest of things...Like "Toasters are put on this earth just to piss me off" or "Its against the law to malest the elementry girls..that pisses me off"
It's Beavis and Buttwad!
uh huhh, uh huh huh.. you said "it's"...
but according to my calculations, it's only 50 more hours until a new zirealism!
Sorry, my comic was too big and had too many inside jokes... I gotta remake it.
Well hot damn, Antwan's comic didn't make it...Thank you to whoever saved us all. Inside jokes my ass, it would have been: What do you get when you cross a Raven and a Hose Pipe, The answer, My ass..HAHAH... Plus I can't wait for another exciting adventure of Zirealism I FINALLY LEARNED HOW TO SPELL IT!
Just because your the president of my fan club and my part-time stalker doesn't give you the right to shit-talk my comic.
Well, I fixed my comic and re-sent it. This time I actually put some THOUGHT and EFFORT into it. Enjoy your pathetic zirealism in 49 and a half hours, your entire world is about to be rocked.
Morticia is here to liven up the ratings. Clearly God is watching things I hate and thinks that the Posthumumous-Antwan battle has finnaly gotten old so he added a new evil nemisis (or good nemisis depending on what you think of Antwan) for Antwan to face. It's like profesional wrestling without the physical contact. Sorry I haven't posted lately people, busy graduating from high-school. I know how much you all missed me.
Happy graduation! These are interesting times that we live in, and a new century is a good time to get started.
I would have said a new millennium, but I can't spell that.
should i submit anything? a cartoon, commentary, short story, poem, interpretive dance?
i want H.B., posthumous, and antwan to comment on anything i do.
how do i e-mail the/an editor
editors@thingsihate.org
AARRRRRRR Where is my Damn Zirealism! or anything..I'll settle for any update now. Where has antwan run off too.
Okay, some one really dropped the ball because it's SUNDAY AND THERE IS NO ZIREALISM. Maybe Posthumous has just given up drawing his comic because he knows that mine will put him to shame.
It might be that the three-day weekend rule applies; i.e., they'll get around to it eventually.
